how long does it take for your SO to sink in?

[Snowpeople]

Hey everyone! I know this is a weird question and it may not make sense, but how long does it take for your significant other to become part of your subconscious? I've been with my boyfriend for almost nine months (he's my first real boyfriend and I'm 21), and as much as I love and adore him, and even though we spend a lot of time together, it doesn't seem to have sunk into my subconscious that he is my boyfriend and I am his girlfriend. I still think of myself as my own separate person (which of course I am). Whereas my family and some friends who I've known for a long time are very entwined in my subconscious. When I think of my mom, I picture my mother. When I think of my dad, I picture my father. When I think of siblings, I picture my brother Brian. But it's like my boyfriend hasn't sunk in that deep yet. I'm sure it will eventually, but I'm just curious about how long it took other people to have their boyfriend or girlfriend a portion of how they regard themselves like that? Does that make sense? I think it's similar to this: I've read that new parents don't usually have dreams with their new baby in it (maybe with A baby, but not their specific child) for several months until the baby's presense has sunk into the parents' subconscious (don't know how true this is). And when someone's learning a new language and is completely submerged in it, they usually don't dream in that language for several months. Dreaming in the language is considered to be a turning point in learning it (having been a foreign exchange student in high school, I can vouch for this one). So, how about you? How long did it take for your BF/GF to become an integral part of yourself?

[arwen]

I think this is a very interesting question. I think that family and language cannot be really compared, and family and partners have different paces as well. Language learning is a cognitive process, which doesn't hold for the partner. Family members that YOU mention for yourself have been there ALL or MOST of your life, compared to your bf that is a much longer time. In addition, the role of family in your life is very different from the role of a partner. Since this is your first bf, you are not only adjusting to him, but also to that type of commitment. It took a LONG time after my first break up to NOT see my ex as my bf. So sinking in is definitely what happens somehow. It has to do with memories, with things you associate with an intimate relationship only.

 

My current man did sunk in, lol, quite recently. But I struggled a bit there too, like you I thought of this. Now that we are discussing living together, and our futures together, I think the process really sped up

 

Again, interesting topic!

 

Ilse

[pinkelephant]

yea i know how that's like. i still can't look at him and think, hey he's MY boyfriend. he sometimes talk about our futures, and call his things OUR things... ive never done that. i dont even dream about him.

 

maybe one day. lol.

[redrose85]

I'm the same way. I'm not sure how long it takes. I've never had dreams about him, but he has had dreams about me, and calls his stuff our stuff, while I still think of my place and my possessions as mine. But, his place is feeling like a second home these days, so that's a start. We've been together for 9 months now, so maybe it'll be after a year? Though, my best friend isn't in my subconscious, and we've been friends for a couple of years. The only people are my mom and siblings, really. Maybe it's a really long term thing with me. How long have you and your SO been together?