Confused!?! (Its long)

[Pinkbubbles]

Hi Guys,

 

A not so brief summary of my relationship with this guy:

 

I met this guy almost a year ago at my going away party. I was leaving for 3 months and he came out to my party with my brother. There was this instant attraction but I thought nothing else of it cause he was one of my brothers friends. He insisted that we were going to go out when I got home though. I figured he was just buggin my brother, but still I kinda wondered the whole time I was away. When I did get home there was not mention of us going out. So we ended up just hanging out around my brother and all their other buddies. We would always end up like breaking away from the group and just hanging out. Then one night I was driving him home and he asked me to marry him. I was shocked by the question but I figured he was joking around so I kinda laughed it off which he wasnt really impressed by.

 

We didnt hang out after that for a couple weeks then one night when I was out with the girls I ran into him and a bunch of his buddies (that werent my brothers friends). He saw me and pulled me into a hug, then introduced me to his friends as the girl he is going to marry. We had a good talk and it was a fun night, but nothing came of it. Then I was hanging out with my brother later that week and he was like you know my friend still wants to marry you. Which is really strang because my brother is very overprotective especially when it comes to me and his friends. The next time I hung out with my guy he asked about us dating again and I said its just too weird for me and that I didnt want to screw anything up between them or my brother and I. He said that he had already talked to my brother about it and that he approved, then he proceeded to call my brother to ask again. But he never like made plans for a date. I drove him home and when we got to his house he invited me in to watch a movie, I stupidly declined because I wasnt feeling well.

 

My Grandfather passed away about a month ago so I had to go home for that, so I was gone for awhile and we had no contact, but my brother and I had a really good talk about my situation which cleared the air for me. Then when I got home my friends threw my a cheer up party to which he was not invited, but during the party he called my to ask what I was up to. He had been out with all his friends, but ditched them to come to where I was. I ended up going back to his place that night. We didnt have sex. We had a really nice night getting to know one another and just being comfortable together. He invited me over the next night to hang out cause he was having some people over, but I'm not completely comfortable with that cause I mean it is still my brother, so I didnt go.

 

I've asked him to hang out a few times since then but we never got together. Then last weekend it was my friends birthday and I invited him out to that but he went to a different bar with his buddies and tried to get me to leave my friends there to go hang out with him. I wasnt about to leave my friend on her birthday so I told him that if he wanted to hang out he knew where I would be. He ended up showing up just as we were leaving cause she was sick. We had a really comfortable talk, I figured it would be awkward because of our last time together, while we were waiting for a cab. But then before our cab showed up his buddy (who also once tried to date me) came up and was like lets get drunk. My guy just turned and walked away to the bar without so much as a word to me. So I left, mad at him, with my friends. But then like 15minutes after I got home he texted me to make sure I got home ok and that my friend was ok.

 

But I refused to give into his act of too little too late, cause it happens all the time. I havent called him since, but he called me and texted me a couple times this week, like nothing happened this last week. His work schedule is 2 weeks on, 1 week off. I mean great you get a week off that we get to hang out for but then I have to go 2 weeks without any contact, thats not ok with me. He could so much as give me a call every now and then.

 

I'm really sorry the story is really long, I'm just really frustrated and I hope someone has some advice for me. My friends are telling me that he's not worth it or that he's not that interested. And usually I can tell if someone is not interested. I've been hurt really bad in the past and I have alot of trust issues when is comes to guys but for some reason I wont give up on him. I just keep putting myself out there to be hurt. I'm so confused about this.

 

Thank you to anyone who reads this whole thing and takes the time to post a resonse I really appreciate your thoughts and opinions!

[DN]

Seems to me as if both of you are giving mixed signals - and you were first doing that. Why not call him up and ask him out on a proper date and see what happens.

[Batya33]

Watch the feet not the lips. he enjoys making grand statements about marriage but when it comes to actually asking you out on a proper date he plans in advance, apparently he cannot be bothered. what I would do the next time he calls is say that you like the time you've spent hanging out with him, you are flattered by his attention but at this point you are looking for someone who wants to spend time with you consistently (i.e. once a week) where that time is planned in advance because you like to make your plans in advance. If that doesn't work for him that's fine, but it probably will not work for you.

 

I would not ask him out - it is obvious he is not shy and in fact has been very forward with you. You need to send him the clear message that you're not going to be his last minute plan and jump whenever he calls.

[caro33]

I agree with Batya re watch the behaviour and don't get caught up in what he says, but I also agree with DN and think this sounds like a lot of mixed messages.

 

What actually do you want out of this?

 

BTW you have been describing someone who wants to be with you and who even has your brother's approval, not someone who's playing games with you. Do you think he sees the way clear with you to make those phonecalls you want? Maybe he's not clear about your status together.

 

Just a suggestion, could you maybe break your story (the big chunk in particular) into paragraphs so we can better read it. When it's like this it's hard to follow what you are saying and picking out the main points is a challenge. I'm not meaning to nitpick but this might get you more responses.

[Pinkbubbles]

I know that he has been very forward about what he wants, I'm just having trouble with the fact that he cant give up his buddies to spend time with me, or that I dont seem to be that important to him for him to want to spend time with me. I didnt mention in my previous entry that he is 25 and I am 19. I feel like I am more settled than his is eventhough he is 6 years old than me.

 

I have asked him to go out, in really low pressure situations like skating or coffee but he seems to always have to work or something, which could very well be true cause he's always on call, but then I'm also afraid that he is over what he once felt for me and is just being nice because I am his buddies little sister.

 

I think that he is the friend not the sister, and he is older he should be able to step up and either tell me that he wants to be with me, like he has hinted at, or just tell me that he's over it.

 

Thanks for your comments, they've definitely made me reconsider somethings that have happened.

[caro33]

Well based on this I will perhaps reconsider the mixed messages issue, at least from your side. If you have made it clear you wanted to see how things would go as you describe here, I can certainly see how you're doubting his commitment to starting something with you.

 

Think Batya put it best already.

 

(thanks for reformatting your post, easier to digest now - hope it gets some more responses for you)