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inlove with my bestfriend (girl)


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okay i know you hear this alot but here it goes. Im 18 and inlove with my best friend (a girl), we've been friends for four years and the truth is i already started having feelings for her right from the beginning. we're really close, like talk everyday and call eachother everyday.

The truth is a lot of guys like me, but i never respond to them because i have feelings for her. Nobody knows this, none of my friends know and i think i plan to keep it this way. its because a lot of people know me and i think it i just cant face the truth. i know im not a lesbian because i like guys too, but i dont like girls, i just like my bestfriend, i cant really see myself being with other girls, so it is just her.

 

I always get mixed signals from her, i dont know if she feels the same way or not. sometimes she does things that make me think that she does like me, sometimes she doesnt so i have clue watsoever. but we are very close, a lot of ppl say that we act like we're together or something, but they are only joking. i just want to know if she has feelings for me too or not, because its driving me mad, everyday it just gets harder and harder.

 

we spend a lot of time together, alone most of the time, we go out with other friends too but not so often. i think she flirts with me too, i mean somtimes when we talk she says stuff like " oh i know you love me " and " i love you " and " i know u want me " and calls me her lover. most of the time i think she is joking but i dont know that either. we have a different friendship compared to other bestfriends, i mean bestfriends are meant to tell oneanother everything right. well she never talks to me about any guys, we seem to always only joke around by ourselves and live in our own world. she has told many people that i mean a lot to her etc. but i dont know if thats just on a friends level.

 

its driving me crazy, all i think about is her, everday day this has been going on forever, i feel like i should tell her but i dont want to ruin our friendship. i wana know if she feels the same way and instincts tell me that mayb a bit of her does, by the way she acts n all. but im just not sure..

she gets upset when i choose things over her eg. doing something else rather than calling her, talking to someone else on the phone, etc. she leans on me a lot, sits on my lap, puts her arms around me ... stuff like that. but then iv done things to see if she likes me or not, iv held her hand just in mine and she wud suddnly pull away, i would be leaning on her and she wouldnt mind but after a while she would just move, so i really dont know

 

what do you guys think, what should i do ?? advice will be much appreciated

 

thanks xox

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Well you have to accept you are a lesbian, and that you don't want to confess because you are afraid of all the critisism from outside. Its time you start being honest to yourself and to your environment, you really need to come out of the closet , because you are putting your whole life in denial, and that's not a good thing. I would take it slow and try to find out if she has simular feelings.

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I had a relationship with my best friend in high school that was very similar. We ended up hooking up, being sexual, etc., and because we weren't clear and open about it (we never talked about it), things got really weird and messed up. So my advice to you is to make sure you talk to her. If you're as close as you say you are, she'll be able to accept what you say even if she doesn't return the feelings.

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Well you have to accept you are a lesbian, and that you don't want to confess because you are afraid of all the critisism from outside.

 

Um, no, the OP is not a lesbian. She's clearly stated she has feelings for men. And her female best friend. Which makes her bisexual. Very different from lesbian.

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I think youre bisexual. Because, yes, you would not want to be with any other women but her, but thats because you like HER. I mean, who knows, years down the line you might meet another girl that makes you feel just as good about yourself and start developing feelings for her too. You cant play games and try to guess what shes feeling, because youre only gonna get more confused. One thing id like to warn you about tho, my best friend and I are really close too. We hold hands, sit on eachother, we even kiss on the mouth hello, but it is just that: a close friendship. Before saying anything to her, you should really try and figure out exactly how YOU feel and exactly what YOU want. Maybe try telling her you think you're bi, that you have feelings for this girl you know, and see how she takes it? If she DOES like you in that way, it would be a perfect opportunity for her to say so.

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thanks robowarrior, i am taking it slow, very slow, trying to figure everything out. i dont want to say it right out to her, i want to try and figure out if she likes me or not.

 

lipostudio, even tho we're bestfriends i dont think we're close as in telling eachtoher things, its weird because she doesnt ever tell me about her guy problems, its like she wants to hide it from me, when i ask her she just changes the subject. i tell her everything all of my guy problems, she always helps me and at the same time seems to hint to me that she doesnt want me to be with that particular guy or something. i think our relationship is kinda like a lovers relationship rather than bestfriends, a lot of people tell me that too. she was with a guy, and she broke up with him because she found out from one of my other friends that i was upset because she didnt spend as much time with me. i didnt know about this, so she decided it herself. she never told me this, but i found out from others that i was the reason why she broke up with him. so what does that mean.. why would she end a relationship for me.. i just dont get it

 

hey lil melly, well i dont think i can bring that up with her, because i never never talk to her about lesbian, gay and bi relationship. so thats really hard.

