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My gf doesnt seem to want me enough sexually

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Overall, I dont feel sexually satisfied enough from my gf of about 8 months now. My biggest issue is that she doesnt seem to want it on a continuous all day, every day basis. My sexually expectations might be considered high, or i might just have a high sex drive, but when i spoke to friends of mine of my age, they said there is nothing wrong with this.

I want my gf to want me sexually ALL THE TIME. Im not saying i dont want any of the romance and love in the relationship, but to have a healthy balance of sexual nature involved as well. I want her to tell me when she speaks me that she cant wait to just grab me or ravage me. She usually just says that she misses me but nothing more. When i attempt to flirt with her, she usually responds with a "stoppp" or "ur so silly". I want her to kick something back at me thats even more stimulating. Instead, she just kills that moment. I dont get jumped on when i see her after a long time, and i dont get the feeling from her that she wants to rip my clothes off every time she sees me. I dont feel like shes excited to see me, i dont feel as though she ever flirts me. She should act like she cant keep her hands off me, but it just doesnt feel that way.

One issue she states that makes her act this way is that we both dont have a place to really ever do it, and when we do, its usually when one of your parents are out of town, or we rent out a room. She states that she isnt going to try to act horny or try to act sexual with me and turn me on when it isnt going to lead to anything. My argument was its not only about what it leads to, its about keeping that sexual connection alive no matter what the conditions may be. Its just that she makes me feel like she never wants it, and i dont feel sexually attended and attracted to at times.


Now in the beginning of our relationship, there was no issues, she would be alot more physically with me. The other thing was, I had an open place for over a month in which she was over all the time. As of late, I just feel as though I have to do all the stimulating. There is almost never any initiation from her end.

The only time she acts any different and turns into the baddest girl ever and i dont have to even touch her and she is already grabbing me wanting to fruck my brains out, is as soon as she gets some alcohol in her. Thats when she gets horny and cant keep her hands off me. I sometimes wish she would be like that when she is sober too, but that makes me wonder if its really the alcohol and not her, and why does she NEED the alcohol to act this way with me. It makes me actually NOT want her when she has been drinking, and makes me feel insecure.

She does battle with anxiety/depression, and does have chronic fatigue due to it, and states that sometimes she isnt energetic enough to want it all the time. She also gets sick very often.

She also has a very promiscuous past, mostly just during her college years, where she had slept with many men. Shes had many other relationships in the past. I just get confused as to how she isnt like that now that she is with only ONE man. She is very seriously into me, and she is very persistent on wanting to spend the rest of her life with me. She loves me dearly and is a very sweet girl, however this is my one issue.

I had brought this up to her a couple of months ago, that I wish she would be more sexually explicit and flirtateous with me, and for a brief moment (week or two) it improved but not to an extent I would like. She also stated that if we lived together or one of us had our own place, it would be different. Do i have wait until then to find out, and be sexually frustated until so?

I dont know how to bring this all to her attention either.

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oh and I shouldve mentioned that during the times that we do have sex, it is very good, and she does seem pleased very thoroughly from it, or at least thats what she states and i perceive. She doesnt have any trouble to orgasm, and we dont really have any issues when we are actually doing it. One thing I would want is for her to be more into it verbally when we do it. Instead of acting sweet and romantic each time we do it, i want her to sometimes just wanna be f**ked, and state and act so. She says she would feel like a hooker or pornstar if she acted that way.

My gf however also almost never wants to make out with me or kiss me for long periods. Its usually just a smooch/tap kiss, except when she wants it or has been drinking. If i dont initiate making out with her, or she isnt in the mood, she doesnt do it. She actually almost repels it and doesnt even let me do it if i try, or stops after a minute or so.

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ok....women...we don't want sex all the time, and most the time when we are horny, we tend to not be around the guy we want. its inconvinant i know, but thats just how we tend to work. once we get into the mood it is very hard to get out of it so sometimes girls just don't like to play it up and then get nothing. i'm sorry, but it happens. when she is 30 though it will be a different story....anyways maybe if you play it down for a few days or maybe weeks she will start wanting you and showing you those things that you want, not to mention when you finally do have sex it will be wonderful because of all the tension that will be released, like having sex after a huge fight sometimes, you know.


lack of place to do it is also a downer for girls because sometimes the thrill of getting caught isn't always a thrill. and i personally don't like feeling akward with the parents. they know you do it, but they don't want to hear or see it. anyways just be patient, in time you will notice the little signs she does show you that she is interested and who knows maybe that will be more exciting then her gropping you in public....or sit down and talk to her and tell her that you would really like that and ask her what you can do for her, so it is a give and take instead of her just doing something for you. she might be more willing then.

