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I just got out of a very dysfunctional relationship of 9 months. There was a lot of love between us but we have very different goals and needs right now. He is 23 and I am 30. I have lived in Los Angeles for 5 years, done the party/bar thing , just want to come home to a loving, intimate relationship every night of my life. Although I like to go out to spoken word shows, art galleries openings. etc.. my social life doesn't revolve around drinking. His does. Perhaps it's the age gap or maybe the intelligence gap. He is so smart, I thought he was going to be smart enough to figure out that one invested, deep, intimate relationship was better than several shallow ones.

But now I am sprung from all the drama. And I am sad that I have to move away from him ( emotionally), I am also looking forward to a future of honest, intimate relationships . ( which I couldn't have with him) I tired so hard, I gave my full being to this relationship. And lost so much of myself. I am now getting me back and it feels good, I miss me.

Please tell me about you experiences of getting you back. How long did it take you to feel like yourself again. ( hopefully yourself even better than when you entered the relationship ) I know now I can take all the love I have with me wherever I go, It's not his to have. I have me again and it feels good.

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A few relationships back I was devestated by an ex. I couldn't sleep or eat properly, I was constantly miserable, and I just kept thinking about what I had lost. Then one day I snapped, I got up and said no more, I am good looking and smart and I can and will find someone else. I guess I just got tired of the self pity and wanted to be proud of myself again. It worked, I ended learning a lot about my self and I am a lot stronger than I was just a few years ago.

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Probably more so the age gap than intelligence. Shallow endeavoring is a tedious process of growing up for everyone. You've been there and is now grounded in the creative world of spoken words and the arts, whereas he's still testing the social depth of life.

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Sorry to hear about your breakup, Aschleigh. You will find someone you are much more compatible with. You'd be doing yourself a great disservice if you stayed.


There's no direct path in getting yourself back. It just takes time, reflection, being loving and kind towards others and patience. Take this time to reflect and mend your heart. We'll be here when you need advice.




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