i think i might break up with him

[JustYourAverageGirl]

ok i love my boyfriend, i honstly do, i've loved him since i was 14. we started dating a few months ago, but he sadly had to go to boot camp (he joined the air force) in the middle of september. for 2 1/2 months we were not able to talk. but during thanksgiving weekend he was able to call me because he was done with boot camp. the thing is, he is now stationed in texas, and i live in minnesota. we talked for a few nights out of thanksgiving week but after that he stoped calling. but he went online and we talked sometimes, he never IMed me though, i had to IM him, and i hate IMing people first. But we hardly talk anymore....and i really needed him a few nights ago and he wasent online and he didnt answer his phone. that was the first time that i realized that he wasent there for me. And that fact really saddens me, i love him and want to be with him, but im not getting the attention/support/comfort that i need. Now, im not a high maintance girl, but it does feel nice to be comforted every once in a while. He says he loves me and is coming to see me during christmas break, but still, im not sure what to do...

[Slacker]

It doesn't sound like he's really putting forward an honest effort... Have you brought it up to him? if not then you should make that a priority.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

I know how you feel. Support and comfort are great and when you suddenly realise that thats gone it hurts, alot. But you say you love him, he loves you. If it is love you can get through it. My advice is to wait and see him over the christmas holidays. See how you feel after seeing him. But obviously its your decision and if you think its time to break up then you have to.

[Hope75]

If you love him and want to work things out with him, how about waiting until he comes home on Christmas break and talking about it with him?

 

The military can be very demanding and he may just not be able to be there for you on a regular basis with the demands of his day... but that does not necessarily mean it's because he doesn't want to- just simply that he cannot.

 

I can understand that it's frustrating for you, and it's hard to go the distance and wait for someone while your needs are on hold. It's not a relationship that everyone can do. But it sounds as though you really care about him, so maybe before you throw in the towel, see him again and at least talk to him about how you are feeling. Perhaps you can work out some creative ways to support each other more... like letters with pictures and things like that.

 

What do you think?

[JustYourAverageGirl]

i was thinking about waiting until christmas to see how i felt, and i kno the force is demanding but for oracles sake! he gets online and doesnt IM me for like a half hour and then i IM him and its a 10 mintue conversation and then its nothing for like an hour and he gets offline. is it so hard to IM me and talk to me for about a half hour? and he could at least call me one day out of the week, even if its for 5 minutes.

[Hope75]

What else is he doing while online?

 

Is he emailing home to family and friends as well?

 

Checking news, etc?

 

Does he have limited time on the computer? Is it a shared computer with other guys?

 

These are some things that I would think about too.

 

Obviously you are very upset about this and perhaps you have already made the decision to end things with him and are just looking for validation of your decision. Of course, it is your life and your relationship and ultimately you will live with the consequences of you choice and no one else. So if breaking up with him is what you want to do-- of course we will be here to support you when it's over.

 

I just got the impression that you did not want to lose him over this, which is why I though perhaps you should look at the bigger picture and think about his other down-time activities that he may want or need to do besides IM'ing with you.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Thats true, maybe tell him that. Tell him how much you care and tell him how annoyed your getting. Maybe you can start a compromise or something. Then you guys could be happy...

[JustYourAverageGirl]

i dont want to lose him, i dont want to break up with him, but i dont want to feel like im alone and the only one working on this relationship. he doesnt have to share a computer, he doesnt have limited time. he has a tv in which to check news, most of his family dont have the internet and he usually calls them every other night. im hoping that seeing him over christmas will spark something and things will work out.

[chai714]

I support your decision to break up with him. It's what will be best for you. He can't give you the emotional support you need and the relationship seems all but abandoned. You're a young woman and have much, much bigger things to accomplish in life. It might initially hurt at first when you break up with him but it's what is best for you (and maybe even him). Good luck.

[bebecole]

my advice is get out of it while you can. if hes doing this now its not gona change. The military changes men inside and out into a differnt person.

from EXPERIENCE my ex was in the navy and we were together 2years in his enlistment and it got very messy. if hes not pulling his weight in the relationship its gona get WORSE when he goes on deployment. and yes he will be away at long periods of time. any where from 3-6months if not more at one time. You need to talk to him about your relationship and if its worth it to him.

[Buttermaker]

Hang in there, don't give up hope. If you truly love and care for him, then stick with him, even though things are tough. Too many people give up on relationships when things don't go perfect. Don't be one of them. If it bothers you, next time you do manage to talk to him, bring it up and see what he says.