My ex may have had an ex-it plan

[Prober]

After six months, I have finally put the pieces of the puzzle together and although it is not cast in stone, it seems after 5 1/2 years together and three months before our marriage, she, who was so dependent and doting on me, had an argument with me and packed her bags, moved out, cancelled the wedding plans, and ended our relationship forever.

 

None of it made sense that after a stupid argument she would leave for good, especially since she never communicated she was having second thoughts. Everything I had ever known about her became the opposite during and after the breakup.

 

Here is the best I can surmise from all the bits and pieces of info I have put together. Although I have no absolute proof of any of it, I have been given some clues that have allowed me to have a very strong notion. My past experiences have been that when I have carefully considered all the past events of a situation and analyzed thoroughly along with my male intuition, I have usually turned out to be right on in my conclusions:

 

She was flirting with a guy at her job or he was coming on to her and she became less enchanted with me over a period of six months. Suddenly, things she never did before started to happen: concern about my retirement account and how much was in it, sarcasm (which is what a guy used on her before she dumped him, years before), provoking me into fights, nit picking. Then when I would react verbally, she would claim verbal abuse. This only made the new guy look so much like a better option. I had no idea this was going on and was oblivious as she sprinkled in many moments of professing undying love and fawned over me all the while.

 

She cut off all ties to my family, including my son, who she was like a surrogate mother to. She was good friends with my daughter and cut her off too. My parents adored her, she cut them off. All my friends were cut off. She would not give me her new address and when I found it out, she said, "You're not going to come over here are you."

 

One day about two months after she split, I called her on the phone and she put her friend on, who asked mw why I didn't marry her sooner and how I had lost a gift and how beautiful my ex looked.

 

The second day after she left, saying she needed time to think, she was coming into the house pulling photos of her and her family (not any of me) out of the photo albums. Sounds like she was really considering her options!

 

She refused to look me in the eyes when we split up and refused to see me face to face. she had my daughter give me back the ring and sent me an e-mail to dump me. She had once been dumped by a guy after a 6-month relationship and never forgave him.

 

A buddy of mine spoke with her recently and told her my mother was ill and also shared with her about the recent death of his dog. She was much more freaked out about the dog dying than hearing baout my mom's cancer. He also said he could tell she was dismissive about anything positive he had told her about me, especially all the hard work and changes I had made over the past six months.

 

I never lied to her once during all our years together. I was never unfaithful. I saw her through the death/suicide of her sisiter. I was always there for her emotionally. We had sex almost every night for out entire relationship. I worked two full time jobs to afford to buy her the most expensive ring I could find. I worked hard on self-improvement and can honestly say the only area I was defective was I had some impatience and intolerance.

 

She was going through menopause, She had been sexually molested by her father when she was a child. her mother controlled here, even though she was in her 40's. Her ex-husband cheated on her and married the woman he cheated on her with, so she had to admit herself to a hospital for a breakdown. She indicated she did not trust me, despite never giving her a single, solitary reason to not trust me. She gave up physical and legal custody of her retarded son, who she visited once a week for a few hours. She was very jealous of any single women that seemed or appeared to give me attention. She had food and alcohol addiciton issues in her past but although alegedly sober for many years, she worked no program of recovery. I found out after she left, that she had smoked pot with my daughter on four or five occasions, but never told me about it. Some sobriety! She was obsessive about issues and constantly relied on me to talk her through her concerns.

 

Through all of that, she had a tremendous way of making me feel so special. She was excessive in her complimenting/doting/catering andwhen I first met her, I thought it was an act, but she kept it up for our entire relationship. The only time I noticed something amiss, was when we argued, she became vicious and so unlike the doting, loving person I fell in love with. The fights were infrequent enough that I got so much more of the doting, etc that I forced myself to overlook the vast change in her when she became angry and * * * * *y. It was so out of character, that I kind of wondered if she was a little crazed.

 

Now she is most likely with a guy from her work and is giddy. I wonder if taking all that baggage into a new relationship, which is all untreated, because she blames me for all the problems in our relationship (she said that to me not long after she left) and takes no responsibility, I wonder if she will be able to have a successful relationship with this mystewrious co-worker, which most likely started before she left me.

 

Any observations would be appreciated.

[robowarrior]

She had a lot of baggage from the past carrying with her. Sometimes people can't deal with happyness. They can't accept a wonderfull life simply because they aren't used to it, having only being molested ,beaten up etc you notice how twisted their decision making becomes. She probably had something going on with that guy for quite a while , but in retrospect i think your lucky. Its better that this came out before the marriage, instead of you two marrying and she still having an affair. Although its sad that you got betrayed like this, consider yourself lucky as you don't want to be with a liar anyway.