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inlove with my bestfriend (girl)


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Now is your chance to tell her everything. You've got nothing to lose. Yeah she might not be your friend anymore but you could move on. Even if that was the case then it's no different from what you already want. You already want to leave her. Just sit her down and tell her that the reason why it's hard for you to see her with her ex is because you want to be with her.

 

 

Agreed.

 

Now it is the time to go for all or nothing. What I do find confusing is the "I would chose you over him". I would chose you over my boyfriend. I don't know, but around here that is not something you would say to a friend. And usually, when a relationship is involved, love is stronger than a friendship, so they usually chose the mate over the friend.

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tell her. Im 90% sure she already knows. my girl knew before I did anything. I really think she already knows.

 

tell her. hear what she thinks. accept that she probably doesn't like you back.

 

things can't get much worse than what you're feeling now right?

 

say that the only reason you were thinking of leaving was because you have feelings for her and you just want her to be happy but you didn't think you'd be strong enough to see them together, but you are willing to try because her friendship is important to you.

 

Just tell her and see where your conversation goes.

 

You've got a great friend in her, how many people could say that their best friend would choose them over a bf? I bet not many.

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  • 4 weeks later...

A lot has happened since then. i was planning to tell her about how i felt, but we got into this big argument and i spent of the nights crying myself to sleep while she just spoke on the phone with her bf everynight, basically she was neglecting me and focusing on her bf.

 

we worked it out, n now everything is supposedly back to 'normal' but i feel so uncomfortable inside when i see them together. i just cant stand the sight.. i would have to leave the room, which i did at most recent parties when i saw them.

Recently i went to a party and she was there, she kinda spent time with me instead of with him, she was holding my hand hugging me leaning on me... then she would go to her bf and do that with him for a bit.. then she would come back to me and spend some time with me. before this party she askd if i was going or not, i said yes and she said "i'll only go if you go, since you're going ill definitely go now" and im thinking .. why does it matter if i go or not? i mean she has her bf right.

 

im finding it really hard to get over it. somewhere inside me thinks that she has got feelings for me. Am i just being stupid and stubborn or could it be that she does have something for me.. eventhough she is dating him?

is it possible that she has feelings for me but is dating him? ..... or do i just really need to get over it and go on with my life..

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i just read every post in this discussion and you know...from what i've read she could very well have the same feelings for you and she's testing you to see how you react, by getting back with her bf and all. especially since she never talks to you about guys and she was hesitant to tell you about getting back together with her ex. she doesn't want you to like it! and by you telling her that you're happy for her, that shows her that you may not have feelings for her. you could BOTH be awaiting reactions from each other, and neither of you are making any move, so it's like the two of you are running around in circles repeating yourselves over and over. tell her your feelings! because if she's waiting for you to make the first move and you don't, then she might just give up and think you're not interested in her. there's nothing worse than wondering *what could have happened if...* for the rest of your life.

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i know what i should do is *Tell her everything* but its not easy. Right now she seems happy with him.. i dont want to disturb their relationship.. as i already have 3 years ago..

 

i didnt call her, didnt talk to her, didnt talk to her on messenger since i saw her last week at that party. it was a week. i had no contact with her at all, i wanted to see if i could not care and not think about her because in my mind i think that she doesnt care about me anymore... cant help but think that. i spent most of the days thinking about her tho, i couldnt sleep, i went on with my daily routine but when i thought of her it just put me down.

 

i have this anger towards her when the image of them being together plays in my head. everytime i picture them it just hurts. .. so i guess iv been trying to avoid thinking about it by not having much contact with her.

 

he was on messenger, and his picture was of them two and his nickname said something loving and corny. i felt so angry at her when i saw this i dont know why tho.. i guess its jealously. despite this, her messenger didnt say anything loving or corny towards him .. and instead her picture was of ME and her. after not talking for 4 or so days she put our picture on. so i guess maybe i do mean something to her then.

