divorce what should i do pleas help

[losttion]

Hello everybody i was with my wife for about two years. We had are ups and downs but i was always there trying to work it out as well as her. So our marriage wasnt great but i loved her no matter what. About a weak ago i found out that she stilled missed her ex and was still in love with him so i told her that i cant be with her anymore. I am hurting and dont know what to do i miss her and love her but i dont know what she has done behind my back and i dont think i could ever trust her again. she couldnt deny it after i caught her. I still love her..........

 

any help will help

[heartlessromantic]

Did she have an affair? I would suggest marriage counseling if you guys are not able to talk it out... Feelings and nostalgia for the past can come and go. It is how we understand and deal with them that can preserve or break a marriage .

 

Look up emotional infidelity on the net or at an online bookstore. There are many online articles and publications that deal with this issue.

[Aurian]

Sounds like you two need a good long talk. Its hard to give advice without details, but I assume she had an affair and you caught her? I guess the best course of action is to do marriage counselling and see if:

 

1) You both want to continue the marriage

2) The problems that caused her to stray can be fixed

3) The trust her staying broke can be fixed

 

Sometimes it really helps to have a good counselor to help get the lines of communication open. I think it is best to try communicate a bit about this before deciding if you want to save the marriage or end it.

[AwdreeHpburn]

Hey losttion - welcome to ENA.

 

I'm sorry for your obvious pain and difficult situation. Sounds like you've made a very difficult decision - we're here to lean on.

 

What actions have you already taken?

[losttion]

well i havent talked to her ever since i told her i dont want to be with her. My life has been hell, things are going through my head and my emotions are going crazy. One minute im crying then the other i am angry. I do want to be with her but i feel like if i do i wont be able to live it down. She hasnt tried to get a hold of me or i havent tried calling her. The last thing i heard she talked to one of my family members and told them that she just missed her ex as a friend and nothing else. But i dont believe that cause why would she hide that from me. And i wont be able to accept that as well.

thank you all for the help and support i plan on hearing from you guys a little more i truly need the help

[AwdreeHpburn]

so...have you actually filed for a divorce?

 

Or are you just punishing her for missing her ex? I don't mean that the way it sounds, I'm just wondering...

 

If you lover her, are hurt "having" to be without her but are hurt by her deception - why don't you just tell her that? I mean instead of saying what you WON'T do, giver her some idea for things you WILL do to make you both happy???

[losttion]

i just think to myself if she is missing him obviously im not enough for her and she will or already do something behind my back

[downbroken]

Welcome to ENA,

 

So did she cheat on you or did you just find out about the feelings she was keeping from. I believe that you need to think long and hard on what you want to do. Before you do anything. Do you really want to be with her or was the trust broken beyond repair. These are questions that only you can answer. And need to answer. You need to be 100% sure of what you want, because if you are not you are only going to casue yourself more pain.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if all she did was say she 'missed her ex', i think you might be overreacting and talking about divorce, especially if she didn't actually cheat on you or see him etc. there's an old saying, that just because you're married doesn't mean you're dead, i.e., you are still going to have passing attractions to other people (that you met before or after the marriage), but that doesn't mean you have to act on the attraction.

 

so if she didn't actually DO anything, just had a passing thought or made a stupid comment when she was feeling neglected by you or something, then i would say do NOT divorce or separate over something like this... just start talking to each other and a marriage counselor, who can help you work through things like this... it could be that you have more of a communication problem than an infidelity problem, if she just verbalized something insensitive and not serious...

 

plenty of people miss their exes, but it isn't always relevant to a marriage, more like a nostalgia kind of thing...