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dood seriously you don't have to have sex everyday. It's fine to just cuddle or hold hands during some days. Not always have to be sexual! There's more to a relationship than being sexual. With my bf and I we don't jump over each other when we see one another. There's other thnings to do eg. dinner or movies, shopping..etc..


Perhaps her depression etc..has an effect. Also if your having relationship problems girls tend to get less attracted to their mate.

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well ive dated many girls, and i know their level of sexual desire imcreased as their general interest in me increased, and almost all the girls ive been with before have wanted it more than this one, yet this one has been the most emotionally interested. Im not saying i dont enjoy doing all the other things. We go out all the time, do all sorts of things. I love her company, i love being just next to her, but im also not sexually satisfied.

Im not saying i want her to want me every single second of the day, because then I would get tired of it as well. But there is a degree of wanting it to keep it healthily balanced. Then theres the other side of the spectrum where you virtually dont get it at all and you just begin to wonder if your girl really desires you in that way. I want her to be more flirtateous. More wild. She is too lovey-dovey ALL the time.

ALL she ever wants to do is cuddle. Im sorry but I need to feel physically desired more than just wanting to be held ALL THE TIME. Dont get me wrong, im a very affectionate guy, but everyone needs to feel turned on, and not once a month. Thats just unfair to me.

I sometimes now get to a point where she turns me into not wanting it myself. But then the moment i see her, i get turned on instantly and I want to just grab her and rip her clothes off. I wish she would act that way towards me.

However you want to defend women, go right ahead, but ive been with a ton of women who want it all the time too.

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oh and by the way, im actually NOT one to want sex ALL the time...i can go months and months being single without having gotten any at all, and its fine for me.

The issue here for me is NOT the physical sex. Its more the concept of sexual desire and attration, and how much that is displayed towards your partner on a consistent manner to maintain that component of a relationship.

It was different earlier in the relationship, thats all i can say. I dont complain or negate about any person for the matter, but i do get worried when things change.

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Don't take this the wrong way, but many women seek the same thing you want. They want their men to constantly want them. They want to feel chemistry, passion, primal urges. They want sponteneity, vibrancy. They want to feel the affection, to feel alive, to feel desired. But even a man with the most powerful sex drive doesn't necessarily please a woman who wants all these things. Women simply won't want sex 'all the time' like man (or at least if they do there is some element of hormonal fluctuation).


So I think it may be constructive for you to separate sex from all your other emotion-based desires. I think it might help you wrap your mind around how you feel about this woman. Maybe if you can express more clearly to her what you want, you could compromise.


If it is sex you are wanting at a particular time, find a place to make it happen. Otherwise don't complain to us that she doesn't want to get turned on without release. That is quite normal and should be very understandable! Many men feel the same way. I have felt that way too...and often.


For the rest of it, make a conscious effort not to do the things you know frustrate her (since she can't have you right then and there). Set some boundaries. Cuddle, hold her. Kiss her (but stop short of heavy making out). Know the difference, respect her boundaries.


And for crying outloud, stop lamenting about not having enough good places to have sex. Get your butt moving and do the leg work. Make it happen!

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I won't lie to you my man, it's a bad sign as a girl's sex drive is directly tied into how emotionally she feels about you. My girl was no nympho or anything, but because she is 100% in love with me, she wants it all the time. This is usually the first sign I notice on the way to the eventual break up.


Well my gf makes it sound as though our relationship is perfectly fine

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I totally agree with everything you say, and actually i have no problem making it happen anytime and anywhere. Im one who's up to try to anything and everything. For me, no isnt an answer. However, my gf is not quite that way, she is quick to say no for many situations, not just sex. This part, i feel, has to do with her depression.


I do know when to stop myself, when to see shes not in the mood, and respect her opinions or wishes. I actually for the last couple of weeks have been trying to do just that, kiss cuddle etc and work within her boundaries to see if doing things her way is more comfortable for her, and still nothing. Matter of fact she actually seems more comfortable with wanting to do JUST that instead now. I only end up more frustated.

