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I am dating a person who I had been friends with prior to our relationship starting.


We've known each other for half a year and started dating casually in October, but have become an unofficial couple by the end of November so I feel we're at a point where we can become sexual: she even dresses naked in front of me without too much embarrassment.


I've made a few moves to become sexual or least somewhat more intimate with her, but all of those times have been rejected. This is somewhat troubling because I am a sexual person and even if not intercourse, sexual stimulation is an important component of a healthy relationship. She doesn't respond much to making out or kissing for long periods of time either, although she does often request that I massage her thighs or back - very sensual touching.


After another spurred attempt by me to try and start up something, she eventually (unsolicited) looked over and told me that she was a very sexual person with daily sexual urges, but a very serious issue (court case involving her ex) combined with a new birth control has all but killed her sex drive and have made her somewhat repulsed by the act. She then went on to tell me that if it were not for her biological anomaly, we would've had sex by now. She told me that she did find me attractive (very cute, she says), and that if she didn't we wouldn't be in the relationship we are in now. She told me that she was afraid of how I would respond to her telling me this, which was why she waited. I told her it was fine, and that I believed her. We went on and discussed our sexual experiences, and I have no reason to doubt that she is indeed normally a very sexual person.


I really want to believe her, as I like her as a person and companion and want to have more intimacy with her. We get along extremely well as a couple, we spend a lot of time together and she has made many comments about how much I mean to her and such. Does this reasoning for a lack of sex sound too out of the ordinary, though?

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If she is normally a sexual person, but is having some problems in this area, I think she needs to speak to a doctor. If not about her 'biological anomoly', at least her new birth control. If this is casuing her to feel this way she probably needs to switch to something that suits her better. I'm sure she doesn't want to feel this way forever.


Sometimes we get into habits, and not having sex can be one of them. Before my ex and I broke up after 4 years, we had just gotten into the habit of rarely having sex, which then led me to believe that I just wasn't that into sex. It was actually more due to the issues in our relationship. When I started dating again, I realised that I did, in fact, have a healthy sexual appitite, I had just let myself get out of the habit of enjoying sex.


If you both normally enjoy sex, she should try her best to do something about it, if not for you, for herself!

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This sounds perfectly reasonable. If she was abused at all in her last relationship, sex could evoke scary images for her. I've been there, and it ain't pretty. I've also been down the birth control sapping sex drive road too.


Give her some time, and make sure she knows you are ok with giving her time. Keep talking about it, and maybe she'll come around.


(FWIW, I take Apri for birth control now, and this seems to be much, much better than the brand I took previously)

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