Now I'm bringing BOTH of us down!

[emma34]

A little intro...my boyfriend and I have been together 10 months or so...crazy about each other -get along great, practically live together. No huge problems thus far. He's the kind of guy who is very cool, laid back, responsible but fun...in a thousand ways I am jealous of his relaxed and friendly personality, because me, whom used to be all of these things, in the last 2 years have spiraled into what I assume to be chronic depression...i've seeked help, i do have a medical condition (hypothyroidism), but medication has not helped...progressively becoming more anxious in social situations, and will for no reason burst into tears and have anxiety attacks...i have good days and bad days. Today is a bad day - they have been frequent lately..

 

I tried to avoid any contact with him today knowing I would either put him in a negative mood too or that I would get irrational and reject his attemps to make me feel better - but he tried to be sensitive, and after an afternoon of attempting to do "saturday errands" i ended up telling him I had to go home and by this point we had spoken about 10 words to each other, and he was depressed as ever.

 

I hate it because I don't want to push him away, but I don't want to hurt him either - I honestly feel that somedays or evenings, I ruin everything..and I can't control it. Nights he's spent staying up till 5 in the morning with me because I couldn't stop crying for no reason...he's so sweet but he's getting sick of it because he can't understand and i can tell.

 

I don't know what to do...I think I'm ruining my relationship...and unfortunately this has affected all of my relationships in life (friends/family) - i'm just not a very fun person anymore...

 

ugh...can anyone relate?? and advice??

[Aurian]

Have you tried discussing this with your doctor? Seems to me that they should be able to find some medication that might help you - if one didn't work, it doesn't follow that all will work the same way.

 

My second suggestion would be counselling, perhaps you can find ways to deal with the growing anxieties and such you are going through. If you can handle them better, they will bother you less and less and you might feel happy and relaxed again.

 

Hang in there and try your best to improve yourself!

[Zaphod]

It doesn't help that he's really extrovert, always happy, smiling & dancing

 

You think this could perhaps be a social "layer" that he has? In other words a mask?

 

Nobody is happy 100% of the time,. surely?

[Momene]

My wife has panic attacks and depression and I'm "just" depressed. I can relate to what you're saying because we go through times when we're alternately feeling annoyed with ourselves and each other and helpless to change the situation. I can't pretend it'll all magically right itself and we do affect each other.

[chigal28]

Emma, I just posted on something quite similar today, as well...I haven't been officially diagnosed with depression, but I go through all the random crying, panic attacks, social anxiety, etc. And I also have begun to annoy my boyfriend because he has no idea what to do...most of the time I am fun and a bit silly, but then my mood just changes and I can't stop crying.

 

I know that you have confirmed that a medical condition may be behind what's going on for you, but I found some of the answers posted in my thread (Am I Too Needy?, posted in the relationship forum today), to be very thoughtful and helpful. Maybe you could check that out? I don't know how to post links to threads yet (just figured out how to quote other members!), but if I did I would post it here for you.