For some reason I'm holding back

[yeawutever]

Basically I been with b/f for 4 months and there's trust, communication, and off course love. We have done almost everything, except anal and penetration (in fact he didn't even get in one bit, not even the head). Well I do get tempted but then I refrain from it and we don't get to do it.

 

I'm having kinda a hard time as to what would be the real reason I'm holding back from doing intercourse if there's temptation. So I'm gonna list some possible explanation. It it be that:

 

1) I'm kinda nervous about it

 

2) During fingering only fits one finger and whenever me or him puts a second finger, it won't beyond 1 inch without hurting (I have no problem with the length, even if it was the longest finger it'll go in without any problem, but I do have problem with the width)

 

3) Maybe I'm still not ready (maybe 4 months is too early for intercourse)

 

4) Want it to be a very special moment

 

5) Scared of pregnancy (even condoms can't guaranteed 100% effective, there's always a possible they can break)

 

6) I'm finally letting my guard down and knowing what it's like loving, hoping I don't get hurt/used since this my first actual serious relation

 

Are these fears a normal reaction for "soon to become first timers".

[amtjrtcet]

Its ok if you're not ready hun. Don't feel pressured or like its something you should do b/c it feels like the NEXT STEP.

 

Its wonderful that you are in love, but that doesn't mean that you HAVE to have sex.

 

Its also good that you're afraid of pregnancy-and don't forget STDs. That means you're aware of some of the consequences of sex, and you're not irresponsible.

 

Only do it when you're TOTALLY ready. I wish I would have waited.

[chai714]

Ailec,

 

First off, get birth control if you think you're even close to having sex. Peace of mind is priceless - take it from me - birth control, along with him using a condom will give you much more peace of mind.

[Beec]

It can be any of those things you mention or a combination. Don't rush it. Since you seem to be doing a lot of things, so long as he is "getting" off, there should not be much in the way of other issues. At this stage, sex is about pleasure, so if he is being pleasured, what has he to complain about?

 

Also, by waiting you are still giving him something to work for and chase. That's not a bad thing.

 

But do use multiple methods of contraception, even if you do not want to use the pill. Use a condom and something else, and then even think about studying the forms taught as "natural methods." If one form of birth control is 90 percent effective, and another is 92 percent effective, you are not going to average the effectiveness when used together. Instead you will get closer to 100 percent effective.

[robowarrior]

You are too tense, you first need to relax and get comfortable with him and his body. You need to 'allow' him to love you ,instead of layering it with all kinds of conditions. Sex isn't supposed to be torture(unless asked for but that goes to far for this thread) its supposed to be something you and him enjoy. Love eachother and make eachother happy.

[sydneybean84]

Ok so, you are definitely what I would call "of age" to embark on your

own sexual journey. Trust me when I tell you can most definitely take more than one finger...You are a woman, and as such have been blessed with a VERY malleable vagina (how do you think you will ever have children, or use a super tampon)....I think the biggest issue is your own trepidation, when you are nervous the walls of the vagina constrict, making any type of insertion pretty uncomfortable. When you do decide to have sex, RELAX, and if all else fails, thats why a genius invented lube...Be wise though hunny! Take care of yourself!

[yeawutever]

Thanx for all the responses, yea I'm gonna stil wait a while, not really ready yet. Sydneybean84 as for children, I really have no desire for kids, I told him that from the start when we were first dating and he's ok with it. Nope, he's not pressuring me, heck if he was he would be out the door in seconds, he say to let him know when I'm really ready so I will when I am.