"Heated Discussions"

[qt]

Hi, i used to post on this forum alot and then i just lost contact. I need some advice and thought what a better place to come to, because it helped me so much in the past...

 

...right, quick background of my relationship

 

Me and my boyfriend been together for around 3 and half years.

He's 22 and has been suffering from depression for about 4 years now

I'm 20

 

 

Right, i'll try not to go into too much detail, but basically whenever we have converstaion about anything where we both have strong and somewhat diffferernt opinions about things, it always leads to a rather "heated dissucion" and of one particular one tonight, an argument and now he's in one room and i'm in another.

 

Basically, i am quite opioniated and have been told quite argumentative. I guess it's not a bad thing and it's definatly a family trait of mine, but im not close minded at all.

I accept that my bf has different opinions to me on some topics and it doesnt bother me at all and i love talking to him about things because he has a different view and a differnt take on life in some aspecst but he just sees it as me trying to change his mind and that i have to be right all the time. except that isnt the case at all and however i try to explain that to him he doesnt get it. he thinks because i carry on the disccusion that i'm having a go at him and his viewsa nd that i want him to change his mind. He cant seem to accept that i like talking to hima bout things.

 

I do accept from his point of view that i may come accross like that sometimes because i question his opinions but thats only because i want to know why he thinks what he thinks-maybe i missed something and i could learn from what he thinks.

 

Please help me, its becoming a bit of a nusance:sad:

 

Thanks xxx

[AwdreeHpburn]

hey gt - welcome back -

 

My only suggestion to you is that maybe you should just pay a little closer attention to the tone your voice has when having a discussion.

 

I only say that because apparently, and unbeknownst to me, I sound harsh and angry a lot of times when in a "discussion" Mostly because that IS the way things were discussed in my house when I was growing up. It was as natural as breathng but it took my husband asking me all the time if I was angry or why was I so upset by whatever it was we were discussing for me to pay attention to my tone of voice.

 

Maybe you don't know it, but maybe he thinks you're upset of trying to persuade him because of how you sound?? It's worth a listen, yeh?

[qt]

Thaks for getting back to me so quickly

Yes that is a very good point you raise. in the very last inceident, bout 30mins ago, i was relaxed and not speaking loadly or harshly at all. But in the one before that i seem to remmeber that i was a bit forward and may have come accross a bit harsh and abrupt. i will keep an eye on it tho and try and make sure my voice is relaxed and calm with him. i dont want to upset him, thats the last thing, but unfortunalty i have and he just wants to be left alone for now which i completely understand

 

thank you xxx