Long term relationships

[ceeboogi]

Not to take away from those who were in short term relationships but I would like to here some experiences from those like me who were in long term relationships (mine 7 years)

And how you have been able to deal with the breakup. Has there been NC? Has there been contact? Has there been sex after the breakup? Did things become better or worse?

Did you get back together?

 

I ask these questions because I think with this amount of time invested in any relationship things are and will be very difficult to detach from. In my situation we have had limited contact, lots of fights, sex, crying, hurt and confusion. Still not back together nor do I think we will get back anytime soon. Too much damage has been done. But I love here so much that it is so hard to let go after all this time.

 

Thanks for listening

[JoeWho]

My relationship was just shy of 10 years. Have had very little contact ( a few emails) since August. I went through the whole break up with contact and sex, confusion, crying and begging and all that before we stopped talking. That was actually harder than going no contact. The roller coaster ride is unbearable, but once you know its over for good the ride is over and the climb up the mountian begins. I wont lie it sucks and there is an incredible void in my life. I miss her a lot sometimes but know there is no going back. Ten years is a long time as is seven years to be with someone and then all of a sudden you are alone and are lost for a little while.

 

The good news is it does get better. Believe it or not. I can look back to three months ago and I know I am doing better than I ever thought I would be. I still have a long way to go but I am working hard everyday to just move on.

 

Good Luck!

[pacopaco]

Not to take away from those who were in short term relationships but I would like to here some experiences from those like me who were in long term relationships (mine 7 years)

And how you have been able to deal with the breakup. Has there been NC? Has there been contact? Has there been sex after the breakup? Did things become better or worse?

Did you get back together?

 

I ask these questions because I think with this amount of time invested in any relationship things are and will be very difficult to detach from. In my situation we have had limited contact, lots of fights, sex, crying, hurt and confusion. Still not back together nor do I think we will get back anytime soon. Too much damage has been done. But I love here so much that it is so hard to let go after all this time.

 

 

Hi, I broke up with my girlfriend of seven years, too. we lived together for a year and a half. We were best friends before we got together for about three years. She had an affair with her boss. let me tell you, it's tough. yeah, there's crying, anger, arguments,sex, all of that. NC? it was tough at frist, but as of today, I have been No Contact for about a month and a half. This all happened, in Feb, by the way. I still get emails from her. she emailed me this week, but I ignore them. it's tough.

I've gone ahead and resigned myself to think that she will always call me some of the time. she has not left me alone all year. mind you, she cheated. Yeah, it's tough. i'm still not all the way through it. I still feel concern for her, and yes, even love, but it isn't like you'd expect. When you've been together for so long, no one knows you like she does, and no one knows her like you do.

[stunned]

The relationship with my ex, if you count courtship, was 7 1/2 years; we lived together almost 7 years. Yesterday marked the 3rd week since she slipped out in secret to go live with one of her grown daughers. (Details are in my first post.) I've had one limited phone conversation with her the day after she arrived at her destination. I broke NC on the US Thanksgiving holiday and emailed her, but she didn't respond. She didn't even try to contact me on my birthday last week, which was a bummer but to be expected, I guess.

 

The first week I was among the walking wounded and could only worry about and think of her. I was getting so low (we moved farther west than I wanted to when I retired because she wanted to be within 1 1/2 days drive of her grown children; now I'm thousands of miles from my extended family and old friends) I thought I'd lose my mind. Fortunately, I realized that I had to stop worrying about her and start to take care of myself. I'm now in an online, therapist-led course on eliminating depression. (I chose online because I'm in a rural area of the far northern US Rockies and, given our weather, cannot commit to traveling to a therapist this time of year.) I'm also trying to stay busy with various activites; however, that has been set back this past week because I have a case of bronchitis that just isn't going away and no one wants me around because I've still got a hacking cough.

 

The course and counseling is helping. I'm now in an angry phase. I'm not obsessively angry, but when I think about what my ex did I cannot justify it. I thought we were life partners and shared my home, assets and life with my ex, only to have her leave at the request of one of her grown children, without talking to me. (We had even spoken of marriage, but she wasn't anxious to rush in to it since she'd been married several times before.) Now, she doesn't want to talk so I don't know what else motivated her to leave. I have an awful feeling that once I retired and we moved that she got sick of me being around and as well as being on a budget. (She was having a good time before I retired; she wasn't working and had all day to shop, play and generally do what she liked.)

 

Two things that really irritate me is that she left most of her things here with me and took keys to the house, shop, my vehicle and the RV. I now have to deal with packing everything. I'm also going to have to change all the locks. (Not sure what to do about the locks on my vehicle and the RV.) I don't know if she took the keys as a security blanket, thinking she can come back here once things deteriorate where she's at. (She and the son-in-law with whom she's living have a volitile relationship at best and have had several major fights that have resulted in no contact for a year or more.)

 

Anyway, I don't plan on being taken advantage of anymore. Once I pack up her things, I may well give them to friends whose 30-something daugher is friendly with my ex. Initially, I had thought I wouldn't because I wanted my ex to have to face me combined with the fact that there's a packrat infestation in their garage where her things would be stored. Now I don't care.

 

I have no idea how I'll feel next week. I know I'll have down days periodically. I clearly know now that I'm not a great judge of character. I'll be much more cautious in future relationships. I don't see myself ever wanting to be friends with my ex, although I guess that could change. I really think that I'll never see her or hear from her again.