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Hi there.


I posted a few weeks ago regarding some problems I was having with my boyfriend, but since then everything has begun to spiral.. And yes I know this is in the Gay, Lesbian... forum


Basically, up until about 5 months ago I was sure I was gay. I am now back in that state of mind, it took a relationship with a guy to realize that.


Okay, a day before I broke up with my boyfriend, my ex-girlfriend came over. She too has a boyfriend (which shocked all our friends because we were known as the feminist couple of the year heh). Before this, we'd dated for about 3 years. Anyway, we went to the movies, where things got a little.. more than friendly. I didn't start anything, because (at the time) we were both in relationships. I was too "shocked" i guess.


That night, my boyfriend went to sleep early, and her and I started talking. She was saying things like "I think we both needed to be with guys to realise that we were meant for each other" and things along those lines. To me, the feeling was mutual. So we then "expressed our feelings" if you know what I mean


The next day i spoke to my boyfriend about it, and we mutually broke up. He was upset, obviously, but he understood that my sexuality was the issue, not him.


I assumed that she too would talk to her boyfriend, but I was wrong. Instead she started messaging my phone saying things like "I feel so bad" etc. We spoke again the next day, like we used to, and it seemed things were ok. I didn't push her with the issue about her boyfriend, because i believe it was her thing she needed to deal with, I was happy to give her space.


The next day, we went to a concert together (we'd been planning for months) and we went back to her house with her sister. Once again, she made advances on me. This time i said "No". I was trying to do the moralistic thing here, because I felt bad for her partner. Saying that though, after about 10 "No's" it's very hard to ward off a hot girl! So you can all guess what happened next..


We started talking afterwards, and she started saying things like "I just want to be friends with everyone... you... my boyfriend.. i don't need a partner" and I'm like.. um ok. Then she went back to the "we could be together one day" thing, and left it at that.


I told her "I don't think I can spend time with you, because I feel strongly for you and it hurts me etc" but then she did the "Fine then. Don't see me" thing, which just infuriated me.


Now I know the first conclusions everyone will come up with is "Well she clearly just wanted sex" - but the thing is, this girl is the most insecure (physically and emotionally) girl that I know. Even when we were together she would be timid at times, whereas the past few encounters she was very "full on".


She told me that she too realises she is gay, but doesn't want to hurt her boyfriends feelings. But when i spoke to her sister (who doesn't seem to be messed up) she said my ex said "Being with her made me feel so guilty, which made me realise how strongly i feel for my boyfriend".


So obviously I am the fool in this situation, however she has a few of my things (that I would like back ) but i don't know if I can just "be friends" with her either. I would like to talk to her boyfriend, I mean he has a right to know. It's his first relationship so he's vunerable, and giving it his all, which is why I feel bad for him.


So.... any advice on how to approach this situation would be appreciated!!



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Tell her she's already betraying and hurting her bf's feelings, if she does stuff around his back with you. Its cheating and nothing less. (less as in reduced and not as in lesbian) doesn't matter if its with a woman or man, its cheating , and you are right for considering his feelings, i mean its really sad for him. So ask her to break it up with him, if she refuses to do this , then break up with her. Its hard to do the moralistic right thing, but its better to do that then end up in bad terms and thinking and knowing you did the wrong thing.

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I say, get your stuff back without drama then stay away from both of them- don't even contact the guy to "let him know what's happened". It's not your place. This girl is playing you. If she wants something serious with you, she'll get her affairs in order first and she knows it (well, you've to tell her if she's dense or acting dense just to make clear where you both stand). You may really love her, but if she's playing you, you're better off without her.

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