ilovecats Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 I am so confused right now.I really,really don't want to cut things off with him.Do you guys really think that would be for the best?Maybe what I am feeling for him is just lust.Maybe?Why can't I just have sex with him and that be it?Is there a way I could do that?All I know is that I really don't want to completely cut things off with him.I can't help it!I don't know what to do! Link to comment
afonselaca Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Are you thinking that you might be able to just have casual sex for now and eventually he'll come to realize how much he cares and it will become a loving relationship? Link to comment
ilovecats Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 No,afonselaca.I'm saying,should I just continue having sex with him and just forget about something coming out of it?We do have great sex!Maybe I should just leave it the way it is.I don't know. Link to comment
afonselaca Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 I guess it is like others have posted. You risk getting hurt because he could find someone new at any time. I'm trying to figure out what you are conflicted about. I'm in a casual relationship myself so that's why I'm interested in your situation Link to comment
ilovecats Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 I guess what I am so conflicted about is that I really don't want to stop having sex with him.That's why I think that it may be just lust that I am feeling.I mean,this is the best sex I have ever had.It's just that good. But it would suck if he got involved with someone else just because I would definitely have to stop talking to him.Unless he just wanted to have me on the side. I'm just joking!I'm trying not to be in such a grumpy mood. Link to comment
ilovecats Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 Afonseleca,you said that you are also in a casual relationship?How do you keep your feelings detached from this person?How long have you had this casual relationship? Link to comment
afonselaca Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 You can certainly do it if you want to. You should use protection because he may be doing other women as well. Never know what is "for sure" in these situations because there isn't any trust, no need for disclosure, you always get to wonder. Most people don't want this arrangement because there isn't any trust, respect or caring. It is generally pure physical for the man and an emotional entanglement for a woman (I said "generally" before anyone flames me LOL) before long. It is hard to share the best sex EVER with a man and not come out with feelings for him. Ask me how I know. I'm doing NC right now because I'm sorting myself out. Oh, and there's lots of really great sex out there. Lots of experienced men who know how to please their lover and engage in a real relationship. You know that, right? Link to comment
ilovecats Posted December 28, 2006 Author Share Posted December 28, 2006 Yes,I am definitely using protection.Maybe I just need to be stronger.I don't know.Just forget about having feelings for him and just have sex.What do you guys think? Link to comment
afonselaca Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Afonseleca,you said that you are also in a casual relationship?How do you keep your feelings detached from this person?How long have you had this casual relationship? Oh, well, my situation is a bit more complicated because we were seeing each other and I broke it off after 2 months because I felt him pulling away. I came back after 2 weeks and suggested we see each other without expectations. So, I'm not starting off with a clean slate since I am realizing that I care more for him that I thought. I did write him a letter last week and told him that I don't like playing games and I couldn't ask him back into a real relationship without sacrificing my dignity but he affected me. I dunno, if he was paying attention he would have determined that I do care for him, but he chose to ignore what I was saying. He replied that we agreed to have no expectations, and he doesn't, so why am I saying that we're playing games? He pretty much had the open door to try again but he didn't. He pulled the straight up card. LOL I told him I would contact him sometime in January and left it at that. I'm conflicted but that also has to do with an exBF who resurfaced and is relentless, let me tell you! ](*,) These things are hard because you have to dig deep inside yourself and determine what YOU WANT FOR YOU. No one can tell you, sweetie! Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Cats, I recommed refraining from what feels good now and look out for yourself in the long run. I know this is hard, it is like a drug and you feel you cannot stop but you know this bad for you like drugs. You can do it. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Yes,I am definitely using protection.Maybe I just need to be stronger.I don't know.Just forget about having feelings for him and just have sex.What do you guys think? Yep- this is a bad idea. Honey, it is pretty obvious and dripping from all of you posts how much you like this guy and he just doesn't want anything but sex from you. KellBell is right- doing what feels good now is not what is best in the long run. I've asked you a couple of times to think about how you will feel when he begins having sex with others too, or dating someone and falling for her. At the agreement you are at now he has all those options and could use them at any time. It's a very real possibility. Have you thought about that? What are you thoughts and feelings about it? Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 28, 2006 Share Posted December 28, 2006 Sometimes in life we have to sacrifice what feels good at the moment in order to do what is in our best interests in the long run. You may be getting great sex from him, but I doubt if that is what is really driving you to want to stay with him so badly. I think deep down you are hoping that the longer you stay, the better chance you have of him "seeing the light" and seeing what an amazing person you are. That is just not going to happen. The longer you stay in this arrangement, the more it will be obvious that you care for him and either he will end it because he feels uncomfortable or he will continue on and really lose all respect for you. Respect yourself and get out of this situation before you cause yourself even more heartache than you have now. Link to comment
kellbell Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 "the better chance you have of him "seeing the light" and seeing what an amazing person you are. That is just not going to happen." Oh my gosh!!! I fell for that EXACT mentality 7 years ago and I can you first hand IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN!! This guy had FIVE months to figure out what a great gal you are. If he has not already, pretty slim chance he will ever. You deserve more chica!! Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted December 29, 2006 Share Posted December 29, 2006 When you are just friends with someone (platonic), as time goes on, it is possible that love can grow...that happens in many cases. However, in your situation, the scenario has been all about sex, not really about enjoying each other's company. Sure, you may have done stuff together, but in cases of Friends with benefits, it really is all about the "benefits" rather than the "friends". The being "friends" is really only about doing what it takes to get the "benefits". It is not a true friendship. Link to comment
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