i feel as if i have cheated on her...i couldnt feel worse...

[shep88ner]

me and my girlfriend have been together for 11 months. our 1 year anniversary is on January 6th, 2007. i love her to death and i never want to lose her. we've talked about our future and how our wedding is going to be. she really means a lot to me...

 

here's some brief backgroud on me and her

 

ME- Before we met, i was into a LOT of heavy drinking and i used to smoke marijuana about once every 3 weekends or so. so we finally met and she made me promise to cut down on the drinking, and completely stop smoking any kind of substance. i was cool with this, because i really wanted to quit smoking before hand, but never really had a reason not to. and drinking...well, i could still drink just not as much, and that was a small sacrafice i could make for her.

 

HER- Before we met, my girlfriend was what she called her, "boy crazy" times. basically she was looking for love in any guy and gave herself up very easily. she was very flirtatious and LOVED to show off her body. (she once wore a mini skirt and tank top to the mall 2 days before christmas in OHIO). so when we met, it was my rule that she'd have to stop revieling herself like she had been and to stop being so "friendly" to guys. and for the most part, she dresses very conservitive now and really watches what she says to other guys.

 

 

so like i said, we've been together for 11 months, and ive kept true to every promise. but then i was over at a friends house 2 nights ago and he had a joint on him. this was no big deal because i had even handled the bags of marijuana before all of this during my 11 months, but never once was tempted to smoke any of it. but it had been a very long day and i was just really stressed out over some stuff and we were walking to a friends house and he was smoking the joint. so then like he usually does, he offered me some, i said no i quit, and he offered again, asking if i was sure.

 

i dont know what came over me but i took it from him, looked at it and took 1 hit off of it. i then blew out the smoke and handed it back to him. i instantly slumped my head towards the groud in resentment. i got a small buzz off of the marijuana and i couldnt have felt any worse about it. i sat at my friends house and didnt say one word, i just sat on the couch and had my face in my hands, regretting what i had done.

 

 

i feel as if i have cheated on my girlfriend. she trusted me with her whole heart and i went behind her back and took advantage of her trust and smoked anyway. i just think back to her promises, she promised me she wouldnt flirt or show off her body as i promised never to smoke again. this is just like her going and wearing a bra and thong and hitting on 10 guys behind my back.

 

i feel so so terrible about this, but i dont know what to do. should i tell her? im so scared because christmas is coming up then our 1 year. i dont want her to leave me. she has always told me, "i would never date someone who used or sold drugs." and playfuly id ask, "what if i said i smoked some week last night?" and she always says something like, "then we'd be done". i feel awful but i dont know what to do, i wouldnt want her to keep anything from me, so i feel it's not fair that im keeping this from her.

 

 

so what should i do? should i tell her now? should i wait and tell her in a few months? or should i just not mention it and swear on my life to never touch the stuff again? im so confused and so sad about it. i just wish i would take it back.

 

any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. thank you...

[caro33]

I'm not sure what to advise you. Personally, if I was you I would solemnly swear to myself that it should never happen again, under any circumstance, then let it drop. Dude, we all make mistakes. In the scheme of things, this doesn't seem like a big deal.

 

If there is any possibility whatsoever that she could find out from the friend of yours who was there, tell her. Do not make this a big deal because you will make it sound bigger than it was and maybe even worry her. But be honest that you regretted it and thought the whole thing was wrong.

 

If you know that if you don't say anything she won't ever find out, let it go. This really doesn't sound like that big a deal. If you were out trying to score and bagged yourself an ounce or something, that's a problem. If you stayed all night smoking and secretly hankered for more, that's a problem. If it was as you say it was - one guilty inhalation that you regretted instantly, then let it go.

[Fisch]

Well if you are going to tell her, the best thing you can do is align yourself with her point of view as best as you can. That is: think about the reasons why she doesnt want you to smoke. She seems to have a bad impression of people that do drugs, so share that view as part of the reason why you regretted it and maybe she wont come down as hard on you. Telling her would be a good idea if you think there is risk she would find out anyway.. obivously.

[Dako]

One hit may have just reinforced your resolve.

 

I had a few hits when my wife left, after decades of abstinance, and it did nothing for me. It actually made me less interested in the pernicious weed.

 

Don't throw away all you've done ove one dumb little hit.

Use it as a reminder not to give in, and keep quiet about it.

[Agathon]

Simply put, you should tell her, but be careful how.

 

My girlfriend tried marijuana ONCE and Im still getting over it, however, she risked telling me and we're better for it.

 

That's all there is. If you love her, you'll be honest with her.

[mikeca]

tell her, in the grand scheme of things one hit of marijuana shouldnt affect your relationship, its when it becomes..two..then three...

 

I've tried it a couple times back in grade 10, that was it, now im trying to become a police officer, but I know people who have done meth who got in. :S

[bitbit]

this is just like her going and wearing a bra and thong and hitting on 10 guys behind my back.

 

 

ok wow... totally not the same. my b/f made the same exact promise to me and it's something i feel really strongly about, but if he slipped and instantly felt horrible about it i wouldn't be mad at him. especially if he was honest and came to me instead of hiding it and i could tell he was being sincere in his regret. we all make mistakes sometimes... it's not that far overboard. i understand this is an important promise you've made to her, but it's probably equivalent to her wearing a mini skirt to the movies once. i'm sure she has the same urges to show off her body every once in a while.. it's natural. it's behavior she was getting gratification for just like you were getting gratification from smoking. you slipped up and now you know what it feels like to break your word to her and i'm sure it won't happen again.

[eleanorrigby1]

dont blow this out of all proportion darling. Most of my friends smoke it on the odd occasion, one is a lawyer and the other is a nurse and she finds it de-stresses her. I dont approve, I tried it a few times as a teenager and I have no shame in it, its hardly Heroin! some people are far too over the top about a bit of weed! come on!

 

yes you did something behind her back and that is what the issue here is, that you feel like you betrayed her trust. You did to some respect but the person you let down the most is yourself and this inner turmoil you have created is punishment enough.

 

I remember telling my boyfriend I was going to give up smoking for New Year last year and at midnight he said to me "right okay no more cigs!" and I thought "p*ss off! I want to at least finish this pack! starting from New Years Day morning!!" he said "no! starting from midnight you promised!!"

so for the rest of the evening I snuck to the toilet for a crafty fag! i felt really guilty the next day but only breifly, i found it amusing that at my age I had resorted to behaving like a child.

 

At the end of the day we only have to answer to ourselves and we take our own responsibility for our own actions. YOu havent gone out and slept with someone, you slipped up.

 

Forgive yourself, dont do it again, but remember this is YOUR CHOICE and you are doing it for you, for your own health. Your girlfriend's support (not condemnent) is what should be your drive.

[Momene]

Keep quiet and DON'T do it again!!!