Need more tips an advice on getting back with ex. LONG

[GX9117]

First the good news, things have been improving between me and my ex. Thanks to this site and everyone with their stories and opinion I have learned alot and it has helped me through this process. But we still have a long ways to go. If you want, you can skip the details and go to my > below.

 

I never really written the whole story so here it goes. My ex, Jane and I were together for three and a half years. We were each others first everything. First kiss, first lover, etc. I have to admit I wasn't inttrested in her at first. I found out she liked me since I was 14. Then when we were 19 started hanging out as friends because she asked me Then about a year later we started going out officially. Yeah, we started late and took things slow. But it was a process we were both comfortable with. We both come from a very traditional background/family. Those last years have been the happiest for me and I think for her too. We really thought we would end up with each other forever. I love her so much.

 

But during our relationship we did have trouble communicating. We're both not good at expressing our feelings. Especially about thigs we dislike. I think this really hurt us. Towards the end of the relationship we began to fight more and more. And since we weren't good at communicating, we always had trouble making up. For me, I thought the fighting was ok because I just accepted it as something normal and it would make us stronger. I always figured we would overcome them. But unfortunately, they took a harder toll on Jane. I don't know if fighting is the only reason, but eventually she told me she did not love me anymore . She said the feeling just started to go away. This was back in April and we are now 23.

 

Of course I was devistated . I have never been so hurt in my life. And everything just seem to fall apart around me...school, work and family. I felt like she gave up on me when I needed her most. I just couldn't comprehend how she could have just fallen out of love after being so close. I still can't and dont fully ondertand it. The next couple of months I couldn't think straight. She was always on my mind as I kept over analyzing ever little detail.

 

Like many here, I kept on contacting her and pressuring to try to be together again. I was weak and broken. That didn't work out well and seem to be pushing her away. Since then I found this site and have been doing what people have suggested. And thats just to give her some space and focus on my own life. I have finally taken this to heart this past month and really try to act like I don't care as much about us cause I actually do care a great deal. Does that make sense? So that we have some hope of getting back together.

 

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What I want to know are some tips and suggestions for helping my ex get her feelings back for me. So far I have stopped calling her unless its absolutely necessary. And when I do talk to her I don't bring up the subject and always try to be happy and helpful. I also started working out. I'm actually making progress. I know I need to focus on myself so what kind of things should I focus on with myself? Most of all, I just try to be her friend. But I can't help being a little more sometimes. So far everything has been working. What else should I do or shouldn't do?

 

Things feel a little better between us. After I stopped calling her, she has now started calling me daily before she goes to bed at night. Should I answer all the time? One thing I'm curious about is she always tells me about her guy troubles. Like all these guys hitting on her at her new work place and outside work. And how her parents are pressuring her to get married to this well off doctor. She tells me shes not intrested and some of it is even getting to the point of harassment. I just remain focus and give her sound advice. But deep inside this does have a EFFECT on me as I am still in love with her. Why would she keep telling me about this? I know she feel comfortable confiding in me. But is she trying to make me jealous also? At the end of the conversation I always say "night and sweet dreams". She use to say the whole thing back or more when we were together but the now all she replies with is just "night" or "you too". Does this mean something? Am I looking into this too much? Should I be saying sweetdreams? Should I even be answering her calls each night?

 

I gonna try to keep in contact with her as little a possible and keep myself busy. But I want to know what you guys think of this. What would be our four year aniversary is coming up next month. I was thinking of sending some roses to her workplace with a simple card like "thinking of you today". Would this be a good idea? It would keep some of those guys off her back also.

 

I love her but in the end I understand she has to come back on her own will. Especially since she has fallen out of love, i know she has to build it back. I just want to help her build it back without being intrusive. I know she still cares about me and loves me although not in a romantic way. Its so hard for me because my feelings for her has never changed. I'm just doing this because I want and hope that we are together again some day. So many things to say, but I think you guys know what i'm getting at. Thanks for reading all of this and commenting.

[Gunther]

okay, thats good, so far nothing unfixable has happened, my advice is just shorten it to good night "NAME". also dont keep contact as little as possible, that was a good idea at first but after a while you will need to talk more. but it seems to me {/me takes a stab in the dark} that you kinda gave her to much attention {a common mistake don't worry yourself about it} it can be hard to find just the right balance between calling to much to little visiting ect. you need to look at her hints, for one if she even wants to give it another try, there are other women out there seeing as how I don't believe in true love and such {sry I just dont} if she doesnt want to try then it wont work you need to take it slow dont try to sweep her off of her feet or anything because you just have to act like you self because if you dont she will expect more out of you than you are capable of giving to some one. breaking up always hurts, just dont LET it happen a third time, if it doesnt work out the second time you should not try agian, other wise it may become a habit. but other than that just try to get to the rank if you will of "best friend" more spacificly "best guy friend" dont try to compete with her female friends thats just pointless. once you have achieved this then I do not think it would be out of the question to ask her to come over to your house\ hers or some sort of coffe shop or something {LoL i keep thinking of the line "you wanna go grab some coffee or something? hehehe} but other than that dont try to cut yourself off completely or she may loose interest.

[GX9117]

Thanks Virus for your opinion. Yeah finding the right balance of contact is what i'm trying to do right now. I dont initiate the talks or visit anymore. Seems like she does plenty now. I'm just wondering if I should be attentive to her efforts at contacting me or seem busy sometimes. But, thanks for keeping things realistic. I know that there are other women out there. But I just can't get myself intrested in them while I still have feelings for my ex. Other than that, I think I'm already and still her best friend. I'm just gonna let her take this wherever she wants it. But at the same time remind her indirectly what she is missing.

 

Its funny you mention the coffee thing. She is such a starbucks girl, although i really never liked that setting. Also she called me today on her lunch break and asked if I could pick up her contacts for her tomorrow. That was kinda odd. I kinda said do you really need them by tomorrow? She just said she yeah and was on her last pair. Funny thing is that her optomitrist is open on saturday so she could get it herself. I wonder if she is just making an excuse to see me? Well, in any event thats good, but I'm gonna try not to think too much into it.

 

BTW what does the OCS in front of your nick mean? Sounds like a clan name.