Please help me

[kenlyn]

Well first of all I broke up with my boyfriend cos he was too controlling...he wanted to direct my life and my thoughts, added to the fact that I cheated on him and the guilt it brought made me resent our relationship even more (don't knoiw why) now if that wasn't bad enough the person whom I cheated with has a girlfriend but she was away at the time when this escapade occurred, we started seeing each other privately and got sexually involved while I becam emotionally attached. Now his girlfriend came back sometime ago and he stayed away from me, he wasn't calling me and so forth...I eventually let him go cos I realised that I am being used but now just a few days ago I made out with his friend (WHO IS MARRIED)...Can you explain this to me...I don't know what I am doing I am sooo confused and so depressed and guilty as hell since I see two of them on a daily basis. Please Help!!!!!!!

[blender]

Kenlyn, you are not in a "situation" you have simply made some not so great choices. Your healing over this will start once you make a choice to have self respect, and to cherish who you are and what you stand for. Obviously your choice of behavior has not lead to you feeling good about yourself, so honey, now make a choice to LEARN from this.

 

Why do you think you are making these choices? Do you want to feel "needed" or "loved" because this is not the way to go about getting this to happen.

 

You are worthy of a respectful, kind, loving relationship. So from now on, starting today, make a choice to respect yourself and try not to give in to desperate urges in the moment that you will feel remorseful for later.

 

You have already tried this irresponsible approach, of kissing this one, or cheating on that one, or making out with someone else's guy...it doesn't feel so "right" afterwards does it?

 

So lesson learned, and now it's about you making different choices.. that's all.. but it's important to ask yourself "why" do you think you made the choice of this behavior in the first place.. Do you have problems at home? Are you feeling a bit "lost" as far as you life right now?

[freedom]

Your choices, your actions. YOu know what is right and wrong you can figure it out. What is done is done and cannot be changed. What CAN be done is to use you HEAD and principles and move on to a different environment which will be better for you.

[blender]

Kenlyn, I hope you are doing okay, please know that this is just a confusing time in your life, but you can learn from all this, you are coming out of a relationship with a controlling guy, you are not feeling so good right now, so you've been emotionally vulnerble, and maybe you've made some not so good choices regarding your own behavior, but that's okay, you can now make choices that are better for you, where you can feel empowerd by self respect.. It's all about making different choices now, that's all.. you will get through this... we are here for you... best, Blender

[kenlyn]

To "Blender"

I feeling a lot lost right now not a bit at all. I know the reason as well is because I once had a great spiritual life and now it is in shambles...and because it is in shambles everything seems to be falling apart as well. I think at one point in time I was once a "smart" girl but ......*sigh*

 

My home life is normal ....no probs there out of the ordinary, but my self worth is diminishing and I want it back I want my life back...you know.

[blender]

Okay, then you understand that you ARE a smart girl, it's okay that sometimes in life we make choices that aren't so perfect, and the first thing you can do is to "forgive yourself" and know that you can do whatever you really want with your life. Starting today, you can have gratitude for all the good things in your home, and know that your "self worth" is just suffering a bit right now, but it's time to rebuild it, brick by brick, and this begins with the fact that YOU are worthy of a love, respectful love, and so now on you will no longer just "make out" with someone, instead you will walk away and go home early, or read a book, or say a prayer, or take a walk, or listen to music, you will now work on filling yourself up with your own love first... little by little this will help you feel better.

 

Do you you have a job? Is there any way you can do volunteer work at a local camp, or hospital for children?

[kenlyn]

To "Blender"

 

We all work in the same place....so I will take your advice and keep myself busy building ME brick by brick. I don't know where to start or how to start but I will try.

[blender]

do something you want to do, is there any hobby, or a musical instrument you'd like to learn? Volunteering someplace is always a great thing, it will impress others and more importantly make you feel good about yourself. It's all about doing things that BUILD YOUR CHARACTER, and expand your world. YOU can do anything you put your mind to... just one baby step at a time.. feel good about yourself, you seem like a sensitive girl who was wise enough to come here and say what you were feeling.. and to make a choice to change your behavior.. that is so wonderful..good for you!