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who pays? (continued...)


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I agree it is considerate, but offer to pay only once, and don't try to argue about it. Nothing annoys me more when I decide to pay, the girl offers, I decline, then she goes on the "no I insist, blah blah." Don't argue, if someone pays for your food, etc all you owe them is a 'thank you.'


Offer once, if refused then say thanks and move on.


Random addition: if you must pay for something, get the cab. It's private, inconspicuous, and strikes me as classy for some reason...

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I agree with what everyone says. My girlfriend forces me to let her pay, for example at the cinema for me to pay I physically have to push her out the way when she goes to buy her ticket and buy two. And even then she buys the food. But hey Im not complaining But I agree I really like it when a girl offers to pay.

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This is a great topic - good advice. Just offer once. But what do you do if the guy NEVER lets you pay?? And you've gone on a couple dates and he always insists on paying for them. Do you keep offering? Do you just accept it? Why do they do this to us? Shouldn't both parties be contributing after the first date?


I am with a guy like that for over a year. Here is what I do and this keeps it at about 60/40 these days (he pays 60% of the time) - used to be more like 70/30. I buy movie and other tickets in advance and refuse to take his money, I get the check while he's away from the table and pay it before he can reach for it, I buy him gifts that he wants, pay for his favorite groceries (things I don't eat/drink that he likes), I give him cash to pay him back for expensive items like a vacation we took (because if I give him a check he refuses to deposit it), and I make sure in general that we are not going to expensive places with any frequency. Or, I'll suggest I prepare a meal or order out and when the delivery person comes I am the first one at the door.


If I get to the check first, he sometimes will fight me on it especially if he planned the evening or if it is an expensive meal. Sometimes I let him but only if it is clear that I am getting the next one.


I do let him pay most of the time when we are out with friends because he would feel weird having me pay in front of our friends. But, then I get the next one or next "ones" depending on how many times that happened.


I think it is fine if the guy pays for the first few dates- I start offering to pay usually at the first date but always by the second date and after that.

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