Something that's probably been asked before, but I need help with...

[IntoTheFire]

Is it a natural thing, after you break up with someone or stop talking to them, to think "yeah, I can probably do this. It'll be fine. Not like the world has ended or anything" one minute, then be like "Oh God, there's absolutely no way I can get over this" within the space of a minute or so?

 

Also, I know people say that if you surround yourself with friends etc it helps, but does anyone recognise the feeling that the friends just aren't "up to the standard". I know that sounds really bad, but I don't know how to put it otherwise. I mean, does it ever feel like your friends are cool and everything, but at the back of your mind you aren't happy and you're wishing xxx could be there instead with you?

 

If this is a natural feeling, when does it even start to get better?

 

I don't have time to go into the full story as I need to be somewhere soon, but if you guys could give me your thoughts on the above, I'd appreciate it so, so much.

 

Thanks in advance

[AwdreeHpburn]

Of course that's normal Into TheFire....and it will get better. Then"when" is so different for everyone but what's important is that it WILL get better....

 

Hang in there!!

[kellbell]

Hey there,

"Is it a natural thing, after you break up with someone or stop talking to them, to think "yeah, I can probably do this. It'll be fine. Not like the world has ended or anything" one minute, then be like "Oh God, there's absolutely no way I can get over this" within the space of a minute or so?"

 

Yes, completely normal. It is the dreaded emotional rollercoaster. One day you feel alright and the next, completely miserable. It is your mind and emotions adjusting to the changes of not being with that person. Eventually, your emotions will become more stable and you will feel better at coping. In the beginning, it very hard. Kind of like an emotional detox.

 

"Also, I know people say that if you surround yourself with friends etc it helps, but does anyone recognise the feeling that the friends just aren't "up to the standard""

 

I feel this happens because we put our signifcant others on a pedestal and we also place so much importance on our romantic relationships and once that is over, we feel a big void and like nothing will measure up. Those feelings will go away once you get off the emotional rollercoaster.

 

How long does that take? That depends on the person, it is an individual thing.

 

I am so sorry about your break up. Hang in there.

[bigheart09]

Yes, that is a very natural feeling. I think you described it perfectly. I went through one of those weekends. One moment I am fine and think "no problem, I can do this" and the next have an uncontrollable urge to break down and cry. I dont know when, but it will definitely start getting better. In regards to the friends, I understand that as well. I feel that a mix of being alone and being with friends helps me.

[IntoTheFire]

Thanks for the replies. It helps somewhat to know that people know what I'm talking about.

 

Rollercoaster is not the word for what this feels like. Bloody hell, that's an understatement. Every minute knowing I don't have this person like I used to feels like an hour. They're constantly on my mind, and I feel sick all the time too. Eating is the last thing in my head.

 

To be honest, I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. Not even a wee bit. It feels like I'm not gonna get out of this one. I don't know if that sounds a bit clingy and needy, but if it does, then I guess that's what I am. I just can't see myself being happy without this person.

 

When I was about 16, my boyfriend dumped me overnight with absolutely no reason or explanation. I thought I knew what love was. I didn't. Now I do. I can truly understand someone breaking your heart now.

[bigheart09]

IntoTheFire, please dont feel like there is no hope. I am in the same place as you right now, not being able to concentrate, not eating thinking about my ex ALL the time. It is difficult when you think that you will never wake up with this person lying next to you again. Use ENA as a support system and know that you are not alone in feeling like this. Please pm me if you need to talk. Do not lose hope, it will get better.

[IntoTheFire]

I went out tonight, and I'm just home. Decided to see if my SO was online, which they were not (although, that is to be expected at 3am, I suppose)

 

I had a good night tonight. A few "God, I wish I was just at home with them" moments, but overall, it was fun. Of course, I can't go out and drink every single night, so I'm already dreading tomorrow day and night, and everything from then on. I'm sorry if this isn't making much sense as I'm finding it a little hard to type in my stupid drunken state. Sorry.

 

I spoke a wee bit to my friend about it tonight, but I don't know if that helped or not. She wasn't very understanding, which is exactly what my SO would have been had I been talking to them instead. I just miss them so damn much it's unreal, and I'd be lying if I said that I saw a way out of all of this. I feel sick constantly, can't eat, can't talk to anyone, can't smile, can't function like a normal person...nothing. It feels, honestly, like my life has just stopped. I'm still feeling and existing, but in all respects, there's no point in carrying on without them.

 

It's very true what people say about it never raining, only pouring. My mum is on at me 24 7 about finding a better job than the one I have, paying my way at home, and everything is piling on. Usually at times like this, I would have had my SO to talk to or whatever, but not anymore, and it's hard as hell.

 

Again, I need to apologise for my drunken ramblings. I hope I can make some sense to some of you, and you can understand what I'm talking about. I need to stop writing before I lose it completely, and I need some sleep, so I'm gonna go do that. This is absolutely the worst feeling I've ever had in my life. Give me physical pain over emotional pain anyday.

 

I NEED, NEED, NEED to talk to them, before I die here. How the hell do I get myself out of that? I honestly don't have an answer.

 

I need to distract myself from it. I've gone to the effort of buying books and things to distract myself, but I doubt it'll work. Everything reminds me of them. Someone'll walk past me with a similar hair style, or clothing style, or a similar perfume smell, or I'll say something that me and my SO said between us, or a song will play...anything is enough to remind me, and it absoulutely kills.

 

bigheart09 thankyou. I will keep that in mind, along with what you said about not losing hope as things will get better.

 

xxx

[bach]

Hang in there IntoTheFire. You are not alone.

 

I feel my friends dont understand at all. They are all in relationships and even though a few of them have been in the breakup situation before its like they dont really care. The fact is they have no idea what im going through right now because you tend to forget how bad it is when its not happening to you. Thats what makes this site a saivour because here we all seem to understand.