 

but thanks for the advice so far guys, you have helped me heaps.

wat do u think about the brake up with the bf though?

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hey

 

I'm not great at offering advice. But I can say that I too fancy my best friend. We started hugging a lot, I mentioned on this board and people said that sounded a bit odd for just a friendship. Not long after we'd started hugging eachother all the time (for hours on end, lying in our beds) we kissed. While we're still not going out or anything, she does reciprocate my feelings in some way and I'm just waiting for her to decide on what she wants to do with me and where we're going.

 

My point is that I was so convinced my friend didn't have feelings for me that I dismissed the whole hugging thing as just a friendly thing. So maybe the break up with the boyfriend is something a bit odd, and could be a sign she likes you.

 

I'm not saying she does like you but there's every possibility that she might. Is she an open person? I found out my friend isn't very open and she wasn't going to do anything about her feelings for me. I still dont know why or where I stand. But if she did have feeligns for you, is she the kind of person who would show it in any kind of way?

 

If you guys already act like you're in a relationship, then that sounds a bit unusual to me. But then I don't have much life experience!

 

Anyway, my point is you never know and I know how hard it is to talk to the person about it.

 

My friend found out cos I was sharing a bed with her one night and we somehow ended up kissing. You could try that lol but be warned, im in a place now where it could all blow up in my face.

I haven't got a clue what she thinks about our "relationship" and I'm beginning to think at some point it might get awkward. hmm

 

anyway, Ithink the bf thing could be a sign she likes you. But maybe you could bring up sexuality in a subtle way? Talk about graham norton lol or get drunk and play a truth or dare game

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No, i dont think she is an open person, she tends to keep a lot of things to herself, so maybe IF she had feelings for me she wouldnt tell me either and i dont think she would show it either, other than all the things she says eg. "i really miss you" and if i joke around and say something like " no as if i love you!" or "as if i miss you!" she would get upset with me.

 

i cant try the lying in bed and kissing, because her parents still wont let her sleepover, iv tried inviting her over many times though, but shes just not allowed. We were going to go away, with our group of friends to the hills and stuff to camp out, so i was looking forward to doing something there, but then it got cancelled so, thats all going downhill. I've kissed her, not on the lips, on the cheek i guess that is normal but we were at this party and sitting there had nothing much to do, so i just leant over, leant my face on hers for a while and gave her a slow gentle kiss on the cheek for no particular reason, she didnt say or do anything about it, she just sat there. We were watching a movie "superman returns" ok that was a bit irrelevant but anway, i told her that my hand was cold, and she gave me her hand to hold, so i was holding her hand in mine and rubbing it at the same time.

 

anyway imsoinlovewithher, your friends seems like she really likes you, i mean if she didnt she wouldnt me hugging you for hours and kisssing you in bed like that, maybe she is just afraid to come out to everybody about it. yeh i could try and bring up "sexuality" maybe the next time that we drink i can pretend that im drunk and tell her how i feel or ask her if she feels anything for me, something like that.

 

anyway it is extremelly hard to talk the person about it, so im trying to do stuff and see what she does in return? but i dont know wat to do so, anyone have any ideas ??? HELP ME!!!!

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i dont get to talk to her tonight, she is out with her friends. Everyday i cant wait to talk to her, or see her, eventhough we talk everyday and most of the time its about nothing but i still look forward to it. Hearing her voice, it just makes me happy. When i go out and just happen to see her, like unplanned, my heart just races. I really need to deal with these feelings, because they're driving insane.....

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I agree with those who said you should first KNOW what you want-- why are you pondering about all these and feel the pressure to label your friendship? Is it because you really want a relationship with her? Dont mind so much what others will think if you finally realize and admit to yourself you are bisexual and can work out a relationship with her because you two can keep it between yourselves if needed. Just focus on you two.

 

Because if it's just for the sake of clarity, are we friends or more, it's just an issue of confusion-- I don't think you should feel too pressured to have everything in black and white asap, enjoy and let it take its course.

 

But if you DO want a relationship with her, sort yourself out first, then talk to her. You can probably start by opening up about your self-realization, that you may be bi. You don't have to be confronting about your relationship with her--because it's either she'll back off or close off in overreaction. Test the waters. See first how she reacts to the issue of you being attracted to another female. Besides, regradless if she's into you, being your bestfriend, she will eventually have to deal with this side of you. Better to know now if she's the kind of friend who can accept that. Just don't overwhlem her with your feelings. Let her in on it a little at a time. Good luck

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what i want, is to be with her, i know that its wat i want because i am constantly thinking about it. I admit that i am bi, because i guess if i wasn't bi i wouldnt be having feelings for her. im scared that things might get awkward and weird if she doesnt like me in return, id rather just be her friend then, if it turns out that way. so thats y im trying to read her actions and stuff. I'll try ur adivice, let her in on a little at a time n see how it goes.

