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i dont know what to do


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i dont even know where to start... im not very good at sharing things with others... which is possibly why when i met him online i was so jazzed. we've been chatting for about 5 years and we were always rather close. for two years now our relationship evolved into something else... we've met in real life and it felt amazingly right, so right in fact that we've decided we wanted to move in together but for a number of reason unfortunately independent of our will we have to wait.

im a little afraid... chatting isnt enough and this isnt getting any easier, we cant go on overtalking every single thing, we need to live together to experience things together otherwise ... and whats worse is we keep pretending we're just fine so as not to make each other uncomfortable and we try not to be silent because thats rather awkward when chatting and it all feels so wrong... i really dont know what to do.

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Hey angel,

 

Welcome to enotalone! I think that when feelings are so right, the waiting will be worth it. If you feel both of you are pretending it is ok to wait, I think it's good to be honest to him about how you feel. Tell him you feel disappointed about things (not in him but for the reasons why you can't live together now). Try to meet him as often as possible, how far do you live from each other?

 

There is nothing wrong in being silent with each other, but if it's uncomfortable it usually means that things aren't said that need to be said. So open up to him. You may find that he just feels the same; sad about the circumstances. I hope the two of you will find the strength back to carry this LDR on, until you CAN move closer/together.

 

Ilse

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Hey,

You mentioned chatting online, and meeting....and moving in together...but are you guys actually dating? Do you feel like you have been chatting about the important things for so long on the computer, that its almost as if its the only medium that you both feel comfortable opening up in? If you are not seeing eachother much, then moving in together is probably a pretty big step...you should both feel comfortable about the situation, and feel like its the progressive next step, and not the next step just to try to be closer or spend more time together...believe me, if you can't make the time to see eachother now, it won't happen when you live together either. . . .I tried to do the same thing with my ex. Moving in does not make things better. Things should be good already, you know? Tell me more details, maybe we can help more.

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John Lennon said "life is what happens when we are busy making plans." I cringe a bit whenever i see the word "years" in unresolved romantic situations.

 

You said "we've met in real life and it felt amazingly right, so right in fact that we've decided we wanted to move in together but for a number of reason unfortunately independent of our will we have to wait."

 

We are talking 5 years, 2 seriously ... emotional and in person physical attraction is just fine so I am assuming love here.

 

I just am just wondering what could possibly be "independent of your will"??? Passports revoked??? On the "no fly" list???? Afraid to make the leap??? Need a Berlitz language course???

 

Angel, you need to sit down and decide if you need to be with him (make it happen) or move on (let it go).

 

Good luck,

Zack.

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thanks for the input, zack & blender.

i see people in a way questioning my relationship and ive to say it somehow amuses me. i think ill never be able to explain this properly, we're the only ones who can understand what the deal is. he isnt married and ive spoken to his family, yes. as for why we've to wait id rather not get into that its so absurd and stupid. im a sceptic person myself but this is my certainty: i know it will happen. i wrote here just because ... actually i dont know why... he gives me all the reassurence i need and we talk about this whenever i want. i just wanted to see what other people in this situation do, how they cope.

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thanks for the input, zack & blender.

i see people in a way questioning my relationship and ive to say it somehow amuses me. i think ill never be able to explain this properly, we're the only ones who can understand what the deal is. he isnt married and ive spoken to his family, yes. as for why we've to wait id rather not get into that its so absurd and stupid. im a sceptic person myself but this is my certainty: i know it will happen. i wrote here just because ... actually i dont know why... he gives me all the reassurence i need and we talk about this whenever i want. i just wanted to see what other people in this situation do, how they cope.

 

I would treat this as if the only time you've spent with him is the time in person. Before moving in together I would date him consistently over time for at least 6 to 9 months - meaning - if you move, get your own apartment and job and date him. Sounds from what you say that he is not married but in a relationship - if that is the case I would stay far far away.

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