shikashika Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 ok... many of you have listened to me harp on about my ex over the past couple of months. Now... I see him every week or so... we work near each other (NOT at the same place) but end up seeing each other because of that and also at the gym.... and have had very brief conversations. he broke up with me suddenly about 4 months ago and I was shocked beyond belief. Didn't contact him at all for 6 weeks then would talk briefly when I saw him. A week or so ago I mentioned I'd be going on a snowboard trip. Well today, out of the blue, FIRST time he contacts me since the breakup (we've talked, he never initiated contacting me) and asks 'So should I come with you on your trip?" what the heck?!?!?!? I said, 'well you can buy a ticket'.. I can't very well say no... I'm going on a bus too. but then he asks..' are you going alone?" I told him I was going with a friend... and then he wonders if he should come.. I'm going with a male friend... but ALSO found out through the grapevine that this 'friend' was /is interested in me.... and I'm NOT interested at all... I had no idea so I'm going to end up on a bus with my ex and a guy who likes me?!? That aside... Why does the ex does this? ugh.. of course I want to believe he thinks he made a mistake, is sorry.. and just feels sooo bad about what he did that he can't talk to me properly..etc etc etc ha! I know.... I know.. but in all seriousness... what the heck? he doesn't talk to me for months then all of a sudden wants to go away on a weekend trip with me... does he not want to ease his way back in and spend an hour on coffee or something.. Exes...](*,) ](*,) Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I think that he was just teasing you, I don't think he was being serious. Kind of like when someone here announces they are graduating or getting married, and we say, "Our invite is in the mail, right?" I wouldn't read deeply into that. besides, why would you take a trip with an ex who broke up with you suddenly months ago? Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 I think that he was just teasing you, I don't think he was being serious. Kind of like when someone here announces they are graduating or getting married, and we say, "Our invite is in the mail, right?" I wouldn't read deeply into that. besides, why would you take a trip with an ex who broke up with you suddenly months ago? uh no.. I just found out he bought his ticket.. and is going to be on the bus with me and my friend.. It was HIM who brought it up not me.. I couldn't very well tell him not to... he just said he was coming! Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Shika, this is very strange indeed! So is he planning to hang out w/ you and your friend OR is he simply going to the same place to snowboard? Also, do YOU want to get back together w/ him if he brings it up?? Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Shika, this is very strange indeed! So is he planning to hang out w/ you and your friend OR is he simply going to the same place to snowboard? Also, do YOU want to get back together w/ him if he brings it up?? I don't know if I want to get back together with him anymore... Yeah he wants to snowboard....but he has a friend who he works with who can get him a FREE TICKET and LIFT TICKET who goes EVERY weekend.. and I said, "Why don't you go with your friend John.. he goes every weekend and you can go for free with him" and he said" I don't want to go with John... then I'll have to talk to him for the whole day' Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Hmm... I can't decide if he's bring rude or if he's trying to get back together w/ you If you are okay with hanging out w/ him, I suppose there's no real problem but I do think it odd that he would have kinda invited himself like that, fully knowing that it may make you feel uncomfortable? Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 oh no, no, no! he may be messing with your head... does he know this other guy is going, or could he have found this out by talking to someone else you know? maybe he just wants to throw a curve into a new potential relationship you might be starting up with another guy... residual jealousy or possessiveness... some jerky guys only get interested in an ex when they know someone else might be taking their place... and as soon as he has bumped the other guy out of the picture, he disappears again on you too... it is TOTALLY inappropriate of him to try to invite himself on a weekend trip with you when you haven't even met for coffee or discussed the status of your friendship/relationship/breakup etc. i would be very suspicious of his motivation for inviting himself on this trip... so tell him you want to go to coffee with him to discuss what he means by this... and DON'T take him on the trip... go with the other guy, and tell the ex that if he wants to DATE you you can go out to dinner AFTER the trip... and btw, you CAN very well say no... you don't have to tell him he can come along just because he wants to! you're no longer in a relationship, so he doesn't have the right to barge into your life anytime he feels like it. and you probably need to clarify to the other guy that you are not interested in him romantically before you take a weekend trip with him... some guys think that means you are agreeing to more than snowboarding... never too late to cancel the trip if it looks like a disaster in the making... Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Hmm... I can't decide if he's bring rude or if he's trying to get back together w/ you If you are okay with hanging out w/ him, I suppose there's no real problem but I do think it odd that he would have kinda invited himself like that, fully knowing that it may make you feel uncomfortable? thats just it... if he was just looking for a quickie or trying to use me... why wouldn't he just try and ask me out for a drink or a movie? instead he wants to go away on a trip.. that would be over 100$ cheaper if he went with his friend.. who goes every weekend.. What can I do... he called and asked if I was going...I said yeah.. with a friend... there is nothing that can stop him from going to buy a ticket.. its a public bus... Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Hey Shika, if you don't think you want to get back together w/ him, then I suppose you can be courteous to him but I would totally focus on having fun w/ your friend! If he wants to bring up getting back together again, you may want to hear him out and decide what you want to do, based on what he says. If he does NOT tell you what you deserve to hear -- sincere apologies, reasons for the previous breakup, full commitment to making things work again b/t you two -- then I think it may be best to disregard what he says bc if he does NOT tell you what you deserve to hear, he may have just come along bc he was jealous and was trying to dampen your fun snowboarding trip w/ your friend? Just my two cents worth ... Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Hey Shika, if you don't think you want to get back together w/ him, then I suppose you can be courteous to him but I would totally focus on having fun w/ your friend! If he wants to bring up getting back together again, you may want to hear him out and decide what you want to do, based on what he says. If he does NOT tell you what you deserve to hear -- sincere apologies, reasons for the previous breakup, full commitment to making things work again b/t you two -- then I think it may be best to disregard what he says bc if he does NOT tell you what you deserve to hear, he may have just come along bc he was jealous and was trying to dampen your fun snowboarding trip w/ your friend? Just my two cents worth ... ha... funny you mention this Ellie... I just got another email from him asking me " so, shikashika is this friend of yours into you?" ba!! why would he ask me that??? then he said, ' I don't know... I would think that if a guy wanted to go snowboarding with you that would mean he was into you" help!!! Was he trying to tell me something??? Link to comment
laboheme Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 some jerky guys only get interested in an ex when they know someone else might be taking their place... and as soon as he has bumped the other guy out of the picture, he disappears again on you too... Ooh, beware of this situation. It would be a disaster if he came along, made sure that your friend wasn't going to make any moves on you, and then left. I understand that you're not interested in your friend like that and might even welcome the "protection" from unwanted flirting, but your ex could very well be regarding the situation the way BeStrongBeHappy described. I'm being extremely pessimistic here, but if one day you find yourself going on a trip with a guy whom you actually like, your ex might try to pull the same thing to prevent you from finding happiness...So watch out for that. Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Hey Shika, I agree w/ Laboheme and BeStrongBeHappy. I would be wary of your ex's intentions but I would not let that spoil my fun either! After all, you planned this trip w. your friend to have a FUN weekend!!! From his email, IMO, he's jealous. BUT as Laboheme points out, I do not know if this is going to end at jealousy or if THIS is what was needed to jolt him back to his senses?? Shika, i know what happened w/ this ex is a rather tender issue w/ you still ... but I also know that you've got the inner strength not to let this guy play w/ your head and your emotions like this! If you are CERTAIN that you do not want to get back together w/ your ex, then focus on having fun w/ your friend (while being friendly to your ex too, of course ) and I am sure he will get the message ... Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 My ex actually asked me BEFORE he knew I was going with this other friend of mine...(whom he doesn't know)... he did think I was going alone... Actually now that he has bought his ticket he has just im'd me saying... I don't know if i can go now... and was asking me 'so is this friend into you?" and as I said... my ex said "I think this guy is into you.. if a guy wants to go snowboarding with a girl, it means he's into her' well.. my ex wanted to go snowboarding with me..... so what does that mean? Then, my ex said, ... forget I mentioned about that guy friend of your possibly liking you... so...my ex did NOT know that I woudl be snowboarding with a GUY friend Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Wow, Shika, i totally misread the situation! Sorry about that hmm... curiouser and curiouser ... Shika, if I may ask: how good a friends are you guys right now? Do you think he might think YOU are interested in this friend as well and as a courtesy to you is trying to back off?? Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Wow, Shika, i totally misread the situation! Sorry about that hmm... curiouser and curiouser ... Shika, if I may ask: how good a friends are you guys right now? Do you think he might think YOU are interested in this friend as well and as a courtesy to you is trying to back off?? I'm not friends with the ex at all. we speak civily when we see each other thats it!! no actually... I know at one point this friend of mine (whom i've planned the trip with) did kind of like me... but I have never wanted more than that Link to comment
