Really need help!!

[mariemarie10]

Today i just feel like giving up! (i've had a hard time this week)

Last week me and my boyfriend broke up for no reason.. and we carried on txting.. nothing about getting back together.

Then on staurday night he kept txting me (but it was playing wiv my emotons) so i turned me phone off. He ends up kissing some other girl. he takes me out on sunday for a drive and tells me. he told me he felt guilt and upset. i respected him how he told me. he said he realised what we had!!but at the time being he couldnt have a relationship with me.. as hes confused. he said he loves me! and he wants us to be together. but he is confused.. not because of the kiss or anyfink.

 

Then monday night we spk and he was all off with me.. and said he dont want a realtionship.. so we ended on bad terms. me telling him i h8 him.. and him saying the same back. he said he couldnt be with me, beacuse he wants to go out clubbing more.. and wouldnt see me hardly!

it hurts.. we've been together 2years!!

Whys he doing this! i want him back!

 

 

we havent spoke since.. but he has told me he is going out clubbing on thursday and friday!!

[kadvati79]

me and my boyfriend broke up for no reason

 

Remember the tried and true saying: "It's called a breakup cause its broken!". Relationships don't spontaneously combust Maybe there was no specific reasons, but in fact, the reasons are not so important. What is important is that he decided that he was "confused" enough to push you away. Thats a pretty big risk he is taking, and its not a decision that he has made lightly. You offer a comfortable and secure option, which is probably why he is continuing to come back to you emotionally.

 

me telling him i h8 him.. and him saying the same back. he said he couldnt be with me, beacuse he wants to go out clubbing more.. and wouldnt see me hardly!

 

I doubt either of you hate each other, it was just the only way you could both express the frustration of the situation. Remember that the reasons are not important, the actions are. For whatever reason, he has decided that he doesn't want to be with you, its something he is decided and might not be based on many tangible feelings or decisions at all.

[mariemarie10]

i see what ur saying!

But we was both having a good month and everything. I do want him back.. last night before the conversation got heated. he did say he would like to remain mates. and i declined!

I have thought about it. i do want to be his mate. i do.

I want him apart of my life in some way, so i can still see his little brothers and that. I want him apart of my life still in a friendship way, as we've always helped each other out in situations.

I dont knw how to tell him i'd like to still be his friend.. i want to say it over the phone, but judging by last night, i'm worried he wont want to knw.

 

I'd like to still see him once or twice a month..

 

Maybe i'd like to still have a friendship out of it.

In some ways i do want him back, but knwoing he isnt ready for a relationship and doesnt want one.. then i knw he will still be apart of my life if we remain friends!

[jessicake]

I agree, couples don't break up for no reasons... but if you guys were so close for two years, i'm sure he still cares for you!

 

However, before you contact him, make sure you are in the right mind frame and that you can actually accept you guys to just be friends. Otherwise contacting him at all will probably be disastrous, much like your last meeting.

 

It seems that you both said somethings that you don't mean and perhaps its better to give it some time to settle before you rush into things. Maybe txt him to let him know that you didnt mean such harsh words but leave it at that so you can heal from the breakup before pursuing a friendship.

 

Remember that ultimately, only you can take care of yourself.

[mariemarie10]

i cant understand why he wants to go clubbing all the time, he said he cant have a relationship because he wants to go clubbing and be wiith his m8s.

 

So really he just felt tied down with me!

I hope that if i leave it, he'll realise.. but i'm more worried that he wants to go out on the pull¬¬

[kadvati79]

i cant understand why he wants to go clubbing all the time, he said he cant have a relationship because he wants to go clubbing and be wiith his m8s.

 

There is only one reason that can justify the statement "I can't have a relationship", and that is if someone is married. Otherwise, it is a choice. Its not that he can't have a relationship, its that he doesn't want one for whatever reason. When someone really wants something, they do what it takes to get it.

 

So really he just felt tied down with me!

I hope that if i leave it, he'll realise.. but i'm more worried that he wants to go out on the pull¬¬

 

The best advice I ever got on these forums was "when someone tells you they want to leave, open the door and let them walk out". Thats about all you can do. I'm a pretty reasonable dude. I will work through any situation, cheating, dishonesty, I judge every situation on its relative merits. But when someone walks away, you can't "work through" it.

 

Of course you want him back, he was a big part of your life for two years. But I would encourage you to spend time away from him, and not jump into being his friend. That comes later once the emotions have died away.

 

My ex broke up with me not far off a year ago, and I'm still upset in many ways. But it gets much better and my life is much happier now. But I had to learn to separate my feelings from what I actually wanted. I have barely seen him for about ten seconds in the year since we broke up, but the limited contact I have had and the incidental comments I have heard indicates that while he is "happy" of sorts with his current boyfriend, he really isn't entirely over me either. We both made a big impact on each others lives, and the emotional repercussions of that take years to go away. But just because there may be feelings there, it doesn't mean there is a workable relationship.

 

I think you're dealing with things pretty well, and pretty maturely. You're trying to think about things from his perspective, at the same time as recognizing how you feel and what you want. Thats a really good place to start. You no doubt normally have alot of energy, so i would put that to good use preparing yourself for your next relationship... whether that be back with him or with someone else.

[mariemarie10]

thankyou so much for your advice..

I at the moment cant be botherd with him, he's desision that he dont want me, or anything to do with me..apart from being friends.. Yes i'll be here for him! but i'm not going to be there all the time.

He can miss me.. (thats if he does) i do love him deeply. But i'm trying to be strong and not fall down..

I hope he realises i'm not some push over anymore.. i really do hope he does miss me! and i'll be there to tell him 'No'!!

even though i do want him back... he dont need to knw that tho

 

sounds harsh.. but he's put me through alot this year!

