AnotherBrokenDoll Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 OMG! No one will leave me alone! My solo journals had to be deleted because i thought my friend was reading them now i find out she wasn't but one of my old youth leaders has been asking about me and so they are gonna discuss my depression and self harm and eating habbits i bet to. Why can't anyone mind their own business? I mean she ain't my best friend and she ain't my boyfriend. I've done my best to act happy around those people for a reason. I don't need them asking questions. If i need help then i'll ask. But guess what i don't want help with self harm right now. I kinda need it and as for not eating and throwing up i have freaking control over it. I know this sounds really selfish and stuff but seriously if i wanted help then i would ask. And espeacially not from this person. I just hope she doesn't find out i'm bi thats exactly what i'd need. I mean i'm damn proud of it. I wouldn't change it but some people don't accept it thats all. And ahhh i dunno... I'm so stressed about everything. Sorry there isn't really a purpose in this i just needed to get it out... Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Rozi, vent away! By the bye, couldn't you have moved your journal to the private journal forum? It's a shame that your journal had to be deleted Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 i didn't think about that until i had deleted it all... It was the only thing that i could vent on each day to... Oh well. Ahhh i just want people to see person i am behind the freaking depression. No one sees that person. Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 I hear ya! I know it's not healthy to bottle things up but I don't like to tell people too much about my depression bc even though I know they mean well and do so out of love and concern for me, I do NOT want to be reduced to a *problem* for them to solve, y'know?! Hang in there Rozi! Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 Thats just it i don't think i want to anymore... Im sick of hurting people and getting hurt... Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 Hey Rozi, don't be so hard on yourself! You do know that you bring a lot of light into people's lives, dontcha? I for one really love reading your poems! Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 5, 2006 Share Posted December 5, 2006 if you want more anonymity, you should take down your photo, and perhaps change your location and age slightly, so as to throw people off. don't post identifying details about yourself. Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted December 5, 2006 Author Share Posted December 5, 2006 It doesn't matter now. Thanks ellie2006, but i hate most of my recent poems... I've lost my talent in everything i used to be ok at... I just don't know anymore. Link to comment
NKP Posted December 6, 2006 Share Posted December 6, 2006 Hey no youhavent at all lost your talent. Dont throw your life away hun, your a great young caring, loving, beautiful young woman. No matter what you do you will always get hurt you just get strong and learn to be able to move on. You will feel better soon, i really want you too, i hate seeing you down. They are only trying to help you and they probely wont stop trying until you get help because they really care about you, i know its hard for you to see right now though. But if you get help you will make them so proud off you for doing so, i for one would be proud of you. Get help when your ready too, but please for your own sake dont leave it too long or you will just keep getting worse. Take care, Kita Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted December 7, 2006 Author Share Posted December 7, 2006 Thanks so much kita. Well actually they don't care at all and they do NOT understand. Seriously they said i was proboly just looking for attention and thats not my style, i'll act like a monkey for attention not freaking cut myself! Then said if i don't stop its the end of our friendshoip, swore at me and said all i do is think about myself and not the people who care. So yeah... I dunno anymore bout help though darl, i've put off seeing my counsellor til next year and i'm now pissed at two of my old closest mates. Everything keeps screwing up and i can't seem to do a thing to stop it. Link to comment
NKP Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Yeah your right they dont understand why your hurting yourself like this alot of people dont understand and never will. I know for a fact you dont only care about yourself so they are wrong okay. life is hard right now but things will change and inprove i promise, just hold on and never give up okay. Okay so next year your going to go back and get help thats great, but please when ever your down or feeling like crap dont hold it in talk to us all here Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted December 8, 2006 Author Share Posted December 8, 2006 I just don't know anymore. The only person who really knows me lives in another country and we've never met which is why he don't see me as this lil depressed kid. My bf doesnt seem to care at ALL about me anymore. The feelings i have for a girl are getting stronger not weaker and its all going crazy. On the plus side i don't think that girl hates me anymore, she was talking to me today so... I dunno heres hoping huh. Link to comment
NKP Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Then break up with your bf and have a break til you feel better. Or if you want tell this girl how you feel, your beauitful so she will be crazy not to like you Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted December 8, 2006 Author Share Posted December 8, 2006 See thats why i'm confused cuz i like him. I do but i'm just not sure how much anymore. I can't dump him though cuz he said if we break up we can't go out again... i don't want that... What if i'm making a mistake and i can't tell her how i feel she don't feel the same. I know that... I dunno though i'm so damn confused, so upset. And i'm not beautiful. I'm a disgrace. No one would feel that way no one... Link to comment
NKP Posted December 8, 2006 Share Posted December 8, 2006 Then stay with him until you know how you feel. And no your NOT a disgrace, you are beautiful you really are Link to comment
Cutting_deeper Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Rozi maybe you should start talking to someone thoughts of suicide are never good and shopuld not be welcomed. Be strong dear. Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 No my family even says i'm not. I'm me boring predictable me. Stupid depressed me. Ugly and pathetic me!! I hate this i really hate it. Link to comment
NKP Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 No you are beautiful, you have your whole life to live for, life does suck at times but things do improve hun. Alot of people are or have been depressed, one in three people you walk past on the streets will be on anti depressions, so your not alone on this. Are you taken any anti depressions? Alot of people care about you, i do, and i dont like seeing you down, i just wish i could hold you and make your probelms go away Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted December 9, 2006 Author Share Posted December 9, 2006 No i'm not on anti depressants... I couldn't bare the idea of the family finding out. It doesn't matter anyway. I'm hopeless and i always will be. Sorry for moping. I feel stupid for it, but i can't help it these self hating feelings wont go away. Please don't say you care... Words like that, they've been said to many times. They mean nothing to me now, nothing. Link to comment
NKP Posted December 9, 2006 Share Posted December 9, 2006 Hey Rozi i do care i wouldny say it if i didnt mean it and i wouldnt lie to you. Dont be sorry, they will sty wih you until you get help, so please get help for yourself. You wont alway be hopeless, things will get better, you know how i was in the past but i got better plus i am on anti depressions, they do really work, you should take them, let you family know let them help you Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted December 10, 2006 Author Share Posted December 10, 2006 My family aren't the supportive type. They yelled at me when i mentioned going to counselling. They said i don't have any "proper" problems and i'm just being stupid. They just don't understand. They think all i need is anger management. Telling them would proboly get me kicked out of my house. And i don't have any where else to go until i'm 16. Link to comment
NKP Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 WOW im sorry your rents are like that, they just dont understand what you are going throw. If you ever need to talk i am always here ( proberly not that much help anyway). I just hate seeing you hurting, i wish i could do something to make all your pain go away i really do Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Rozi, I am sorry to hear of your troubles ... Can you get counseling through your school?? Link to comment
NKP Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Rozi, I am sorry to hear of your troubles ... Can you get counseling through your school?? School is now over, here in aussie land Link to comment
Ellie2006 Posted December 10, 2006 Share Posted December 10, 2006 Oops sorry ... wasn't aware of that ... Hmm. L&B, can you think of somewhere that Rozi can find someone to talk to, other than at ENA, of course ... Link to comment
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