 

lastnight i decided to call because she was apprently unwell so i wanted to ask if she was ok, she was in a call though so i hung up. she called me back immediately and we talked. she kept asking me if everything was ok, if i was ok .. and when i said i was she kept insisting that i wasnt. i didnt really say much.. it felt weird talking to her, i didnt feel comfortable at all. she said " i was so happy when u called because i thought that you really did want to talk to me, but u dont, i can tell by ur voice" she stopped talking after this and our converstion was just silent.. then i said do u want go then, she said " my friends are here anyway " i guess she was planning to go out then.

 

Couldn't sleep, after not talking to her for a week, our converstation just ended badly anyway. i feel so uncomfortable talking to her, becuase it feels like i cant be myself cant joke around with her about 'us' because shes got him..

 

i dont feel like i can be the person i used to be with her, before she decided to get back together with him. .. and she keeps asking why i act differently now. last week i could b like how i used to be with her for a bit at that party, because for that moment, i ignored that fact that shes dating someone..

 

what should i do.. i tried the no contact.. but i just thought about her anyway

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see purple if she felt the same way bout HIM guess she would have put up his pic n her pic.... but no she did think of u n put up pics of u too...i know that i do this sumtimes too on messanger ...wehn im chatting with her fiance.....hehe neways...sumtimes even she puts up a pic of me n her in her cell|!!!! so i do think she is trying to make u blurt it out....coz inside she knows u hiding sumtihng n wants u TO TELL NOT HER...SO TRY ....n try to tell her like that u r goin out with a friend etc...n see her reaction to it soon.!!!!

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I think you should tell her. 4 years is a long time. I think knowing is better than not knowing.

 

You could be right but you could be wrong. The worst case scenario is that she can't deal with it and you lose the friendship. However everyone knows you are close, so I doubt she would do anything to hurt you. She obviously cares deeply for you on some level so I think it is likely you would work out your friendship over time. This will be hard for both of you.

 

I think you should think how to bring the subject up. Talk about a hypothetical situation, or a celebrity or something.

 

Don't do what I did and send a drunken text message! However the friend in question accepted me. Ironically it would have been easier if she hadn't - I found it so hard to carry on being friends with her - I had decided she would either reciprocate my feelings or reject me entirely - I didn't expect she would want to continue the friendship as before - but now my feelings have subsided and I have a friend I know I can trust completely...and it's better than the "does she, doesn't she..."

 

Good luck. If it backfires, you've lost a friend but you will learn some really good lessons for life. You will be able to put it behind you, and get on with your life rather than being in a state of limbo x

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You are young, (wait isn't that a song) sorry light humor, and you should not put this kind of pressure on yourself, women go through sometimes exploratory faces, sometimes it turns out they decide they were gay all along, or by (feel free to add to this gay and by women)

If all you are trying to do is figuring out for your own peace of mind wether she likes you:

why don't you try in a light hearted kind of way say (when she sits on your lap,or leans or hold you - are you hitting on me? xxx not that I mind I am just wondering if this is something you may want to talk about.

Again your are young, so whatever she answers take it lightly and without any expectations, then take note of how you feel based on her response. It may give you some clue.

Remember that girls/women are very sensual and in some parts of the globe are extremely tactile people, in italy for instance women friend interlock fingers together and wold this way (wow another song) I'm all about songs tonight. sorry

I hope this helped - keep us posted on your progress, or if you need to chat with anyone remember if you are like me and prefer sometimes the one on one conversations you could always send a private message

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Its getting harder, finding the opportunity to tell her isnt so easy anymore. it feels like we're drifting apart. as everyday goes by i feel that our friendship/relationship.. whatever it was.. is fading away. i sit and i think constantly about us and all that we use to be. i am getting the impression that she doesnt care about our friendship/relationship anymore. because of this i find it hard to .. just talk to her now, to even call her. i hold my phone and i am actually thinking, staring at the screen whether to press the call button or not. It never use to be like this, i never needed to think about whether to call or not, and now i find myself unsure about a simple call.

 

i wonder to myself, am i the only one that is feeling all this doubt and insecurities? or is she feeling the same way? i wouldn't know..

am i putting myself in this position? am i creating all these problems that dont even exist? or do i just need to realise and admit the truth about the whole situation.