 

](*,)

[mariemarie10]

why is he doing this??

last night he txt me.. i reply 15mins later.. then he asks what im doing?

Then we get into a lil convo.. and then he asks a question about like wat the convo was about.. and he dont reply..whn i ask y?

 

he txt me saying?

does you phone work now?

(as are phones dint)

i reply saying

"yea, i cant understand why they havnt been working"

and he replys saying

"i dunoo either, what you up to?"

so i reply telling him

"been to pictures and wats he doin?"

and he asks

" he says he aint dun much and is in bed now, then he ask who did i go to the pictures with and how come i got so much money lol"

so i say

"i won the lottery"

he replies

"k"

then he says

"he aint feeling well"

i say

"hope u feel better soon, u should try going to sleep.. i have to go to a funeral friday"

he replies saying

"whos?"

so i tell him

he says

"how's he die"

so i explain

and then he says

"how old was e?"

i reply telling him

and ask y?

but he never replied.......

 

What do i do?

 

I knw this aint him wanting me back.. by after him saying we ar over.. and that we will remain mates..

should i leave it if he txts me again.. as i wont him to realise, i'm gone!

[mariemarie10]

i am well missing him today!!

I really hope he wants me back.. next time he txt's me shall i not txt back.. i want him to realise.. i'm not there antmore.. then hopefully he'll wnt me bck

[finewhine]

You may want him back. I understand that. However, it's in your best interest to get to the point where you don't.

 

If this means asking him not to text you, then do it.

 

The best advice I ever got was from a friend of mine. When I was crying over something my ex said to me, she got really upset with me all of a sudden and told me she was mad at me. She said, "Finewhine, it makes me angry to see a wonderful person like you act like a puppet on a string. Whenever your ex pulls, you jump. You're not in that relationship anymore, and you don't need to react to anything he says or does."

 

Take that to heart. You're your own person now.

[mariemarie10]

so when he txts shall i not reply?

I want him to realise what hes missing!

is he more likely to knw wht he's missing if i dont txt back!

[finewhine]

Exactly! When he texts, don't reply. He'll know what he's missing. As the song goes, "How can I miss you if you don't go away?"

 

This is NOT to get him back, mind you. It's for YOU so that YOU can heal.

[mariemarie10]

i'm meetin him today

[mariemarie10]

i saw him, went well at the beginning.. then went very wrong!

he said he dont hate me, he loves me.. but doesnt want a relationship.. he wants to be single..

which i'm gonna respect.. it really did hurt!

so i told him, i wont get in contact ever again...

Its weird right..

 

Our mates broke up in september, they we're together 2years.. our mate sean cheated on her, he wanted to be single and have a laugh with his mates.. go out clubbing and do the boy thing (as he put it) he was seeing the girl he cheated on with for 2months.. they broke up (but in that time sean was going down hill.. not bothering with anything or anyone)

Since he broke up with the girl he cheated on.. he wants his life back..he has been texting his ex girlfriend (they had been kinder txting whn he was with the other girl.. but nothing nice or anything).

He says "he wants her back in his life" and he reall does love and miss her.. they are starting to see each other on a regular basis.. and this friday they are planning to see one another..

 

while on the other hand me and liam have broke up for the same reasons (i cant help hoping it will happened to us) I really do want it to..

the thing thats diffrent with liam and sean.. is liam doesnt have as many friends as sean.. liam will go around his sisters everynight.. and at the weekends want to go clubbing (liam will bound to get bored of seeing his sisters all the time, liam gets bored easily).

The only problem is, sean doesnt want to go clubbing as much as he wants his ex girlfriend back, and is trying to prove it to her (which i thinks a big thing,.) and then that means liam he only has 2 other people to go out with, his sisters and his other friend..(who he doesnt see as often, although he proply see abit more now).

 

I just hope if i dont contact liam, he'll realise just like sean did.. it took sean 3months to realise..

Although in that time, i'm going to try and move on..

 

what does anyone else sujest?

[mariemarie10]

he ended up txting tonight, to ask if i got a txt saying that my phone will be cut off! as mine and his phone got cut off last week.. i phoned him and asked him bout it.. and i said i dint get a txt.

Then we both said bye..

[MsNevabdasame]

confused! i defintely believe thats what he is.. maybe he just needs time for himself to get his mind right and see what he really wants just in general it .. it could even be maybe hes unsure of your relationship together and just wants to explore and see whats really out there if your really the one for him.. give him time.. i know your going to be going threw so many diffrent emotions especially being that you guys were involved for two years but keep your head above waters..when he does come around just communicate be civil towards one another and see where you guys stand.. hope you get a positive outcome..

[mariemarie10]

thats what i've been told, hes confused! he doesnt want a relationship.. but then he says he dont knw.

I'm going to try my hardest not to phone or txt. and let him find out

[FRISCO]

sorry for your situation....I understand you.

Just be strong and stick to your commitments otherwise it becomes a game.

good lack!

[mariemarie10]

hiya!

If anythink cant get any worse.. Liams phone has been cut off, meaning he cant contact me (if he eva wanted to) and i cant contact him

 

I spoke to his step mum today, about the presents for his little brothers and arrange a day for me to come around with them. I mentioned that me and liam arnt together and she hardly knws anythink about it.

She did say "hopefully you to work things out" and we had a long chat..

[mariemarie10]

I'm hating it.. Me and my ex cant get into contact..well i wont be able to contact him.. his phones been cut off..and the numbrs cancelled..

His step mum told me..

I'm hating this.. i want him bak!

[mariemarie10]

although people are telling me we will be back together.. there sayin that coz

 

he usualy txts me saying "what are you up to" and then now he cant// he's gonna have it playing on his mind!