scare or not interested

[Jian]

I started dating a girl 2 weeks ago, we had a fantastic first date and we saw each other 4 times during the last 2 weeks, 3 times at her place and 1 time we went to my place and to a restaurant. Shes cute and I feel it was easy to have conversation with her. I personally think she had the same attraction. However, the last time we saw each other i started to slowly build tension by being a bit more physical, just touching her feet with mine, touching her lower back or arm. But I could feel she was not 100% comfortable.

 

Yesterday we were supposed to have a date, I call her in the noon, she said shes with a friend (girl) and she will be ready soon, she will then call me when she is. She never called.

 

I called her later that night, she said she stayed with her friend that day because her friend is going through a divorce. She also said she have to study that evening. I asked if she will be busy tomorrow night so we could go out for a dinner. She said again she will be busy studying and ended the conversation as fast as she could.

 

Ok, I got that she has no more interest in me, cool im moving on. However I send her an email last night telling her that I really had good time with her and I wished her good luck in her study and that I was disappointed that she was ending things that soon. A formal au revoir, as I didnt like how our conversation ended on the phone.

 

She send me a reply telling me that she was sorry and the reason why she want to end things is not because of me but because of her study. She sacrificed a lot for it already and she just moved here and had to leave her last boyfriend where she lived before (about 5 months ago) and she dosent want to re-live that pain again, has she is not sure she will stay here. Shes interested to stay friend with me but cannot give me a lot of her time.

 

I personally think I will move on, even if I feel a bit regret, and im confuse if she really mean shes not interested (FRIEND WORD?!!) in me or its because of some kind of baggages she has and shes scare of going for a relationship at the moment. Ill be interested to hear your opinions. Thanks!

[annie24]

hey - well, good for you for moving on. yeah, I think that is the right thing to do. I am also glad you moved on when you did - some other guys would like, hound her and keep asking her out, until she just flat out told them!

 

You sound like a smart guy, you'll meet someone better. As for her, maybe she is genuinely in a place where she will not make a good gf. So don't take what she said as a rejection.

 

good luck

[chai714]

Jian,

 

It's a good thing you're moving forward with your dating life. Her interest began to waiver after the first date.

 

Her "studying" reason is her nice way of saying, "I'm not interested." Don't take this personal but rather as a learning experience. I'm glad you're keeping your head up about this. If you're going to take her up on her "friend" offer, ask her if she has any cute friends she can introduce you to. Otherwise, don't take that friendship offer seriously.

[Day_Walker]

All you need to know is that she is not interested, the reason why she is not interested is not important. You can choose to be friends with her or not that is your choice, however if you still have feelings for her then I wouldnt be her friend.

[Jian]

Thanks for the answers. Simply forget this, is the best course to take. I feel better already, thanks!

 

As for the reason why she is not interested is not important, well I like to think and see what went wrong when things dosent work out, at least I can work on my mistake, but in that case i don't think im really the problem so im not taking this rejection personally.

 

Thanks and have a good day!