 

i use to think of her and smile, think of her and be happy, she made the happiest person. but now, everytime i think about her it just brings me down.. i find my thoughts saying that i hate the fact that she could just leave me after all this time.. its all out of anger and i know i dnt mean a word of it. All that i have now, are the memories of us. its funny how in a few months, things can just completely change and everything that once meant everything just disappears. im not this pesimistic type of person, but these thoughts jsut run through my head.

 

im trying so hard to be the bestfriend i am supposed to be. and it confuses the hell out of me when she drops little hints and comments about her thoughts and feelings, making it seem like she does feel something for me. when in the long run... shes with him

 

despite all this, my feelings for her havnt changed.

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I think that you need to come to reality with the situation. It doesn't look like anything is going to become of it so you might just want to leave it alone. You don't want to put yourself in a situation where you are running after something or somebody for that matter that isn't there. You could always talk to her about how you feel and see how she feels about it. But that's up to you. My advice would be to just drop it. Stop trying to pursue a relationship that will probably never happen.

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last night she called me, the conversation was bad and we hung up, but then i called her back and she was on the phone with somebody (probably her bf) but she hung up to talk to me.

 

the previous conversation was bad because she said that we were acting like everything is normal and ok when it isnt. and i was just like ok.. because i know im the one who is acting like everything is fine? what did she mean by "we"

 

she just dropped the subject and we just left it so i guess it kinda resolved.. not.. conversation got back to normal. she can tell when im sad, or upset or watever, n she knows that i try to hide it from her she told me this lastnight.. when im down she always says "stop it"

 

she knows that im unhappy and she says she knows why .... i was thinking does she really? she said shes 99% sure and that other one percent is just for me to confirm it. i think she thinks that im just unhappy because i feel that she ditched me for her bf.

 

i said to her

 

i miss talking to you, i miss seeing you and she said "stop it" in a kind of whinning voice.. she didnt joke back or anything, i dont know if she was joking or if she was being serious.. i guess i just thought in my head.. maybe she knows? and i said to her i'll stop then. she was like "i didnt mean it like that" and i just dropped the subject.. i dont know. she didnt reciprocate after i said that.. so i guess shes not like that anymore?

 

Later on in the conversation she said the previous night she was speeding home in her car because she wanted to call me and wanted to talk to me. but she didnt make it home in time to call.

I ended up telling her i hate it when i have to think, whether to call her or not, i hate that feeling. i told her i feel this way because i dont want to disturb her if shes on the phone or busy. she said shes only on the phone with other people because shes waits for me to call and i dont.

after she said "i wait for you to call me every night and when you dont, i think that you're angry at me and there is something wrong"

 

This is how she confuses me.

 

coffeeformylover is right, i need to come to reality with the situation. But when she says things like this, it makes me walk backwards instead of forwards.

So what the heck is with that?

why does she say these things to me?

I askd her if she was happy, she said she wasnt but wouldnt tell me why? shes with her bf, why isnt she happy then?

 

is she hinting something to me or is she just being my bestfriend?

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I was hoping that it wouldn't come to this but I think you will have to do it in order to see how she really feels. You are going to have to ask her flat out how she feels about you. Tell her how you feel about her. At this point things can't really get much worse so now is the time to do it. I think that you will have to know for sure how she feels about you in order for you to move on. So the next time that you talk to her come out and say it. Tell her why you have been acting funny lately. And once you know the answer then move on. Who knows...maybe she does like you. BUT if that IS the case then you have to tell her that you can't just keep waiting around for her to do something about it. Tell her that it is tearing you up. IF she says that she doesn't feel the same way about you then take it in stride and it will hurt but move on.

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  • 2 weeks later...

need to find the right time.

