GF talks and talks, but never about anything important

[herewegoagain]

Well, I've posted something similar last month, but I just don't know what to do anymore. My gf and I get along great, etc. But something just doesn't feel right about it to me.

 

My gf will talk and talk about everything except "us." For example she will talk and talk about people I don't even know, and about their problems such as her friend's sister's brothers who said this to so and so and...blah...blah...blah.

 

I don't care about these people she talks about because I don't even know them. I can't stand it anymore.

 

Should I tell her how I feel?

 

We've been dating for 5 months now, and the only time we have a conversation of substance is when I bring it up, and then she changes the subject ASAP.

 

 

She just doesn't seem to care to talk about things about "us."

 

I'm really sick and tired of bringing things up. And now, I've become passive aggressive with her - I don't want to tell her compliments anymore because I'm sick of being the first to say things, and I'm not going to bring "us" up anynore.

 

Am I being too critical?

 

I'm just not happy with the whole picture. But again, I love being with her, etc.

[Siriana]

Well probably you two are not compatible enough - some people just have differrent views what an interesting and meaningfull conversation is.

 

For example I hate talking about my relationship or how you call it "us" with my bf too much - only when we have a problem to solve. I like easy talk, laughing about stuff, talking about other people, we both like home decoration - and beautifull stuff...and so on.

Beeing pushed to constantly talk about serious topics makes me nervouse, because it reminds me how life is not so great sometimes and beeing constantly remined of such stuff is making me miserable.

Of corse, don't get me wrong - I am not saying my way is the only way, and that it suits everyone.

I had a bf who was annoyed by that (obviously we broke up). He tought that I never think about important stuff in life - he even told me that. But the fact is I was thinking but my way of expressing was different than his (on the other hand I was thinking he was depressive and very much overly concerned).

My current bf thinks the opposite, because he's more like me.

 

Maybe it's just the difference in your caracters, maybe you're more mature than she is.... it can be whole ton of reasons but based on the info you gave that's all i can say.

 

If you're feeling resentment about it than it's really necessary to talk with her ASAP in a nice kind of way, of course. There is no use of not speaking your worries to her. Tell her how you feel when she changes the subject. MAybe she's even just affraid to talk about serious stuff. See how she reacts when you say to her honestly how much this is trubling you. But you have to talk in a positive way - not saying to her how she's gulity for that.

[herewegoagain]

Syrix - thanks for your reply. Well, what you said made me realize that I don't want to bring it up because I don't want her to think I'm putting her down or always being depressive, needy, etc. I don't want to be like your ex bf.

 

I guess it gets me that she will talk about her friends' relationships, etc. but not ours.

 

Well, maybe I just analyze too much.

 

And thanks for your point of view. It makes me realize that people just show their love in different ways.

 

I guess other gf I've had were more open and said more. I just have to accept my current GF the way she is.

[dnozzle]

Sounds like she isn't ready for the "us" talks yet. Just back off of that and let her bring it up when she is ready.

 

I pushed my girl to talk about us and she said she neeeded to take a break. So be careful what you wish for.

[herewegoagain]

dnozzle - good point - I will just let it go and have fun with her. Maybe she will bring "us" up on her own time.

[Momene]

My wife and I don't like the "us" talks unless we're both in the right mood.

[herewegoagain]

Well - just for clarification - I don't bring "us" up hardly ever. Only a few times in five months. Just about different things - nothing too heavy. For example, I've never brought up marriage or anything like that.

 

And I still haven't told her I love her or anything that serious.

 

I guess what REALLY bothers me is that she talks about people I don't even know - I try to act interested, but it's hard sometimes.

[Batya33]

Well - just for clarification - I don't bring "us" up hardly ever. Only a few times in five months. Just about different things - nothing too heavy. For example, I've never brought up marriage or anything like that.

 

And I still haven't told her I love her or anything that serious.

 

I guess what REALLY bothers me is that she talks about people I don't even know - I try to act interested, but it's hard sometimes.

 

Hmmm. I always know when my boyfriend isn't interested in what I'm saying and when I pick up on that, I ask him and often I stop. I am a good storyteller in general - so even when it is about other people I know how to make it interesting and how to tailor it to the listener as far as how many details, etc.

 

Also, I try not to talk just to talk or assume that my bf wants to hear every little detail of my day.

 

I do not like getting caught up in "us" talk - that starts to be like psychobabble to me - I'd rather talk about what we find interesting, and do things together. Or not talk at all and just have comfortable silences.

 

It's nice to be complimented but I don't need him to give me compliments- his way of listening to me and responding is plenty complimentary.

[Just A Teen]

I understand where your coming from. I wasn't into talking about ''us'' till further in the relationship but, I would constantly find myself behind hours of talk about how some random person (not knowing) said something useless to billy joe bob which angered her second brother's sister in law's room mate which related to the 12th century poem of Alfazark blah blah blah...Yea its nerve racking and you can't help but want to strangle your lungs. The only thing I can say is learn to cope with it or find something that you are both into and talk about that. There has to be some kind of common ground in every relationship. If you don't let someone know one way or another that you don't like something then they will continuely do it because they feel its alright. Good luck man

[annie24]

maybe you two just aren't compatible? I think a lot of people don't like "us" conversations unless there is a problem to fix. Do you guys talk about current events, issues, philosophy, ideas? If all she does is gossip, I can see why you would be tired of her conversations...

