Your wife doesn't do it for you?

[Survictor]

This is for the guys really.... If you and your wife have mundane sex and you are a bit bored by sex with the same person in the same way, what would you have her do that would make you hot for her again?

[Slacker]

I would try some new things, change the "way" you have sex.

Maybe a little initiation or an eager display on the wifes part.

 

Be certain all the emotions are in line though, if not then advancing

sexually is a destructive process.

[dogheadma]

Be honest with yourself and your wife about what possible scenarios would do it for you that you have not yet tried. Have your wife do the same and as long as you both give the stamp of approval, let the games begin!

[Survictor]

I just want some ideas, here!! lol. I am the wife, ok and I want to give my husband great sex. If I was your wife, what would you have me do that would make you really turned on? My husband is quite reserved in many ways.

[Day_Walker]

I think the perception is that when you get in a relationship, that the sex will keep up and keep on being interesting. The truth is that you are just having sex with the same person over and over. Because of the difficulties of life sex is going to get dull and the only way to keep it interesting is to expand the sexual arena. Both parties have to be into this and thats the only way it will work.

[ImThatGirl]

I just want some ideas, here!! lol. I am the wife, ok and I want to give my husband great sex. If I was your wife, what would you have me do that would make you really turned on? My husband is quite reserved in many ways.

 

 

I just have to chuckle here Survictor... I was thinking you were the wife.

[rose2summer]

Don't stick to the same positions, constantly change and modify to try new things.

 

Try spooning and also try him penetrating you while on top of you (while you lay on your stomach). I think that position is great since he can penetrate you more deeply than any other position, so you both will feel the maximum pleasure.

 

You want to make sure you do some of the work too, if he is moving to and from you, follow him and do it along with him.

 

And add in lines, like, oh you're body is sooo hot!

Hugs, Rose

[Survictor]

Ok, so I want to expand the sexual arena.... sooooo?????

[ImThatGirl]

Surv - you want specific suggestions, right?

[Survictor]

Don't stick to the same positions, constantly change and modify to try new things.

 

Try spooning, him penetrating you while on top of you (while you lay on your back). I think that position is great since he can penetrate you more deeply than any other position.

 

You want to make sure you do some of the work too, if he is moving to and from you, follow him and do it along with him.

 

And add in lines, like, oh you're body is sooo hot!

 

Thank you. We have been together years and so this is quite typical... no, I want to drive him wild and make him so hot he'll remember it for years, lol, Come on fellas, you must know what you would like your wife to do to drive you wild????

[Survictor]

Surv - you want specific suggestions, right?

 

Yes please. lol.

[rose2summer]

Is this the same husband who cheated on you with a prostitute?

 

I am a bit worried here because I wonder if you are feeling the need to do extra special things for him so that he doesn't opt to sleep with another woman again.

 

Did you feel this way, about the sex being mundane, before he went off with this woman for the night?

[BellaDonna]

I just want some ideas, here!! lol. I am the wife, ok and I want to give my husband great sex. If I was your wife, what would you have me do that would make you really turned on? My husband is quite reserved in many ways.

 

*Ask him what his fantasies are, and try to live them out within reason.

 

*Sexy outfits, lingerie.

 

*Add some toys into the mix if he's open to it. He might not be at first, but if you proceed to use them and let him watch he'll probably happily join in.

 

*Try not to have sex at the same time everyday. Many couples tend to wait until the end of the day when they are both tired. Instead, jump him first thing in the morning or when he comes home from work.

 

*enhance the mood: aromatherapy, candlelights, a bath togther.

 

*send him a "dirty" e-mail telling him what he can expect the next time he sees you. You'll build his anticipation.

 

BellaDonna

[BellaDonna]

Is this the same husband who cheated on you with a prostitute?

 

I am a bit worried here because I wonder if you are feeling the need to do extra special things for him so that he doesn't opt to sleep with another woman again.

 

Did you feel this way, about the sex being mundane, before he went off with this woman for the night?

 

Good point. If that is the case, then this situation is far more complex.

 

Survictor, it would help if you talked to us more about where this question originates from so we can try to give you good advice.

 

BellaDonna

[Beec]

OK, you want to expand the area of activites that you do? As in, you now engage in what, kissing, groping, intercourse, done? And you want to expend to oral, changing postions, role playing, what?

 

It really does not matter all that much, but you need to draw him out slowly. First, i would not talk with him too much in a direct manner. I'd try other things first. If the direct does not work, trying it first sinks the possibility that subtle indirect methods might work. So, try subtle, then go direct if necessary.

 

There are many directions in which you can expand, but you first need to get him HOT and then let him chase a bit to get him to expand the area slightly. Like if things are about to get hot, maybe you back off a bit and ask him how something looks, like your new style of trimming down there. Or maybe you get him hot, while you are out at dinner (I recently suggested to one woman that she go to dinner with her man, near the end of dinner excsue herself to go to the bathroom, and upon her return, slip her panties into his pocket. That will get a man hot.) The destination should not be in doubt, he should still know he is going to get it. Once you get him to take on step into another area, the doors become easier to open.

[Survictor]

I suppose it does have something to do with that but it isn't completely about that. He didn't initiate contact with a prostitute. He was drunk, confused etc. I was surprised it happened. He is disgusted with himself and says that he will spend his whole life trying to make it up to me. He had a few blackouts before.. alcohol related and since that time, has not touched a drop of alcohol. I am not happy it happened and whether or not he loves me, and I believe he does.. in fact I know he does, the fact is at that moment he wanted nothing more than sex.