 

right now is not. something happened.. yet again

 

i was really upset yesterday, i needed her to be there for me, needed someone to talk to and i turned to her, my bestfriend. i called her, but she was on callwaiting because she was on the fone with him. so i hung up and waited for her to call me back, as she always would. she called back, BUT is was only for a spit second, for one quick ring, not even enough time for me to pick up the fone. i was really upset at that moment, and what she was doing just added to it. i called her back straight away and she was on the fone again, with him.

from this, i believed that she only called me back for the sake of giving me a ring bak, so i couldnt say u didnt call me bak OR she accidently calld me bak because she wudv got a miss call frm me, so my number wud hav been on the top of her list, so when she went to call her bf bak, calld me instead so she hung up quickly.

i got even more upset because i needed her to be there for me, shes my bestfriend she should have been there for me. so i cried for 2 hrs(because i was upset and because of her, i guess i was just vulnerable lastnight) and i calld her back. she heard me, hear my voice and askd me what was wrong i was so upset i said everything. i cried and said i needed you i really needed to talk to you and you wernt there. i askd her why she only calld me bak for that one split second, i didnt even hav time to pik up. her excuse was, the fone just cut out.. ? why does she have to lie like that for? so if the fone cut out she went to call her bf bak straight away? .. then she said i didnt know, sorry but i cant do nething about it now. she started getting all defensive and angry. and I WAS THE ONE THAT WAS UPSET. I said to her, i guess its good that i calld, now i can see what your priorities are and how much you care. now after i said this, she angrily said "ur basing that on one call?" and then she made it out like i was imagining all this stuff. i told her thats how i feel, and i dont just feel like that out of nowhere, im feeling like that because shes making me feel this way, making me feel like she doesnt care.

 

before this she said ...

 

she would always choose me over him. lie

that she waits for me to call every night and only talks to others because i dont call. lie

that she would always want to talk to me and if anyone its me who doesnt want to talk to her. lie

that she cant live without me. lie

i can go on ....

 

she says these things to me but i dont think she means it, as far as i know theyre all lies. she started getting angry and i apologised and explained myself to her, that i was upset and she wasnt there and i guess i just got angry coz everything was getting to me. she didnt say nething.. she said she doesnt have anything to say.

 

i was upset, she didnt even try to make me feel better, she just gave up on me. why? how could she be so cold to me after all that we've been through. i told her i cant believe i could let u affect me like this. she didnt say anything and in the end, i asked her why are you angry at me? what did i do? she answered, "because i am ok" i askd her again and she said

 

" because being angry is the only thing that is keeping me from crying "

 

it really hit me when she said that, i didnt understand it, didnt understand the meaning of that or why she even said it.. why would she cry? does she hav a reason to cry ? *if someone understands what she meant by that, tell me please*. did i do anythnig to upset her? i was just lost when she said this so i said

 

" atleast you can keep urself from crying, im not like you " then i just hung up.

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You shouldnt of hanged up on her, you should of asked her what she ment by that. But anyway to late now for that just ring her and talk to her and ask what she ment by it, we all here could say what she might of ment by it but really none of us here knows cuz we are not her, so just ask her

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  • 2 weeks later...

I think your friend may have a crush on you, I've been thorugh somethng similar.

But the thing is she may be waiting for you to make the moves, and won't make any of her own becauses shes scared, which is logical.

 

But the problem is, this tension between you two is tearing you both apart. I think you need to tell her how you feel, otherwise you'll never know what you actually meant to her. It'll drive you insane..I know lol. She may also be fustrated by you aswell, because you havn't told her , she says she thinks she knows why upset correct?

 

It seems like you guys had a really good friendship, and I don't think a guy should get in the way of that. Even if she doesn't reciprocate your feelings atleast you could try and savage your friendship.

 

Is it really worth keeping your friend in the dark and pretending like everythigns fine? You'll be lucky if you stay friends with all these agruments!

 

You should just lay it all out and tell her how you feel.

Either that or stay away until you're over her.

you could continue being the friend and getting hurt or distance yourself. But I really think this girl might feel something for you.

Those things you described were more then bestfriendy type things, expecially if she did the same actions with her "boyfriend".

 

feel free to PM anytime, I kinda went though the same thing.

