almost married to single..

[Beec]

When considering any action always ask "would I want this action applied to me?" Would you want your ex, if positions were switched, to "seduce" you?

 

The definition of seduction is:

• 
  
• enticing someone astray from right behavior
  
• an act of winning the love or sexual favor of someone

Love is never won, at least I dont believe it is. You deserve better than to feel you must "win" his love back.

 

 

Orlander

 

I think this definition of seduction is rather narrow. I would consider a seduction to be that act of getting another person to want something, which the person attempting the seduction wants them to want.

 

In many cases, acting like you are moving on, even trying to move on, can be part of a seduction.

[JOYl]

>>

 

ohh noo i certainly am not winning anyones love back!! he would have to win mine...

 

i agree with beec and i really think acting like u are moving on could make someone wonder why you seem so fine without them..

 

are there any postive stories like this on the board as i would sure love to hear them!!?? or do i have to try out the strategy myself?

[terk2021]

There are so many of us out here that would probably do just about anything to have our exes back. It's strange when the heart takes over the mind. NC, acting like we are not moving on, not answering their calls or texts or emails to show that we move on...

 

These are not bad strategies. It's almost bad in my opinion to call them strategies at all. When you love someone, you want that person to know it. The question is, how often can you tell them that without it completely turning them away.

 

I have never been one to shy away from my feelings. Sure, I have been there for her just about every time she has called. As of late, she really has not called for anything. She has a lot going on in her world right now. I don't go to counseling or anything, but I do meet up with some of the counselors at the church I go to (only go a few times a month).

 

It's tough to come to the realization that we can only control how we feel. As each day goes by, I need to stop questioning whether or not she will come back, and simply move forward in life. After all, no matter what I do for me personally, that is not going to be what makes her want to come back.

 

I wish you the best Joy.

[caveat]

are there any postive stories like this on the board as i would sure love to hear them!!?? or do i have to try out the strategy myself?

 

the 'strategy' worked in my case, though it really wasn't a strategy at all...it was just me getting on with my life...and her refusing to let me go.

 

she went from wanting to be alone to find herself to wanting to be back with me, stronger than ever. but it took years literally....

 

but she is back. and its better than its ever been. and i am better than i have ever been. that break up was the best damn thing that ever happened to me.

 

Caveat

[JOYl]

wow Caveat, good for you. im happy to hear a positive story for a change...

i believe these are SLOW processes, im certainly not expecting him to come back in a few months...but i do this it is good to keep some kind of limited contact and keep a busy happy life...these are the kind of strategies i mean, not the hard to get not answering the phone ones...

[JOYl]

hi Caveat,

thanks so much for you reply, ive just read every page of ur 22 page story......i can so relate with it all...i feel like i am you and ur girl is my guy.... the independence, the confusion... the finding your identity again...everything.

 

amazing..

 

maybe it was sent to me for a reason...

 

i wish you all the best of happiness.

[JOYl]

well after 5 months of no contact apart from a few emails from him to whcih i responded he decided to pick up the phone . I didnt answer and called him back the next day.

So had a "how are you " conversation ,

then i said ive got to go now , bye and he said maybe we can meet for coffee when he gets back. so i said ok then. bye.

 

any advice on this meeting? good or very bad idea?

 

anyhow im back in uncertainty myself so thats quite a good start.

[caveat]

Hi JOYl,

 

Any update? How are you doing?

 

Caveat

[JOYl]

hi caveat,

thanks for ur reply.

 

well he sent a mail last week but didnt mention the coffee so i didnt mention it either.

i think its up to him to ask me again.

 

anyhow apart from that. life is good.

 

how r u doing?