 

thankss i really appreciate it, if anyone has anymore advice, that would also be greatly appreciated

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i was with her today and was trying to bring up the subject of bisexual, gay etc. But couldnt find the right opportunity to. We were doing nothing and so she started to play with my hand, massaging my arms and shoulders, then was feeling my arm with her fingertips... wat does that even mean? Just playing around or could there b more to it than that

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I used to be really close to my bestfriend. We used to hug. Sleep in the same bed. Infact if she stayed over she wouldnt sleep in the spare bed, she would want to get in my bed. I never looked at my best friend and though "i fancy you," we kind of got drunk one night, ended up naked in bed and, well, one thing lead to another. I always say, your true feelings come out when your drunk! Anyway, when she used to text me she would always put "love ya" at the end of the message every time. Anyway, how come she isnt allowed to stay at yours? I think it would be good for you both to get a little tipsy and stay at either yours or hers house and see if one thing leads to another! I couldnt just come out and say to a friend, i have those sort of feeling for oyu. For one it wouldnt feel right, two i would rather for me, it just be a one off every now and then, and thirdly, if she didn't feel the same way i would have hated to ruin what we already had. Sorry to ramble. Hehe. Basically what im saying is, if you can, get a little tipsy, see if you can make it so one thing leads to another and see how she re-acts around you. If she takes it bad, you were píssed. How was you to know what you were doing? Good luck. x

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Im sure that i have feelings for her, and I have thought about kissing her and hugging her etc. but well you know...

 

Getting tipsy, that is a good idea. I remember she asked me not very long ago "What would you do if one of your girl friends kiss you when they're tipsy and you are too, would you kiss them back or not?" and i just answered i wouldn't know because i havn't been in that situation. lol but ofcourse in my head i was thinking otherwise. Maybe there was more to that question that just randomly asking me.

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i didnt read all the posts but im sure there is alot of people on here that have been put in ur position.me being one of them.i had feelings for my friend and i thought it was weird one day i siad i was gonna find out for sure if i really did like her and if she liked me.well i put it off for awhile and then she brought it up to me.idk ur friend so i cant tell u if u should tell her or not.but i can tell u that by saying little things to her and watching the way she is around u.u should be able to tell if she likes u.then u can go from there.but take it slow b/c if she likes u and hasnt realized her feelings yet it could be alot for her and she will pull away.but good luck and pm me if u have any other questions.

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WOW well to me the way she is touching you and all, it really sounds like she feels the same way as you, and just trying to give you hints. Touch her back and touch her face and all, see what she does, if she likes it look into her eyes and slowly move in to her

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well.. she was just touching my arm, moving her fingertips up and down my arm, gently though like she was feeling it... doesn't sound like much hey lol

 

Im going away for a little holiday soon (only a week or so), and she was saying things like "im going to miss you" and "dont go, i dont want u to go" hearing her say that made me smile

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well.. she was just touching my arm, moving her fingertips up and down my arm, gently though like she was feeling it... doesn't sound like much hey lol

 

Im going away for a little holiday soon (only a week or so), and she was saying things like "im going to miss you" and "dont go, i dont want u to go" hearing her say that made me smile

 

Next time she does it look into her eyes and see what she does then, it sounds like she is teasing you trying to get you going.

 

Yeah like the above post said, text her and flirt with her and all, see if she flirts back with you

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I don't think you are a lesbian. I don't even think you are bi. You have clearly stated that you only like her and that you are otherwise attracted to guys. For us girls, it is very easy to be attracted to our best friend. Girls get attached to others easier than guys do. When you and your best friend are really close it is easy to think that you like them. In fact, it's also easy to think that you love them. What you have to realize is that you don't love like that. Yeah, sure, you love them as a person. But you only think you love them like that because all of the qualities that makes them your best friend. You two are obviously very close. You two have shared several years of your life together. You can probably even finish each others' sentences. You're close, but not that close. You think you are in love with her because you like what you see in her. Believe me, I have thought the same thing. If you make a list of everything you want in a person that you date...I bet it describes your best friend. That is natural. It is natural to want to date somebody like your best friend because you two get along so easily. So no worries...you aren't attracted to her like that and you aren't gay. What you need to do is figure out if you are truly in love with her or if you just love her as a person.

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