Problem with Boyfriends Best Friend

[lovecrazy]

ok To explain the situation, my boyfriend and I broke up, because he felt the relationship wasnt working. There was too much complaining and not enough loving. If you catch my drift.

 

Well background info, I believe we have worked out our problems, and are back together again.

 

Well my boyfriend and I have this fantasy of a 3some. Me, him, and another girl. I have told him there are only a few girls I would do it with. And one happens to be my best friend K. Well we three had a disscusion of this happeneing. Now this is before we got back together. My intention was not to use this to get him back. I actually wanted it.

 

But his friend came out last night and told my boyfriend "She is pathetic this is the only way she can keep you in a relationship with her. Is by offering a 3some." Ok well I can see how someone can view it as that.

 

Well my boyfriend actually said he would not hang out with Brandon, because of this. I told him you dont have to feel obligated, to choose between us. I wouldnt ask that. He rebutted with, "I make my own choices"

 

Well now I am not only pathetic, but sooner or later with his friends way of thinking I made him stop hanging out with him. Honestly I have nothing against his friend. He is actually a good guy, and can be very kind hearted.

 

But I wish his friend, if he has a problem with me, to come to me. And act like an adult. I am not trying to fight, with him or any of his friends. I am not in High School anymore.

 

So what is the next move? Leave it alone, confront the friend, or let the boyfriend fight the battle for us both.

 

I also told my boyfriend, I would not try and argue with his friends, no point in beating a dead horse.

 

It does bother me, that his friend feels that way. Because at one point, I was "friends" with him, or so I thought. I guess I was the girlfriend, who he dealt with, just because it was his best friend.

 

So how do I react. I didnt act upset, I didnt say anything bad. I cracked a joke "He is just jealous, that he doesnt have a girl to arrange things like that for him" and we had a decent laugh, and left it at that.

 

I dont disrespect his friend, nor degrade him.

 

Yeah that was my sunday night!

[n83]

Whew.. well, it's not really up to you to confront his friend or anything. One thing to consider, though, is that if your bf is really serious about giving it a good go with you, he needs to stop his friend from saying bad things about you. If he's not doing that, there's probably a reason why, and you should figure that out. As for a 3some, it's probably not the best idea at this point. It's inviting someone else into your relationship which is clearly unstable (or not as stable as it should be...)

thats JMHO

[kellbell]

Hi there,

 

A few things in your post...

 

I am not sure if inviting another person in your sex life like that is a good thing. Especially when you and your boyfriend just found your way back together. I recommend that you and him continue to work on things and make your relationship strong and thriving before you open a can a of worms. I understand this is something you have discussed and thought about but discussing and DOING are completely different things. A lot CAN go wrong and I am not sure if you want to risk your relationship with your boyfriend and your best friend's friendship at this point. I would wait on that and mend other aspects of your relationship.

 

About Brandon, what he said was inappropriate and obviously has no clue that this matter was well-covered territory. I would leave it alone. Unfortunately, everyone is not going to like you and everyone is going to have an opinion, regardless of how inaccurate it is. You know how you feel and so does your boyfriend. That is all that matters. In the future, I recommend that you and your boyfriend refrain from talking about your personal life to other people. The less people that know about it, the better off the both of you will be.

[Iceman26]

I'd be more concerned with your boyfriend talking to his friends about having a threesome with you and one of your friends. How much love, respect and maturity does that show?

 

I think Brandon was simply looking out for his friend and may be a little jealous , but for one he could have phrased his words a little better, and two, I don't see why your boyfriend felt the need to come running to you to tell you what his friend said. To me, all that really did was hurt your feelings and it didn't accomplish anything.

 

I think the smart thing would be to let him handle it.

[lovecrazy]

Whew.. well, it's not really up to you to confront his friend or anything. One thing to consider, though, is that if your bf is really serious about giving it a good go with you, he needs to stop his friend from saying bad things about you. If he's not doing that, there's probably a reason why, and you should figure that out. As for a 3some, it's probably not the best idea at this point. It's inviting someone else into your relationship which is clearly unstable (or not as stable as it should be...)

thats JMHO

 

 

You are correct, he does need to stop his friends from saying bad things about me. They were talking online, when this conversation occurred. He just signed off and let it go, then told me about I feel he should have defended me a bit better, rather than not at all. And just leaving it alone. He is the type that will not hang out with him, but still talk with him. And I do not want to be blamed for this at all. I told him not feel obligated.

 

Hi there,

 

A few things in your post...

 

I am not sure if inviting another person in your sex life like that is a good thing. Especially when you and your boyfriend just found your way back together. I recommend that you and him continue to work on things and make your relationship strong and thriving before you open a can a of worms. I understand this is something you have discussed and thought about but discussing and DOING are completely different things. A lot CAN go wrong and I am not sure if you want to risk your relationship with your boyfriend and your best friend's friendship at this point. I would wait on that and mend other aspects of your relationship.

 

About Brandon, what he said was inappropriate and obviously has no clue that this matter was well-covered territory. I would leave it alone. Unfortunately, everyone is not going to like you and everyone is going to have an opinion, regardless of how inaccurate it is. You know how you feel and so does your boyfriend. That is all that matters. In the future, I recommend that you and your boyfriend refrain from talking about your personal life to other people. The less people that know about it, the better off the both of you will be.

 

 

I am going to leave it alone, and try avoid talking to him as much as possible, (which doesnt happen that much either) but at one point I thought him and I were becoming friends, but in time I guess the truth was revealed. I feel as an adult if someone has a problem with someone to go directly to that person rather than acting in a childish manner. Granted this might be one of those "Pick and choose your battles" but either way, I will not degrade his friend, nor put myself to his standards. However, he comes at me again I cant promise anything. I can control myself, but if pushed the wrong way, a bad reaction could happen. it bothers me, but it doesnt. I think my boyfriend should have stepped up and said "hey dude, its not like that, I want to be here, because I want to be here" but you cant let stupid things get the best of you.

 

I'd be more concerned with your boyfriend talking to his friends about having a threesome with you and one of your friends. How much love, respect and maturity does that show?

 

I think Brandon was simply looking out for his friend and may be a little jealous , but for one he could have phrased his words a little better, and two, I don't see why your boyfriend felt the need to come running to you to tell you what his friend said. To me, all that really did was hurt your feelings and it didn't accomplish anything.

 

I think the smart thing would be to let him handle it.

 

It doesnt bother me so much that he told his friends. I do the same. And his friend might be jealous. My boyfriend and I have this 100% honesty thing going. No matter how hutful it is...BE HONEST! At least that is how I feel.

 

Now another question should I tell the boyfriend that I am kinda hurt that he didnt defend me more? Or just leave it alone. I think I did mention it last night, but I am too tired to recall....

 

OH and thanks for the replies