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Ive been with my GF for about a year and half. Im 25 and she's 29. I broke up with her early October. The reason i broke up with her in the first place is because i really felt pressure about having a life commitment to her and spending the rest of my life with her. then one day i was thinking about her and decide to call her (after about a month and a half). she seemed to be doing very well and she asked me if i wanted to meet her so i did. when i saw her i realised that i really missed her and told her what i missed about being together. its been about 2 weeks since this happened on a friday. during the weekend i was thinking about her so much. i was so sad that i made a terrible mistake and i wanted to call her back and tell her more about how i feel about her. She actually called me on Monday night and said that she was upset and she was thinking about me. this is when i told her that i wanted her back and that i loved her. the next day we had supper together and i just wanted to be near her and hug her and i really felt complete when i was doing this. kinda like what i lost was found. a few days later she called me and said that she was not sure about all this and wanted to give it time to know if this was the right thing for her and us. She wanted to give about 6 month between us. I wanted to respect her decison and agreed with her. the next few days i was really down and felt like i lost the one of my life. then later that same week on friday a week after i first saw her she called me and said she does not know if she can wait this long and invited me over to her place. we cook supper together and watched a movie and were really close to one another. i really felt happy again being with her, being next to her, touching her everything. that night we were just gonna sleep next to each other and not do anything (make love) but we ended up doing it and it was amazing. i was so happy being with her. the next moring we did it again and stayed in bed for so long holding each other and we finally left her place to have breakfast. when we got back we did it again and this time it was the best sex we have ever had together. probably the best i have ever had. we were like animals i swear. Durng this week we talk on the phone like we used to in the past but she is unsure about what she feels right now and what she wants to do.

ahhh this is so complecated. I really really do care alot for her. I havent been in too many relationships and this is my first relationship that has lasted so long. when we were going out everything was always great and never had a dull moment. we get a long and she is everything i would ever want in a long term relationship and for the future. My problem is that sometimes i really feel she is the one for me and sometimes i doubt myself. My parents espacially my mom thinks i am doing a terrible mistake and will regret it in the long run. even my moms side of the family. My grandma even said to me a few times did you find a new GF. it just hurts. she dosent realise it but that is a very mean thing to say. maybe cause she is Philipino and im Greek. but its not what she or they want its what i want. but they still has an influence on me. i dont know what to do im scared of losing her and never finding someone as amazing as she is ever again. and if we give time maybe i will feel the same way but she wont and vis versa. i could totally see myself with her and having a wonderful life. but i am worried if this is my emotions feeling this way and if these feeling will change over time. i really do care for her alot and i dont want to hurt her again. Even when i first broke up with her i was in so much pain and was sad. i just dont want to let go and lose her but uncertainty is a killa and im not sure if she is the one for me. i always pictured myself with someone else which is from my background before but this girl is amazing to me. i dont know what to do. even writing this im feeling emotional.


Any advice will be greatly appreciated


Thanks in advance



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It sounds like you are both confused, but yet you both have such strong feelings for each other.


She's not the girl you've always saw yourself with, you've always pictured being with someone from your own background. But you love her a lot and are obviously finding it difficult to be without her. To me, it sounds like you truly love her. What makes you doubt that you could be with her forever?


But if she's not what you really want, then maybe you will always have these doubts, and that's not good either.


I think she can sense your confusion, and she's afraid to get hurt again. So, of course she's not going to jump into anything and she will need time.


You have found someone who means a lot to you. You need to decide if that makes it worth staying around for. Until you can decide this, it's going to be confusing for you.. and it's going to confuse her.


Can I ask, what were the bad parts of the relationship?

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Well the main issue is she has excema and that has always played in my head. sometimes its really bad i cant even look at her, i dont even want to be seen with her. (This is when i was going out with her) this is one of the reasons i doubt and the rest of my family sees this but does not know the person inside. its not about the exterior, well maybe part of it but she is a wonderful person. i really feel good when im with her and i want her to feel confortable with herself and make her feel good about herself. i could live with it but i doubt myself and im worried these feeling will come back after like 2 months. its not right this way. and my family not helping my feelings does not help either. i know she will get better in time if i make her feel wanted, loved and appreciated. it gets bad when she stresses out. i want to help her become a better person and she already does the same to me. exceptance is so hard sometimes. other than that we never had problems. like i said she is great and probably if i knew i could find someone like her later on i would probably leave her but i dont know if i will. i still feel the pressure to commit but becuase of her age i feel she wants to know if this is it and i feel that from her and i dont wnat her to waste her time with me. i told her that im looking pass those insecurities of her and seeing the person she really is. but i dont know if im fooling myself. i dont want to get involded fearing this and hurting her again.

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I have a friend who is very much is your position! He is middle easters and she is korean, but the emotions are what are so similar. He 1st dumped her in late 2004 for very much the same reasons and he's been in a vicious cycle of being with her and breaking up with her till this very day. I try and help, but he is above taking anyone's advice outside of playing psychological games which don't work anyways.


One thing is for sure, if you get back together with her, your doubts will return. She has mega doubts about you too so the chances of you two having a successful relationship are nill anyways. If you wanna save yourself the hearache and wasted time, then separate yourself from her and both of you go your separate ways. In any case, this relationship is essentially over as she will one day find some other guy who she can be serious about.

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