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a little confusion.

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well this i was kind of not planning on typing up because it's hard to tell an entire forum. but i really want to get it off my shoulders.


my friend who i only knew over the internet was having alot of problems, he told me he was bisexual, he was always telling me about how much he hated life and how things were not going right for him and he was not enjoying life. at the time he was telling me this i was only about 12 or 13 years old.


anyway time went on and we continued to be friends and after a little while i noticed he was not coming on to talk to me anymore and i wasn't really worried because i didn't expect anything unusual to have happened. after a couple of months my life moved on, i never spoke to him again and he never replied to my emails, nor did he reply to any of his friends emails.


it's been two years, maybe three now i am still not even sure precisely. but tonight i re-thought about this after visiting the forums he used to be on and i feel stupid now that i am older. i realise he has disappeared, for three years. gone. and i realise now that all of the things he was telling me about his problems, he was being serious and he was telling me and i took them as nothing.


i now feel really stupid and guilty that it was my carelessness that might have done something. i was the person he was telling this stuff to and being only 12 or so at the time, i took no notice of any of it. i feel like i am somewhat responcible if he might have done something, but i still don't know if it's just me overthinking or what. it's been on my mind all night and i just feel terrible and guilty that i didn't do more, and that i won't ever know where he is or if he is okay now.


i didn't plan on saying this out loud but i feel really guilty and stupid it's just been swirling in my head. if anyone has any suggestions on what i could do or maybe that you think he is okay. i dunno what i just feel i should be saying this rather then keeping it to myself. im still a teenager and if i've learnt anything it's not to box your troubles inside of yoursel. do you think he is okay.


thanks in advance

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I don't think you should feel guilty in this situation...As a 12-year-old, there's not much you could have done about helping somebody that you only know online with his problems, and he must have been well aware of that when he confided in you.


There's really no way to determine if he's okay or not, if he's not responding to his emails. Maybe something happened...or maybe he just decided to get a new email address when he hit a new, better stage in life.


If you only knew him online, you can't really assume responsibility for anything that might have happened. Not to say that online friendships can't be valuable, but in all honesty, what can you do? You can't go to your school counselor and say that so-and-so is having a serious problem and could they maybe contact his parents because you're worried -- the way you might do if if was someone you knew in real life. All you have is a screen name and an email address...Maybe you don't even know the real person behind them.


I'm sorry that I can't be of more help, but I think that you should focus on the friends that you have now and making sure that if you get a bad vibe in the future, you act on that somehow...I hope that at least typing this out made you feel a little better about everything...

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  • 2 weeks later...

i feel so bad for u but u kno wat its not ur fault alot of us go through times where ppl tell us stuff and we feel like oh * * * * there lying and it turns out they weren't u just gotta try and tell urself tht its not my fault and dnt say the should of could of would of speech cus its not gonna help i hope u take my advice ~Chelsea

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You shouldn't blame yourself. You were only 12 and it can be hard at such a young age to grasp the seriousness of different things. You didn't know have the knowledge at that point in your life, to realize it. Granted you do now, but there isn't much you can do at this point, is there? I suggest at least have hope, that your friend found a way to deal with being bi-sexual.

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  • 2 weeks later...

i have had a number of friends go off the skids. i think i too have given others that impression wen i once packed up and left town without a word. my life had miserably disintegrated and i was "outta there."


probably more than guilt, what you are feeling is that you miss your friend. i have several friends who go in and out of focus regarding being online, emailing, or communicating with me. as people grow up, sometimes they leave the internet and get it on with life around them, so to speak. sometimes you have to. there is no free checkbook. get used to the idea that people have to work and have a career.


i have also had some friends flat out reject me. and this is after we were very close or worked together creatively. some people are petty underneath it all. well, that is life. part of growing up is all that sleep-over good-times hang-out mentality definitely gets thrown into the crusher machine. inevitably, people bond with one other person or become loners because they need quiet, and when this happens, it is goodbye and "see you!" to their previous basket and bunch of friends.


May God bless you and keep you, my friend. Find something you are interested in and work hard to get there.

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