Juha Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 WOW!!! Shika, you go girl, guys are just tripping all over you... Ok seriously, your ex, you already know how he is and what he is... Don't be confused by his actions now, they are nothing different from what he did earlier... He is immature, maybe he is missing you or having second thoughts but has he done anything to communicate this??? He could miss you... He could be lonely... He may wonder why you never contact him... You don't know, maybe ask him to lunch and talk with him about what he wants all of a sudden... He may be unsure of himself after he dumped you and may want back in but does not know how to do it... Think first for you though if that is the case... I know you like him and have feelings for him but do you really want all the drama and immaturity that goes along with him??? Now your friend... Did he say anything or give off any signals that he was interested in you??? He may still be... Who asked who to go on this trip??? You may have to talk with him also and get what he wants out into the open and make sure he knows that you are not interested in him as more than a friend... Oh and Shika would you like to go snowboarding with me sometime??? Link to comment
Rocktashot Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 he sounds like he's just messing with yeah... just tell him you have plans when you and you wouldnt have time to hang out but if you can manage to go some maybe i'll run in to you.. Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 he sounds like he's just messing with yeah... just tell him you have plans when you and you wouldnt have time to hang out but if you can manage to go some maybe i'll run in to you.. he's booked a ticket to go on the same bus as me!!! why would one go out of their way to 'mess' this way.. wouldn't it just take less time to call them or go out for a coffee???!!! Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 6, 2006 Author Share Posted December 6, 2006 I know Juha, I would have a very hard time going back to someone who dumped me and acted as he did in such an immture way... I guess I will see him on the hill ... and in the bus! going back to him is like going back to a cheater... even though he didn't! My brother and my friends say the same thing.... why on earth would I want someone so immature!! unfortunately these stupid things called emotions get in the way of logic! ](*,) this other friend... well he is more of a good aquaintance... sort of a family friend too... We too go to the same gym... and I was mentioning to him about going to the mountains before Christmas... I have been snowboarding with this other friend before but in a bigger group of people. I actually found out through the grapevine that this friend of mine liked , but the source is not that reputable.... i have NEVER given him any idea that I like him... we aren't the kind of friends who call each other... but see each other quite frequently at mutual friends gatherings. I'll go snowboarding with you anyone else want to come on this trip.. the more the merrier.. ha ha! Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Hey Shika! I think you will be fine as it is clear from your post that you have little intent to get back together with the ex. Have fun and be safe on the slopes! Link to comment
Juha Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Shika, I am there when and where... I am sure you are such a snow bunny... Oh, I know all about emotions messing with you... Trust your instinct/gut... Yeah, just go and enjoy yourself, if the ex is invading your space more than you want him to let him know it... If the "friend" tries to be more than a friend let him know it also... Maybe you would be better off going alone... You might meet someone there but with these guys hanging all over you that probably won't have a chance of happening... Link to comment
Rocktashot Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 he's booked a ticket to go on the same bus as me!!! why would one go out of their way to 'mess' this way.. wouldn't it just take less time to call them or go out for a coffee???!!! ok thats weird ... Link to comment
shikashika Posted December 7, 2006 Author Share Posted December 7, 2006 ok thats weird ... not only did he book a ticket to go on the bus with me... on the same day... but he has a friend who could get him the bus/lift ticket for free!! so I asked him why he didn't go with his friend... and just said, he didn't want to go with him.. ahh! Link to comment
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