WHat can I do?

[jen0823]

I've been married for 3 years. I met my husband when I was 14, we started dating when I was 17. We got married when I was 18 and had our first child at 19 and second at 20. Life was going to fast and he is very possessive and aggresive. He's even hit me before. More then once. He is 2 years older then me and he swears he's more mature. When he was a teenager he went to anger management classes. I think he still needs it. He doesnt trust me and he says that I have to stay home and I can't do anything or go anywhere. All I can do is watch the kids and cook and clean. I wanted to go to college and he said no because there are boys in college. I never cheated on him so I don't know whats wrong with him. Now I am depressed. Sometimes I just want to kill myself because he won't let me out of the marrage. He uses the kids to make me feel guilty. I hate him so much, I could of been so muh more. My second child was his fault. He cummed in me while I was sleping and he knows I don't believe in abortion. He says that no one will want some one with kids. SO know im not stuck here forever, I cant be. Please give me advise on what I should do because I tried to make it work, but now I realized that I dont love him anymore and dont think I ever will again.

[crookster_man]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation, it sounds like you have gotten yourself into a very difficult situation. You have taken the first step, which is realising that there is a problem. You cannot change that which you do no acknowledge. You deserve far better then this, I'm glad that you realise this. This will get you farther then most.

 

I'm sure you realise the mistakes you have made along the way, so I will not go into them deeply. All I want to say is that you must understand where you have come from so that you know where you need to go. You are not a victim unless you say you are, understand? You have the power to change YOUR life. I agree that your husband needs some anger management and therapy, he is a very jealous and insecure man.

 

He is the same age as I. Yet he fears some many things. He doesn't have power over you; he cannot control your life. He may be a man in age, but he is a child emotionally. I am sorry that you have become attached to this person. He is right, you two are bound forever, you both have children together. However, he is wrong in saying that no one would ever want you. That is BS, many men would gladly partner with a single mother. This is a very common thing in our day and age. He knows this and tries to bully you into submission.

 

That is unfortunately what your relationship has turned into. A power struggle, however, like all battles it leaves the combatants drained and exhausted. A loving relationship should build you up not break you down. I'm sure you are aware of this.

 

Do you have any friends or family who would take you in? Allow you a chance to start fresh? IS there a threat of violence? Maybe you should contact the police and let them know he is like this. Take steps to insure your safety and that of your children. I'm sorry that you are experiencing this.

 

Remember, people will never change their behaviour until they hit rock bottom. Until there belief system cannot provide them with what they need, they will NOT change, even if they promise to.

 

We will be here for you.

[Micksbabyboo]

You are alot better then he says you are and im pretty sure he just says that cause he knows you deserve better he needs to let you be if you dont love him and he is such a bad husband u should try to move out and get a divorce dont let him saying things about teh kisd make u feel bad your young and u can go to college and aspire to a way better life then this man is giving you and for that just hitting you part you should either call the cops on him and file a restraining order or move out cause no women deserves a husband like that he is unsecure of himself and thats why he has you tied down and you realized you are worth much more then that..get you kids and get out start a new life you will see everything will be alot better that way and you can remary with some one that treats you like a women should b treated i can kick men that are like one you are married too Well i really do hope the best for you

Love,

Dc

[avman]

He has no right to hit you - ever! Once is too many times. Plus the verbal abuse he is giving you just makes me mad. Really mad.

 

You deserve so much better. And you CAN leave. And you WILL be alright. I understand you must be scared and confused. He is just telling you lies to keep you under his control.

 

Do you have friends or family you can stay with? Or do you have a church near you that can help? Or you can definitely contact a battered womens shelter (some of them are now just called womens and childrens shelter). They will give you a place to stay, food, childcare, and also help getting your life on track. They have attorneys that can help you with divorce actions or restraining orders. They have counselors to help you and who will listen to you and not judge you. Call them today and they will help you.

[jen0823]

My husband was going threw my email yesterday and he read my letter and your replies. Now he is really upse. He told me that he was going to break my computer and his favorate saying is "Aint No Breaking Up!" He is soo insecure and I can't deal with it. He can't break the computer, thank god. We didn't finish paying for it. The thing is that am scared to leave him because I'd have to start my life all over again. Well I'm trying to work at it. We were suppose to go to marraige conselling and he skipped two classes an now the they dont wont to consel us anymore. He gets really sad sometimes and tells me he loves me and hes sorry and he want to make it work. he says hes trying, but i think thats bullshit. i think he just says that to get mr to calm down and not leave. What do you think?

[crookster_man]

Yes that's right, I'm sorry that he found this stuff it must have been hard. But should you have to hide it from him? Not in a healthy relationship - which this is not!

 

He has to want to change! He clearly doesn't or doesn't have the will to change. He needs counseling (so do you). Maybe you should have him look at this stuff? (The articles on here about your situation)

 

I'm sorry about your situation. Don't fight the system, change it. Catch my drift?