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That is exactly the same thing people told her a long time ago. But she won't do it. At this point, it's quite clear she rather lose her than telling her how she feels.

 

Unfortunately, I'm sure she will regret it for life, or until she finally tells her friend about her feelings.

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i see them together, and i know, i can see that she loves him, shes inlove with him.. not with me. She'd rather call him than talk to me. Shes always with him.. she doesnt see me anymore, it doesnt even seem like im in the picture. i can see that shes happy, and i have a feeling that deep down inside, she knows.

 

the other night i was with her, i told her that im trying, im trying really hard and i started crying, telling her i miss her, that she means everything and that im still going to try and keep our friendship even if she doesnt care anymore because i once said that i will never leave her. I was the one who was tipsy.. but i still remember things, i guess the drinks just boosted my confidence in telling her. She hugged me, we were just close, really close, our heads were so close, i looked at her and we looked at eachother for .. a while.. we had a 'moment' our faces were inches apart, i just couldnt stand it, the more we looked at eachother the more it hurt me because i knew that shes with him.. so i turned away. i held her hand and she asked me what was wrong, and she held mine back, it wasnt just me holding her hand, she was holding mine too. She began to cry, she hid her face tho, and it was dark so i didnt really see but im sure that she was crying at one stage. Im sure she knows how i feel and .. she just didnt say much she just hugged me.. basically i was just telling her how i felt, without exactly saying that i have feelings for her, its obvious enough she knows... we wudnt be sitting there holding, hugging eachother like that if we were just being bestfirends. we were crying about 'us' ... after this she just went home.. her bf asked me "whats wrong with her?" i said i didnt know, told him to ask her. obviously she was upset thats why she left.. but i dont know why she was upset.. because i was telling her i missed her, and how much i care? ...

 

so thats what happened, and i asked her to call me yesterday.. i wanted to know if she was ok but she didnt, she was on the phone with him.

i dont know whats going on, i dont know what to do, so i guess i'll just have to see what happens ...

 

this is totally of the topic, but something strange happened

my close friend, he told me he had a dream. he said in that dream i was a lesbian. In his dream, I confessed that i was a lesbian and i was with someone but he didnt know who.

Nobody around me knows this about me, i have never told anyone in my friendship group or anyone at all, iv just been expressing it on this website. And so i just find it strange that he had this dream. i was so shocked when he told me.. i just laughed it off, but in my head i was thinking .. "what the heck?"

How weird? ... its so weird because its true, maybe that dream was just coincidental... nothing more to it... right? has anyone heard of this happening before? its so strange, i dont know what to think of it.

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Assuming other person knows what you feel for them is the worse mistake you can make.

 

 

Yes, for you everything you said makes sense, but that is from your point of view.

 

From their point of view, what you said can mean several different things and even then, none of those would have anything to do with your true feelings for her.

 

 

 

Old story. I met this girl, she was wonderful. We became very close and I would have given my life for her back then. But I never told her how I felt for her, I was as coward as you're currently being.

So, I lost her to another man. She got tired of the situation and started looking somewhere else...

 

She even married him. Doesnt' matter that they divorced three years later...

 

The point is, eventhough we were very close, we talked on the phone for hours everyday, I would hug her and she would sit on my legs, etc. I never told her about my feelings, and that was my mistake.

 

You're even closer to this girl than I was to that girl, but nothing will change if you don't tell her anything.

 

 

YFI. I met that girl 4 and a half years later. Guess what? She told me that back then she was in love with me, but she thought I was not interested as I never told her anything. Basically by not telling her anything I drove her to the other guy. Last time I saw her she wanted to be with me, after everything that happened (she had one kid, divorced, etc) even told me she would dump her current boyfriend for me...

 

Happily I've moved on, but I be damned if I dind't learn the lesson. That is something I'll NEVER forget.

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i am confused.

