I'm not sure whether I want to break up with her or get closer

[darkspark]

Note: I am just dating this girl at the moment, nothing more.

 

I went on a blind date over a month ago with a friend of mine and his girlfriend (double/blind date). I ate dinner with the same girl a week later and went back to her place to watch a movie, and we had a great time and got much closer to each other. Since she lives on the other side of my campus (I go to a university with 45,000+ students), we can only manage to see her once or twice a week. We didn't see each other around Thanksgiving because I was out of town. But th Sunday following, we had dinner together again. When compared to the first dinner we had alone together, she seemed more "distracted" than out first dinner. I called her the Thursday following to see what her plans were for the upcoming weekend. She said she was busy on both Friday and Saturday night, and I was busy Sunday night, but she promised to call me on Monday. Monday came and went with no call. I called her on Monday and left a voice message on Tuesday. By Thursday, since I hadn't heard back from her, I sent her a PM over Facebook. She responded quickly saying I forgot. I'll call you tomorrow." By 5pm Friday, she text messaged me (not called) saying she was sorry she "hasn't called." Since I have finals this weekend, I didn't try to make any plans with her (for me, grade supersede relationships). I am kind of offended she hasn't called me. I think I deserve a little more than a text message.

 

At this point, I have seen her in 2 weeks or talked with her on the phone in over a week. I've come to determine this is not what I want in a relationship. I text messaged her back yesterday saying "We should talk before we head home for the holidays," since we wont be seeing each other for 3.5 weeks. We agreed to Monday afternoon.

 

Part of me still wants to date this girl. I have found I like this girl when I actually date her. However, when I go 2 weeks without seeing her, I don't like her enough to start anything more with her. I honestly don't think we have spent much time together to either completely like or dislike each other. However, unless it gets any better than this, I would rather date someone else.

 

How should I approach her with this?

[arwen]

I think you need to tell her what you are looking for. Maybe she just wants to take things slow. Life is generally quite busy around the holidays. You just went on two dates, and she forgot to call you. I think that could mean that she has a lot on her plate and isn't actively looking for a relationship and doesn't expect that to happen at this point. But it's not hopeless, you just need to get to know each other more before you have this kind of closeness that is a relationship. Do you feel that she isn't interested enough? Then just ask her if she is interested in dating you. If she seems hesitant to answer, suggest that honesty is better than uncertainty. I think she will understand.

 

Ilse

[valenski]

Hey Darkspark, if you had finals maybe she had finals too, probably had loads of stuff to do and forgot to call. Look you dont have to date her to be her friend if you just like hanging out with her every now and again thats cool, if you dont like her enough to date her, then dont.

[rosie76]

In the same boat with something that seemed to be starting really well but then dwindled on unreturned phone calls and busy schedules before the holiday break. Never did get to see him before leaving, so after a few weeks of dating - the last two of which we only saw each other once a week - it will be a break of five weeks or so.

 

I feel exactly the same way you do - when I actually get to see him, I really enjoy it and want to see a lot more of him. But not being able to see him all that often is disappointing and makes me feel he's not interested, which makes me want to see a lot less of him. All in all, I think seeing him made me unhappy more of the time than it made me happy. Is that true for you with this girl? If so, not dating her is probably the right thing to do.

 

That said, the holidays are a crazy time and everyone's busy. If you enjoy spending time with her, why not come back after break and let her know you'd be happy to meet up if she wanted to? Spending time apart over break will probably make this easier - it'll die on its own if she's not that keen, and if she is keen she'll probably have an easier schedule and you can work out whether she can give you the sort of relationship you want.

[Lily04]

I experienced the same sort of thing... but decided I'm better than that. Honestly she doesn't seem that interested......if a person were really interested in getting to know someone/dating, they wouldn't pull that type of thing. Drop her is my suggestion, you can do better. (that's the way I think about guys anyway.)