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Hi all....I am in a new relationship....it is going very well...met him on a dating site and found out we grew up about 30 minutes away from each other in Minnesota...and we both live in Colorado now. (Small world eh?) And I never knew that dating someone who grew up in the area where you did could make such a difference. We have many of the same ways of thinking, values...etc...He is wonderful and we are totally infatuated with each other. I am a pretty demonstrative and affectionate person...and although he claims he loves it and can't get enough phone calls, little notes, emails, cards...etc...I have noticed lately that I was doing most of the "work" and starting to feel a bit taken for granted. So I stopped. No emails...I stopped calling him at the usual time...I even left my cell phone at home "by accident" so I would miss his calls during the day. I just backed the heck off.


The result?


When he couldn't reach me on my cell he called my extension at my office...with a worried tone, asked if every thing was okay.....I cheerfully told him..."oops" forgot my cell...he asked worriedly how my day was going ...I brightly said it was terrific...and left out the drippy affectionate talk that has he has become used to as of late...


He made an extra effort to spend time with me that evening...(practically begged me to let him come over) and was ten times as affectionate, sweet and attentive than he has been in a few weeks....WHY??? Because I got off the floor and stopped acting like a love-soaked RUG!!! Perhaps he realizes that although I ADORE HIM....my life doesnt revolve around him.


(I have lost boyfriends before because of my overly-arduous behavior)

I have never been secure enough to release my white-knucked grasp before...to be able to let go enough to let someone come to ME !!!


It works. (Okay- don't overdo it, that's MEAN) But I never believed the high school/ grade school game of "If you like someone....IGNORE THEM..."


Go figure...

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Too funny, but too true. I sometimes think it sad that we have to play games, but we do. I read on the boards once, that we do have to play the games.


It is hard to know when. Someone comes after you full bore, so you get scared and back off. They keep coming so you think it must be ok, so you come forward, then they back off.


I think, at least for me, that it is important to find a way to do MANY other things, so you can keep your mind off of them, while they chase you.



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What just happened to you was this: you regularly gave him something he liked, something that fulfilled an emotional want or need in him; when it began to be too much of a one way street, you had two choices, withdraw as you did or ask for more from him; you withdrew and did he ever notice; when he noticed he took steps to go get what he was now missing.


This might not work if you had never given to him soemthing that he wanted. But, you had, so it did. And it feelsmuch better that he gave back to you without you having asked for it, doesn't it.


Yes, if you go too far and stretch the other person too far, your game may fail. But if you are subtle it can work very well. Just be aware of what you are doing.


We all play games to get our own way. It's much better to play and get what you really want. It's better still if you both win.

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