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I do not know where to begin. It all hurts so badly. But I guess any starting point is as good as no start.

My boyfriend of 7 years and the father of my child are experiencing some hard times. You see we have been together since high school as a matter of fact we got engaged the summer following my graduation. We have been engaged since 1998 and we were planning our wedding ceremony for July of this year(2002). He comes home one evening after partying with the fellows, which isn't unusual---Except this time, he says we need to talk. Well we had argued the night before he left to hang out with the boys but we always made up and so I didn't think anymore of the argument. Like I said he came home and wanted to talk, only to tell me that he wasn't ready to get married, yet. That hit me like a ligthing bolt from hell and I thought that I would never be able to forgive him for that. But as time went on, I realized that it was better to wait on marriage so that we would not be asking for a divorce weeks later. Two weeks following the cancellation of the wedding, he decides that we should move back home with our parents---then he decides no that is not a smart move cause once you leave the nest you really do not want to go back and deal with the rules of the house. So thanksgiving rolls around and things haven't really changed, we are walking on pins and needles but I am under the impression that we will work this mess out cause we love each other. Then another blow to the head, he says I think we should take some time apart. I wanted to clarify exactly what he meant; were we breaking up and moving on with our lives or taking some time apart. He made it known that he didn't think I was the one for him. I asked how he could figure all of this out in a month and he said that he had been thinking about it for awhile. So, then he tells me that he loves me but he doesn't know that he is in love with me. And he does not know if he loves me because we have a child together or because we have been together for 7 years and he feels comfortable. This isn't like him and I just do not know what to do. I want to move on but I just love him to much. Should I turn my back on him or do I stand behind a confused man to wait for him to fall? We have never broken up; we were the perfect couple.

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hmm.. your just PLAIN STUPID i mean damn girl i know you love him and i all i know how you feel when someone who you love so much and someone who you especially spent a long time with thinks hes not theo ne for you and wants to break it off but you need to get your butt and be strong and stand strong and be an independent women once again lying there and moping is not gonna do any good and someone else out there can be better for you i think

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  • 4 weeks later...

I am sorry to pass judgement so quick on the last reply but all that hit me was "Wow, this person doesn't have a clue what there are talking about."The person has probably never been married. Me, on the converse I say hang in there. You have been with this man for seven years and he is the father of your child', that's not something you just throw away. I would ask him to clarifiy even though men can be some out of tune with their own feelings... it's it crazy. Either they are lying to us or they just don't plain know. I haven;t figure out which one it is yet. BUt, I would set and push for a date. You wouldn't want to be that woman down the road with a child that the father is no where to be found or is whishy washy, for lack of a better term. One thing you might want to consider and I have heard and seen this in the past, is that may be, just maybe, your boyfriend hasn't sowed his oats and wants to explore. I know that's not what you want to hear but it is the nature of the beast, I think. You guys have been together since highschool, so he might not have had a chance to be with other women. It might or might not be the case, just something to keep in the back of your head. In conclusion, tey to figure him out more and what he really wants, push and try, try, to set a date. You shouldn't be just standing by with his child waiting for him to committ. Good luck. I really hope that helped or at least gave you some other perspective. Men are funny aren't they?

 

My thoughts,

Jenny

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Hi Triwania.

 

I am hardly an expert on relationships, but I think that I can see things for what they really are; I'm a pretty logical person. (To a fault, actually.) What your fiancee did was very mature and honest. He doesn't feel comfortable commiting to you until he knows what his feelings for you are. After 7 years, I have a feeling that mentally he has already exited the relationship. Perhaps it was too early, perhaps you two grew apart over that time, who knows. And in fact, it doesn't really matter - because it takes two.

 

You may not want to hear it, but you can't MAKE people love you... and after 7 years, if he doesn't have his head screwed on tight enough to go through with a marriage, then it was probably not the best choice for him, and ultimately for you too. Let's be thankful he discovers this now, rather than later! I am very sorry to hear what you are going through - it must be very tough. I wasn't with my girlfriend for nearly that long (only 3 1/2 years), and we never had plans to get married, but I am in major turmoil right now after 1 1/2 weeks of being broken up. I can just imagine how you feel! I hope it all works out for you, and don't forget this site exists... the understanding and advice on this site is overwhelming, and while I just discovered it today, I am quite sure it will make a difference in my own recovery. Good luck with everything - it WILL get easier, I promise.

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