do we let them make their mistakes?

[cominguproses]

my ex told me that he knew in the future he was going to realize he made a big mistake and that it will be too late because i will have moved on. since then, he has been trying to keep our friendship up but also pursuing another girl. i'm not the only one he told this to...he told this to one of my friends, who forwarded me their IM conversation where he said it. so he's admitted that he knows its a mistake that hes going to regret more than once.

 

so if our exes KNOW they're going to realize they've screwed something up, do we let them make their mistakes or intervene to fight for what we want?

 

thanks.

[RayKay]

Yeah....well, I have to be honest with you, I think it's a line to make themselves feel better, and to maybe keep you hanging on. They don't KNOW they are going to realize they screwed something up; if they were that worried about losing you they never would of left.

 

I can definitely say I have heard this from more than one ex, whom was very persistent about it even being a mistake. Did not change anything really.

 

No, you do not intervene; how would you? To convince them they aren't? Pretty fruitless endeavour in my experience.

 

Honestly, in time you will realize yup, they did make a mistake. But their mistake will be your (and someone whom does want to be with you!) gain. Really.

[cominguproses]

thanks for your advice!

[annie24]

I can definitely say I have heard this from more than one ex, whom was very persistent about it even being a mistake. Did not change anything really.

 

oh, I remember that guy you told us about! that was one heck of a story *sigh*

 

yeah, I gotta echo raykay's sentiments. if he knows he is making a mistake, then why not do something about it now? I don't think that anything you say or do will change his feelings and make him get back with you. Actually, I think if you start dating someone new, that would be the best thing of all. because either your ex will realize THEN that he's made a mistake, or you will move on with this new guy.

 

either way, don't wait around for this guy....

[cominguproses]

oh, I remember that guy you told us about! that was one heck of a story *sigh*

 

yeah, I gotta echo raykay's sentiments. if he knows he is making a mistake, then why not do something about it now? I don't think that anything you say or do will change his feelings and make him get back with you. Actually, I think if you start dating someone new, that would be the best thing of all. because either your ex will realize THEN that he's made a mistake, or you will move on with this new guy.

 

either way, don't wait around for this guy....

 

true, i need to date other people!

 

thanks a lot! yeah im working on moving on, but hearing something like this makes it hard, you know?!

[Ellie2006]

Hi there,

 

Sorry if this sounds harsh but I don't think you should put too much stock in what your ex said; if he thinks it such a big mistake, he will stop himself w/o anyone prompting him.

 

This may be a silly analogy but here goes: if someone knows it's a big mistake to drive their car into the side of a building, they don't step on their accelerator. Instead, they stomp on the breaks to stop their car.

They will do whatever it takes to stop their car without anyone waving red flags at them to let them know that they are going the wrong way.

 

It appears as though your ex is going full ahead in pursuing this other girl.

His actions tell me that he is willing to take the risk of making a big mistake, and his priority for now is pursuing this girl.

 

This is a sidenote but if you are doing NC with your ex, maybe you can ask your friends not to forward you their IM conversations with him?

 

Hang in there, Cominuproses.

 

Hugs,

Ellie

[annie24]

I know. it is hard. *sigh* but, i guess if he wants to 'make this mistake' then just let him. he will learn, and you'll have moved on

 

hang in there, ok? start dating, if nothing else, it will get your mind off your ex for a few hours.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

I think he is saying that just to make you feel better.

 

However, he is still pursuing other girls. This means that his heart is not with you right now.

 

You really have to move on. If he really love you, he wouldn't have the thought of pursuing other girls. He is just not that into you.

[cominguproses]

thanks guys! im gonna do my best

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Glad to hear that you are going to do your best.

 

I remember my ex said to me "You shouldn't be the only one [to love me]" and he wanted to get to know other girls. I let him to. Well, this was my first relationship. I should know this is a big red flag. I should dump him immediately. Everytime, I think about it, he is just not that into me.

[annie24]

LOL - "I have to spread the love around!" wow guest, i am glad you are rid of that creep.