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why bother...


soulse
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Recently it's starting to seem like everything I do is just bringing me back to the way I was in middle/high school. I was constantly emotionally beaten up during those years. I felt like a ghost and depressed. No one ever noticed I felt like this, not even my parents, mostly because I never told anyone. College helped a lot, but recently I've felt like I'm going back to how I felt in middle/high school. I'm just getting so * * * *ing pissed off about this. I've mostly stopped doing most of my school work. Not because Im sick of it, I enjoy it, but because I just don't care if I fail out of college or not. I'm thinking of transfering. I've tried talking to the very few friends I have (I figured they would listen since they dump there problems on me) but it always just seems like when I'm trying to tell somone my problems they aren't really listening and just waiting for their turn to talk. I can't find any inspiration for my art work for classes and I just want to do my own things. All and all I thought I was finally getting out of this equivocal depressed feeling, but am feeling more and more like its just pulling me back in. I don't know. It's like I've been going back and forth between days of extreme happiness and then days of utter despair. If you respond to this please don't give me the redundant answers that I have heard time and time agian. I know it can get better, I know other people are worse off, and I know im not alone in feeling like this.

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It seems to me like you've had a rough time. When i feel as down as ever i use it to inspire me to become artistic, I am a musician and a poet, whatever mood i am in i will try to be artistic through it but when i am feeling despair and i've written it down my emotions are released and i feel better! Use these emotions for your artwork, It might take a bit of time to release those emotions into art but it will happen! When you feel down, think of good times rather than just express your sadness because no matter what, expressing your sadness will only make you sadder! Try to stay positive and even if that seems like a mission with no starting point, it will happen over time. Use art, Art is a tool with many helping features for many problems. I hope i've helped. Eamon

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Then make yourself. Don't lie in bed all day feeling sorry for yourself, wallowing in self-pity. it makes you worse. Make the effort and get off that bed!

 

sorry, I dont think I said that right. I can get up and do things, I just feel compltely indifferen't about anything. I'm just starting to get fed up with everything.

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I've thought about it. I'm actually feeling a lot better today though, for some reason. For some reason though I don't actually feel so bad about failing out of college. I mean I didn't even like how the classes were going and how they were being taught and I was even thinking of transfering. I just have this feeling now that no matter the consequences I'm going to have to face for my grades this semester its going to be ok.

 

I believe I will try and get some help though. Mainly because of my past. unfortunately I don't know if I'm going to be able to use my college counseling center since I won't be able to get there till I get back from winter break which by the time I get back I might have already been kicked out.

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