 

Usually, he is very controlled. He sees sex almost as a weakness, I think. Anyway, he works really hard to please me and I want to be the one to make him go weak at the knees. He says he is quite dominant and he is very assertive, but doesn't feel he can be so with me because my ex was very abusive. Yes, it is complicated but the incident with the prostitute will not prevent me from trying to please my husband and give him mind blowing sex. Sure I have moments of doubt but it will not kill our relationship, in fact it will make it stronger because I understand more.

 

So... you are a man who has been with your wife (attractive and slim, I hasten to add) for many years and sex for you has become a little stale.

 

I think I answered my own question. lol.

 

He wants to be the sexually dominant one, do you think but fear of upsetting me means that he holds back?

 

So that's what the handcuffs are for? They were supposed to be for me!

[Beec]

If you want him to be dominant, I would take what I suggested before and get him hot. And then back off a little and either challenge him to come and get you or let him know you need it good and hard. In the heat of the moment, he should be willing to cooperate.

 

But good sex is not mundane sex, which means things need to change. There should be a time when you take the lead and dominate him a little. So maybe one night, you begin getting him in the mood a little, sit him down in a chair, raise the skirt you are wearing to expose nothign but you under it, get him to orally take care of you, then get his pants around his knees and hop on board. When you are done, walk off. This is a good thing to do when it's not bed time, when you have some place else to go soon.

[Survictor]

Thanks, Beec. I shall do both of your suggestions.

 

My sexy lingerie tends to be quite full on as in peephole, basques etc., and he chooses horrible little fluffy, pretty things that I hate. I suppose I shall just have to wear some of that stuff eh?

[Beec]

Yes, you probably do need to wear things he buys. He buys them because that is what he sees you in or wants to see you in.

 

Oh, the dinner thing. Flirt with him a bit at dinner. If he seems into it, then mkae the move. If he is not interested, abort. You need to amke sure he is receptive to a move before you make it. If he is not in the mood and not open to getting into it, making a move is a mistake.

[Survictor]

I definitely have a couple of things to get him hot under the collar. Thank you. Has your wife/gf done this for you and if so how did you feel?

[Beec]

I'll send you a pm. Somethings I don't like spelling out where the public cna read it.

[marathoner55]

Specific Suggestions - - -

 

"Yes please. lol."

 

If I understand correctly, he is a rather dominant man.

 

Frequently dominant, alpha males in real life want just the opposite in the bedroom.

 

You might want to think about some or all of these, to see if any of them are something you feel comfortable with. If they are, and if you proceed along these lines, make sure you have LOTS of communication. Not necessarily talking before hand (surprises are part of the fun!) but you definitely want to talk afterwards to make sure he is appreciative of you taking steps that do not come natural to you, AND that he is OK with these activities. Establish a pattern of these activities, followed (ALWAYS) by good, open, honest communication:

 

1. Playing scrabble, crossword puzzles, or some other game that you are good at. Only make it strip scrabble, strip crosswords or strip something else. When he is down to nothing and you are still fully clothed, tell him you still want to play. But if he loses again, with no clothing to remove, you get to impose a "forfeit" on him, of your choosing. Don't tell him what it will be. When he loses, you decide among these forfeits:

A. He is "required" to read you your favorite erotic short story, out of your favorite book of erotic short stories.

B. Make him perform oral on you, expertly, for ten minutes. And he is to get no satisfaction from you.

C. Tell him you will penetrate his rear, with your baby finger covered in a condom with plenty of KY Jelly, for one minute. He has to lay down over your lap. Then do it.

D. Tell him you are going to spank him, five swats with your bare hand on his bare butt. He has to lay down over your lap. He must say "thank you" after each swat and no complaining from him is allowed. If he breaks these rules, the five swats start over. If he breaks them again, they start over with a ruler.

E. Same as item C, except you first teach yourself how to "milk" his prostate, which is inside his rear. You will need to research this on the internet. A complete "milking" relieves the natual male desire for erotic pleasure, leaving him unable to perform for at least an hour.

 

2. Introduce small dildoes into your lovemaking. Its mutual at this stage. He is to be stimulating you. After a few months when he is comfortable with it, buy a dildoe that is bigger than he is. Continue for another month. Then give the dildoe a name. Call it "Jim" or "Tom" something. Do this for a month. In the next month, when you are together in bed, change the way you introduce the subject of dildoe play. Instead of what you usually say, asked to be f***d by "Jim" or "Tom" or whatever the name is. Do that for a month.

 

3. Same as 2 above, but add one more month at the end, and then take it to the next level. Tell him you want to describe a fanttasy to him. Explain this is NOT a fantasy you want to actually act out. But you want to tell him this fantasy, in private, just between the two of you. If he says yes, then make up a little scenario involving someone flirting with you. The person has no name at this stage. The first day you describe this scenario, it ends with you being turned on, but too embarrassed to flirt back. Then proceed to the dildoe play. The next day you describe the scenario, tell him you flirted back, and proceed to the dildoe play. Keep this up each day until you get to the point where kissing is happening, clothes are flying off and touching in all the "right places" is occurring (in the fantasy scenario, of course). Then the next step is giving the flirty friend a name. Here is the part that might drive him wild (if he is into this, and since you said he is dominant he might be, so long as it is ONLY a fantasy). You give the flirty friend the same name as the large dildoe that you love. When the dildoe is inserted, scream its name. Tell [its name] how good he is.

 

4. Same as 3 above, but tell [its name] how good he is, and that he is Sooo much better than your husband. This is dangerous ground. Do not proceed to step 4 without some significant talking with him afterwards to see if he enjoyed it.