 

i spoke to her tonight. and i brought up what happened that other night when i was tipsy. She acted like she knew nothing, she kept answering "i dont know" to everything i asked, i was asking her to tell me what happned and asking about the things that i said.. (i was just testing to see what she would say) she acted like she knew nothing, she was like "i dont know what you're on about" when i know for a fact that she knew what happened. i remember, and she was acting like she wasnt even the one sitting with me. She kept trying to change the subject when i tried to talk about the other night.

 

it was so obvious that she did NOT want to talk about it, she pretended that she wasnt even with me, she acted clueless when i asked her things. so i kept asking and then i said i remember talking to you and ppl told me i was talking to you too, then i told her it was really important that i knew what i said. so she told me what i said, but... she didnt say that i said anything anything at all about her, she told me that she was not upset... when i know for a fact that she was.

 

She totally does not want to talk about it, and is acting like she doesnt give a care in the world... why? also told me that lastnight she went out with her bf.... first time ever that she has spoken about him to me.. so that is a big big change..

 

I tried to talk to her about it, she obviously didn't want to. i saw HER messenger pic before and it was of him and her. she didnt even bother to call me since that night.

 

i cant take it.. its killing me inside. im not blind, its so obvious from all these things that she doesnt feel the same way about me, she doesnt even care anymore, i mean if she did she would have called me after what happened. instead what have i seen and noticed? after that night she jus talkd to him more, went out with him more, has their pic. on her messenger and actually told me that they went out.

 

i can see that this is what she wants.. she is showing me that this is what she wants. so i feel like i have totally lost her... shes ignoring the whole incident about the other night. i tried bringing it up, she didnt want to.

 

it didnt even seem like she wanted to talk to me before, our conversation was so empty, i had to try really hard to talk about something and she just didnt put the effort into talking to me. then this guy called me, and she told me to talk to him, like it was a relief for her to not talk to me, she .. didnt want to talk to me.. and she didnt even care that i was going to talk to him, she wanted me to. first time ever this has happnd too, she was always so happy coz id rather choose to talk to her than anyone, now shes telling me to ......

 

it all hurts so much because she is showing me that she doesnt even care anymore.... so i guess what happened the other night was nothing..

 

what more can i do? should i just let it go.... how can i try anymore? i feel like i am losing her completely

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If you read my story, the girl was in love with me, but even then she married someone else. That was because she got tired of me not doing anything.

 

And even four and a half years later, she wanted to be with me.

 

 

Doesnt' that tell you anything? At this point I don't even think you're reading other people's posts.

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okay, honestly, if you feel liek you are gunna loose her anyway at this point, you might as well tell her...right? unless you can read minds, it would be hard to know exactly what her behavior is all about

 

so at this point, just tell her, don't apologize for liking her either, just tell her honestly how you feel, and assure her that above anything you appreciate the friendship and hope that you both can continue being friends.

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okay, honestly, if you feel liek you are gunna loose her anyway at this point, you might as well tell her...right? unless you can read minds, it would be hard to know exactly what her behavior is all about

 

so at this point, just tell her, don't apologize for liking her either, just tell her honestly how you feel, and assure her that above anything you appreciate the friendship and hope that you both can continue being friends.

Exactly. Quit stalling and just tell her already.

 

If you truly feel like you've already lost her, might as well let it out - because IF she does reject you, it wouldn't change [much] anyway, seeing as how you've lost touch with her at this point. The more you delay, the heavier the burden this is. You're far better off confessing than living the rest of your life in regret, wondering how things could've turned out had you taken action NOW (or even earlier).

 

I was in a very similar situation with a girl during my junior and senior year in high school, and took advantage of graduation night to give her a letter confessing my feelings; even though we've gradually drifted apart throughout the last few months of 12th grade. She messaged me saying that she'd still like to continue our friendship, but we haven't even spoken since (this was June of '06). Obviously she doesn't care, and I've moved on from there. The problem was HER, her insecurities and fears of the social stigmas, and inability to cope with the situation. I've gotten over it since then....and this was a girl I valued almost more than life itself and always put first on my list. I was extremely head-over-heels for her.

 

Simply put, if it doesn't work out between you two, you'll get over it over time and learn from it.

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