Rant and a question

[Mysterious Gurl]

Hiya!!

 

I haven't been on here for quite a while actually. When I was on here I use to post frequently (everyday in fact) about the same problem. I use go on about this guy who I loved quite deeply and how he hurt me so badly. To be honest I was naive because he was so much older than me and was spoken for but he used to say he "loved" me and I use to believe it because it's what I wanted to hear.

 

He's gone now. I don't talk to him anymore but I still think about him a lot and how hurt I got through everything he did to me. He played on my feelings for him, he made me out to be a liar to his other half and his mates and watched me get humiliated by people.

 

Is it normal to still think about him? I moved on thanks to a friend. The guy on my avatar is Darren and he use to spend a lot of time on MSN talking to me and setting my head straight and gradually we became closer. We don't see each other much as we want because we live 250 miles away from each other. We're going out now and he makes me feel special and wanted and I want to keep him for as long as I can and he does feel the same way too.

 

I'm going to see him with my best friend for 10 days after Christmas.

We care a lot for each other but I still think about the guy who hurt me and I can't understand why? I want to erase him completely from memory and if I ever had the chance I'd make it so we never even met.

 

The problem I'm facing at the moment is Darren has a girl at his College who flatters and flirts with him constantly. He told me about her on MSN the other night ad I really appreciated his honesty and he said he doesn't have any feelings for her what so ever and I believe him, so why do I feel insecure? and why do I still think about this guy whoa hurt me?

 

I'm sooo scared I might get hurt again.

 

Not sure what to do or if anything I've wrote has made sense. I just wanted to write down what was spiraling through my head.

[anna_may33]

i can identify with your feelings mysterious girl. Its so easy to give advice, not so easy to take it.

 

I had a boyfriend for five years who treated me badly and it was only when we broke up that I realised how bad that treatment was. Even though I'm now married, I still think of him. I thought about him more in the relationships I had after him and before I got married. In fact, I thought about him every day and it affected the way I acted in those relationships. On the negative side, it made me paranoid and afraid to trust. I think this is only natural mysterious girl. You were hurt and its something that has to heal. On the positive side, it taught me warning signs and to be more assertive, to be more aware of my needs and my right to respect in a relationship. As time went by, I thought about him less and less. When a relationship is over, its like a death. Your hopes and dreams with that person die and its like a mourning process. You need time to grieve and it takes time before you are truly ready for another relationship. The relationships I had straight after we broke up were a disaster because I hadn't given myself a chance to breathe. I hardly think about my ex at all now. Though my hurt has gone, I am still affected. I am jealous and insecure when other women are around my husband.

 

But, my husband has been nothing but honest with me as it seems is Darren with you. I take great comfort in that. He tells me things that do awake the green eyed monster but at least I know what is going on in his head. It is not his problem I feel insecure, its mine and I feel terrible that he suffers because of my insecurity. Has Darrren ever done anything to make you doubt him? Every relationship is a risk. There is always a chance you get hurt but its a chance we have to take if we want to be with someone.

 

I think the fact that you and Darren have chosen to spend so long together at Christmas speaks volumes. That time together will either strengthen your relationship or give you a chance to consider if it will work. My husband and I were literally half the world away in the year prior to our marriage and I have to say it was one of the most difficult times I have gone through with pure frustration and misunderstanding. Just make sure you communicate properly. It sounds like he is making a real effort to be open with you and I understand how you would be wary. You know the warning signs and while you should keep them in mind, don't let your relationship with your ex effect your future. If you put it firmly in the past he can't hurt you again.

 

Good luck and Happy Christmas!

[Mysterious Gurl]

Thanks for that.

 

I feel better knowing I'm not alone in m thoughts. I too realised I was so naive about how I was treat and I chose to ignore that because I was too afraid of getting hurt and in the end I did.

 

It was awful, he ignored me for weeks and weeks and I couldn't get the image of him and his other half out of my head, it literally ate me up inside and I was so jealous and tourmented by it. I had days where I felt like just ending it and days when I felt calm because he decided he would log on MSN and he would charm me around.

 

I want to be stronger and assertive and I'm afraid I lost nearly all my confidence. I think negatively a lot like why is Darren interested in me when theres better? or why do I have a boyfriend because I'm so ugly etc ...

 

I just sometimes feel a waste of space and some things that happened I can't get over.

 

He use to say he "loved" me and when people started finding out I had feelings for him, he denied it to save his own skin and watched me get knocked down with insults like "as if he would be interested in a malicious, nasty piece of work like yourself". After that remark by one of his friends I started to believe one thing which was, "why is anyone interested in me?"

 

I mean ... why is it so hard for his friend to believe that he might of had feelings for me? What is wrong with me??

 

Even though I have Darren (and I do think the world of him) I just wish I could get rid of these little things that haunt me. Darren has been such an impact on my life. He picked me up when I had hit rock bottom and I'm so greatful to him for that.

 

I'm so much happier but when I'm alone, or listening to music or I actually have time to sit back and relax ... I begin to think about things that hurt me. I just want to erase this guy from memory, I hate that I ever had feelings for him and I hate I even met and kissed him. The thought of it makes me sick and makes my skin crawl.

 

I just feel like in a way I'm cheating on Darren with my feelings and I don't want that. I need/want Darren so much and the thought of losing him like I did this guy frightens me. Infact I fear it everday even though Darren has reassured me I wont and has given me no reason to doubt him.

 

I guess because Darren has a girl flirting around him at College makes me feel terrotorial. I lost this guy to another women kinda of. I just don't want to go through the pain of believing someone loved me when all along it was a lie and then to get humiliated by it is so much worse.

 

I need to really start building confidence again and I need to really try and forget this guy because he's no good.

 

Thanks for your reply!

 

MG x