[Siriana]

Oh, I don't know how old are you and your gf - but there is one annoying caracteristic we females have: we like to talk A LOT about stuff men find boring:

1. our friends and their relationships

2. your friends and their relationships

3. who said what and when and why

4. clothes, make up, shopping, sales (we usually concentrate ourself not to talk with our bf about it - but we can't resist telling about a new garment we bought)

5. our work - who annoys us, who annoyed us that particular day, what happened in the office today, how our boss is horrible

.....

 

 

of course it is not the only thing we talk about, but it's the most annoying part of our talks. If a girl talks about other subjects and she sometimes talks about these boring stuff - it's the way things work.

[Momene]

Stuff women find boring:

 

sport

cars

beer

fishing

gadgets

[herewegoagain]

Syrix - your list is exactly what she talks about. BTw, we are both in our mid 30's.

[annie24]

Syrix - your list is exactly what she talks about. BTw, we are both in our mid 30's.

 

YIKES!!!! all gossip, no substance? maybe understandable if she is 17, 18, etc....

 

what happens when you try to change the subject to deeper topics?

[Siriana]

Well maybe you need some quiet time after coming home, opposite to her - she want's to talk about stuff immediately.

 

Try asking her to give you some private time till you relax. Probably you will have more energy to talk later. And explain her that.

 

And there is a possibilty after she is done with boring stuff that she will come to the important stuff... We don't usually directly come there - we first talk too much boring stuff and after some time you stop hearing us and you miss the part where we speak important stuff LOL

 

If there is missing a compatibilty between the two of you you can't do nothing. If this is just male-female diferences you have to deal with it.

 

To check that up I suggest reading some chick literature you might find boring at first. So try reading the book: "Women are from venus and man from mars". If you think it was worth your money after reading it give her a copy. You can say you looked Oprah and that she suggested that in her book club (o.k. this last sentence was more for fun and in purpose of irony....lol)

 

Oh, and as annie said if this is the only thing she talks about, it's annoying! But if this is just a part of the things she talks about but to you it seems like the only thing because it's boring.....welcome to our world.

 

And to make you feel better I usally hate deep topics. I hate talking about politcs, problems of the third world countires, AIDS and hunger in Africa.... I hate talking about the things I can't change on a macro level. It's the way i am. But there are females and men who find that topic interesting...so it's about sharing interests

 

 

Reed the book - after that you will know is this just sex difference or not beeing compatible enough!

[herewegoagain]

Annie - I can see that you understand my concerns. I really never tried to change the subject to something serious because I don't feel she wants to talk about anything serious.

 

But you are right - she talks about nothing of substance between us. BUT, she does talk about important issues with OTHER peoples relationships. Like problems they are having with boyfriends, etc.

[annie24]

hm.. well, why don't you try and talk about something more serious with her? maybe she is only talking about her sister's boyfriend's cousin because she thinks you like hearing about it? Afterall, you haven't really stopped her!

[Day_Walker]

Well before you do something drastic I would tell her that you dont care to hear about those topics because you dont know those people and it makes no sense to know about their problems or just tell her that you dont care.

[herewegoagain]

Syrix - this is pretty much all she talks about. she talks about people at work or even unecessary details about her friend's jobs and lives. UGH!!

 

Usually, she is pretty silent if not talking about that stuff. For example, last night on the phone, she was pretty quiet, and all of a sudden, started talking about her friend's job and another friends's grandma, etc. And she went on and on.....

[RayKay]

Sounds like my step grandmother. Seriously, she is a gossiper and will do the same thing; all about people we don't even know.

 

Of course, she is grandma so you only have to listen for so long and don't have to have a romantic relationship with!

 

Maybe she feels you are interested in this stuff, or she feels her own life is kinda "empty" or uninteresting so she talks about others.

 

Not sure you can change it if you have tried, it may just be whom she is. So up to you to decide whether this is a compatibility issue. I know with grandma I can only take small doses at a time, is this something you want to listen to for 50 years?

 

And to Momene: I highly disagree! I love sports, beer, gadgets I cannot afford and definitely will watch football, Pinks (lose the race lose your ride!), UFC or whatever over "The OC" or something like that anyday...lol. I get bored to death with gossip or talking about clothes...or whatever...lol Of course I also hate shopping, so I suspect I may be missing a gene or something I was supposed to inherit.

[langford]

She may just lack the ability to express herself properly,it's not indicative of a lack of depth.

 

I know for myself I am a rather deep thinker but in general day to day conversation I can't articulate any of it and so talk about alot of crap.

 

She may also just feel that what she has to say isn't relevant enough or clever enough or especially important.I know I feel that alot,you may want to reassure her that you value her opinions.

[finewhine]

Why would you stay with someone with whom you can't have a decent conversation? I don't get it.

[freedom]

everyone has a different way of communicating. What you find interesting is not interesting to her.

If ou have no tollerene to er onversations and she diesnt have tollerence to your conversation it basically say that you aren;t competible.

[Emotional]

thats how long me and my boyfriend were together for, we just ended it!

 

I advice to bring it up in person, dont text her about, Its bad luck and interpretting it is horrible!!

 

So let her know straight up...ask her how she feels...

 

During my ex and i's break up, i asked him if he ever felt lucky to be with me, he replied no...SO thats what it was like with us...He never really mentioned our relationship neither did I...So thats how it ended...

Hopefully you two dont get into this weird position, its not comfortable at all...

 

Poor your heart out!!!

 

I still regret not opening up to that man...