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Sweetheart perhaps you two are not sexually compatible, have you thought about that possiblity??? There are plenty of women who share your same verve and zest for sex, maybe your girlfriend is just not one of them.


Ive thought about that but hate to think of it, because we have such a wonderful relationship when i exclude that factor, and the fact that when we do have sex, it actually is good. Our bodies have chemistry with sex, but i feel as though our minds dont.

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Ive thought about that but hate to think of it, because we have such a wonderful relationship when i exclude that factor, and the fact that when we do have sex, it actually is good. Our bodies have chemistry with sex, but i feel as though our minds dont.

Well then you really need to ask yourself how important sexual compatibilty is for you in a relationship. I've been with guys who were lacking in other areas, but who happened to match me sexually, and I've also been with a guy who fulfilled all my relationship needs, except of course for my sexual ones. It's a tough call.

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You are definitely further ahead of the game than I gave credit for. And you seem to be every bit as spontaneous as women want and them some (in a good way).


From what you have described, your bond is a very powerful bond. You have desires to spend the rest of your lives together. thereforeeee in 'this' particular case, the last thing I would suggest is that 'maybe she isn't compatible with you'.


She has demonstrated she can have a very strong drive for sex. And things have been better for you in the past. I don't think you'll ever find a life partner who is perfect regarding your sexual ideals. They are great goals I think, but I don't think you'll get the feeling you want all the time no matter what. So I think accepting that is very important. I think you have something you should work with here and not even consider giving up on based on what info we have.


The main thing you should be concentrating on right now is helping her with her chronic fatigue and depression. You most likely are, especially from an emotional standopoint....but I am just stating that I think that issue will need to be resolved before your love-life will flourish again. Same with the chronic fatigue (related to depression).


Depression can negatively influence hormone levels, lowering sex drive. Antidepressants (if she is taking any) can reduce her drive....and frankly just feeling depressed does it immediately. You have to help her through that first. That means way more than sex!


I feel if there is something you can point to as the problem (depression), there is something you can work toward to improve your situation and relationship as a whole.


Hypothetically, if you were dating another woman and you found she had a very strong sex drive, she would probably be just as likely to have issue in the future too that would make the sex life less than ideal. And those issue might be harder to deal with than what you have now. We are all human!

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Well i have dated other women who have a sexual drive that can match mine, but not many. However, im not one to display my sexual drive immediately to a women, because then it'll portray itself accross as me being interested in just the sex, where as im actually not that type. I can wait months before having sex with a woman. Nonetheless, as time progresses and the relationship is solidified more, sex to me is a big factor in a relationship. I just enjoy feeling wanted. I sometimes feel as though my girlfriend acts more like just a friend, and less like a girlfriend.

I do focus almost all my attention towards her over well-being, and helping her manage through her health concerns. She has been dealing with it for years, and she recalls being angry and withdrawing from being social for as long as she remembers.

She was promiscuous in college, not because she wanted sex, but just because it gave her an oppurtunity to bond with another human being, due to the fact that she was lonely and missed her family.

I believe i am one of the first guys that didnt view her that way, that wanted more than just a physical-centered relationship. I showed her affection and showed how you can balance in sex with everything. In the beginning, it seemed as though she was excited about the new experience and being excited to be with me. But it seems to me that that also died out, and eventually what happened was i started to see the real her. She couldnt cover it up any longer, and she went into a depression/anxiety period, which for now she cant seem to get out of. This was after 4 months into our relationship, at which point, I was already strongly attached to her emotionally. I could not let her go at that point, and thought she'll get better soon, but the truth is, it only gets worse.

She is on antidepressants, but she has been on them for years, and it hasnt changed her libido. Most side effects from most antidepressants actually go away once the body adjusts to the effects of drug (within a month or two). Its more so her overall mood and fatigue if anything that negatively effect her for this matter.

I dont know where to go next. I love her and she looks highly upon me. I want to help her and take care of her but i seem to have to sacrifice myself ALOT in order to do so. My expectations from the beginning are totally changed. Difficult for me to deal with, but im trying my best to be patient.

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Dude, don't be so rough with us girls.


I've heard in the past that "girls have sex because of love, guys in fall love because of sex". That may be a little exaggeration, but there's some truth behind it.


Relationship is different to a one night standards is that relationship requires both sex and emotions. From what you said, she seems to really love you, and you should treasure her, and show her some romance.


Maybe you get to know what it is like from her side of relationship, and understand it may not be easy for her too.

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