YES OR NO? thanks.

[SpeedingCars]

I was planning on meeting up with my ex-boyfriend (it's been almost 3 months and he has a girlfriend since the first month that we broke up...) and telling him EVERYTHING I feel and that it would be best if we did not speak anymore as friends. Trouble with that is, I have to see him everyday... he insists on wanting to be friends with me (he calls, talks about me with my best friend, stops me in the hallways to talk, etc.) He believes I am 100% over him because I told him (when he informed me of his new girlfriend), "I'm so happy we both moved on. I'm glad she makes you happy because that's all that matters to me. I want you to know I'm here for you if anything goes bad... you can always call me up if you're feeling down or things aren't looking too good." Big mistake?

 

I plan on telling him I miss him and letting it out completely instead of always hiding behind a fake smile... then I'll tell him unless he plans on getting back together, then do not call.

 

I'm just wondering if it'll be a huge mistake because I want to keep him as a friend (in hopes of getting back together) but at the same time, it hurts to talk to him as JUST that.

 

I'm so lost... input? Stories? Thanks...

[Alezia]

Well, you clearly stated to him that you had moved on and had no problem what so ever with being friends and that you would always be there for him. I know you still love him but would you be willing to go back out with him??? (I believe it can be two separate things).

You can just go straight NC, but in your case I would tell him you do need the time. Especially if you do want to keep a friendship afterwards.. often enough though at the end of NC both partners arent interested in being friends anymore as it causes problems with relationships/got over it and really only wanted to be friends because one sitll had feelings for the other/still wanted the feeling of being wanted but doesnt need it anymore.

 

I would just tell him that you respected his choice of breaking up and that now you would like him to respect yours of having some time alone to help focus on yourself and new things. I don't think you need to tell him how you feel since he is with the new girl anyways but if you do want to and it will help you, go ahead.

[Hope75]

I think it's OK to let on that you are not completely over him and so that makes it difficult for you to be a good friend to him in an objective way, but perhaps letting "everything" (all your feelings of unrequited love while he is with someone else) would be a bit over the top, and I would question whether or not it was a dramatic attempt to win him back.

 

I can completely understand why you would not feel the most comfortable playing in the friend role when that is really not where you want to be, but he does have a girlfriend now, and respecting that relationship is fair and so I would keep what you tell him to a bare minimum... just enough to let him know that you are not as over him as you'd hoped, and so you think some distance would be a good thing for you and you just wanted him to understand what was happening and that it was about you and what you need, and not about something he did since you became friends that called for the drastic change.

[planaorplanb]

gawd, don't wait anylonger, u must talk to this person before something really goes wrong and i'll explain why: see, my ex gf broke up with me and disappeared in the fog of NC and after months of reaching out and hearing only silence i was 100% certain that not only did she hate my guts but that she had moved on easily and was probably dating. and what all that NC silence did to me was make me think those things so i pumped up my chest and started doing the same - i started dating someone and quickly knew i was no way over her or healed and that led to a massive relapse of mine and that was pretty scary. after that i started really working hard on myself and trying to find true answers and i have and i am glad i took the effort and time - do i wish my ex would just appear out of no-where and we talk about only the things needed and what a future holds? duh! is that gonna happen anytime soon? in the past i've said NO WAY - but now I BELIEVE DIFFERENTLY and i know the power of positive thinking always works for you. so, i am ;pretty sure that i will hear from her or see her in the next few days and we will keep it simple and just chillax - after all - that's what it is all about. and if that doesn't happen, i just keep on trying - and do so in ways that are stress free and no pressure because i understand the situatiuon and i love her and suppotr her - SEE ITS NOT THAT HARD TO STOP BEING A WHEN U REALLY WANT TO CHANGE.

[Juliana]

Hope has good advice. There's a big difference between being upfront, and grovelling. Essentially, it's dishonest of you to try to be his friend when you know that you'd really rather have a romantic relationship with him. He'll understand that you can't talk to him unless his situation changes.

 

Down the road, you might find you really are over him, and want his friendship, so don't go slamming any doors by issuing ultimatums or anything like that. I know it's a tough situation, but you're doing the right thing for everyone by being honest.

[SpeedingCars]

Thank you guys so much! I'll keep it to the "bare minimum" because I know if I was his girlfriend (again...) I wouldn't want someone confession their undying love for him either, especially if they have some history together.