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How do i make the dreams stop?

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Heyz, i've posted about this before. But never quite given the full story. Well here goes i'm petrified of my bf and his touch. I know why to. Because i keep having dreams really vivid dreams. That i'm getting raped. I won't go into detail for obvious reasons. But its really scaring me. I've always had them but never told anyone. I hate this i've never been sexually asulted or anything to i don't know why this is happening! Other then maybe from stories i've heard from others. I'm not attractive so i don't think men would want to rape me... Its just i can't get the dreams outa my head and they feel so real. to make things worse the man now has my bfs hands and face. I can see him. I don't know what to do anymore. Last night my best mate and i were just joking around and i wouldnt say i loved her (onli like friendship) so she jumped on me and attatched herself to me and wouldn't let go and just started kissing my cheek and stuff. I do that sorta thing all the time with mates. But i dunno after the recent dreams i got so scared and started crying. I ended up telling her what was wrong only because she thoughyt it was her fault. Please help me. Its not only destroying my relationship but now my friendships to... Help me please!

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No i haven't told him. I don't want to stress him more. Besides as long as people are around i can control it or make it look like a joke. I don't want to admit this... I feel so stupid for having these dreams! Many people actually experience this (my bf inculded) and i'm the one acting like a complete fool... I have a counsellor but i don't want to say it to her.

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You're not choosing to have these dreams, they are obviously very vivid and upsetting you ... you have nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed of.


I really think that talking to both your boyfriend and your counsellor would really help - sometimes the worry in your mind will grow and grow as you keep it to yourself. And I imagine that you are thinking about it as you go to sleep - the fear that you will have the dream again which is understandable but another factor which could make the dream return.


Talking to someone about it will help, I'm sure - your counsellor especially will have some helpful comments about how to deal with dreams. It could really help.


I do understand, I have suffered with bad dreams in the past ... it's not nice at all and I really hope that you can come through this and know peace when you sleep and a good relationship with your boyfriend.


Thinking of you



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Tell your counsellor. If you've had these since childhood, you should also tell your mother, and ask her if you were ever frightened by a man when you were a child, or had anything bad like that happen to you; sometimes families keep secrets from children of things that happen when they are too young to remember. You need to be very sure that this isn't a buried memory trying to come out, because if it is, you may end up having to deal with flashbacks and other intrusive phenomena associated with PTSD. You don't need to assume that you've been attacked, but I would say it's a real possibility.

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I very muchly doubt that i have been abused. I remember once with my mums old bf that when i was 5 she went into hospital to have a opeeration. I screamed and screamed and told her to let me stay with my nan. I never liked him, i don't know why. But then i had memories a little while ago of when he had taken off my shirt and i thought bad thoughts, then i remembered screaming at him to leave me alone and never to touch me because it was my body and not his (mi was an opinionated 5 year old lol) But i realised he was just trying to get me changed for bed thats all... Trying to do the right thing but i wouldn't let him. But it took me a while to remember it all. So i thought such bad things for quite a few months. Now these dreams. They aren't even dreams anymore but daydreams. Flashes (not flashbacks) of what could happen. I know it seems silly not to tell my bf but i couldn't go through that. And i doubt i could tell a counsellor. I like to keep things to myself generally. My best friend is the only one who knows and i want to keep it that way... Well now this site knows but thats different.

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There is no such thing as a "bad thought." Only actions can have moral weight. The things you may have been thinking may have been very difficult things, and there may be any number of reasons why you would think them. Maybe something based in something that happened, or maybe based on fears that have taken root and are starting to grow branches. There is no way to quickly or easily solve such a problem. But the best thing to do is to talk about it, examine your feelings and thoughts quietly and calmly. You can talk about it here; there is anonymity here, and we are people who have also had to deal with all kinds of difficult experiences. I think, too, that you should consider telling your counsellor, and make it clear to him or her that you want to be in control of how much you talk about it. You can stay in control of all your discussions about this, but I think you can find your way through to having fewer disturbing thoughts or "flashes" by not confining yourself to silence and secrecy.

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