Having a hard time

[ironpumper]

Hey y'all, just to let y'all know, I find your insight and advice on this forum very very helpful. I wish I'd found out about this forum 4 years ago! I feel SO HARD and DEEPLY in love, and still am. I'm trying NC, but I still try to see her briefly-she works at a mall and I tend to walk by the store or watch her from the second level-I know-creepy stalker guy. I HATE when I do that, but I miss her so much and just want to see her SO BAD!

 

Anyway, I take it day by day, I'm getting better I think, thanks to reading y'alls posts. I get these urges to call her or go in the store, but I come here and regain my sanity. There's LOT to our story, WAY too long to tell ya'll about, but suffice it to say, it's been a real roller coaster for us both. I just don't want to quit, or give up because I just simply believe in us SO MUCH, I KNOW without a doubt we're meant to be. It's just something I know, way deep in my heart.

 

She's so much younger than I am-I'm 48, she's turning 30 in a couple of weeks-It always sort of bothered me about the age gap, but she never mentioned it. We've gone out a couple of times and talked a LOT, but she just seems afraid of being in a relationship at all. She's very independent and sort of a loner, and so am I..

 

At any rate, I could go on for hours. I'm just really having a hard time with no contact. I tried this before, sort of. I'd still see her at the mall, and she'd walk by me a lot when I went to lunch. Just look at me with those dark eyes, holding her glance, her expression blank..there's always been a 'connection' between us..it's hard to explain. I can be 500 feet away from her in a crowded mall and she'll step outside the store and our eyes will lock. Not once or twice, but every time. It's like she has an 'intuition' about me.

 

Whoa! I suppose I'm getting carried away, starting to write a novel here! Sorry, I just know y'all understand what I'm going through and I'm looking for some understanding and support I guess. I can't tell anybody about this, I get the same thing y'all get-"plenty of fish in the sea", etc.

 

It's been 4 1/2 years-hoping against hope, up and down, sweet and sour, struggling, hoping, praying..I know I should let go, HAVE to let go, I just can't though, no way..it's just something inside me, driving me on, telling me to 'just be patient'..

 

So I hope y'all see how much this forum means..I still hold out hope, and pray that she'll miss me, think about me and us. I know that it may never happen, but I can believe and have faith that it will. Meanwhile, I'll just keep on keeping on...I'll need to come here a lot, and I need y'all to help me out with this, especially this time of year. I love her so much....

Thanks y'all...

[SuperDave71]

ironpumper,

 

STAY OUT OF THE MALL!!

 

You are NOT helping yourself. And yes, I have to agree that is stalker behavior. NC is best for you. The hard part is sticking to it.

 

Stay away from her.....let common sense be your guide. You are stoppin your world to be part of hers...NOW CUT IT OUT!!

 

 

SOMEBODY GRAB THE DUCT TAPE....WE ARE TAPING IRONPUMPER TO HIS CHAIR!!!

 

 

 

Your friend,

 

 

SuperDave71

[laboheme]

Ooh, can I decorate the duct tape with sparkles?

 

The most important lesson to be learned from a breakup is that you need to be able to get by on your own. If you get a grip on your own life, you'll be prepared for whatever comes at you -- whether it's the ex, a new woman, or blissful singledom.

 

Not only is your behavior stalkerish, but you're stroking her ego by constantly letting her know that you're there and still thinking of her. What a shock it will be to her if you don't show up at the mall for a week...a month...a few months...Two possibilities here, she'll either be relieved (in which case your visits would have been fruitless anyway), or she'll start wondering why all of a sudden she doesn't get that intuitive feeling that you're 500 ft away from her (though don't hope for that). And at any rate, at this time you're probably better off avoiding malls in general -- all the couples who are out shopping during the holiday season can be more than a little frustrating for the single person.

 

And you say it's been 4 years with no hope of reconciliation? I hate to say this, but...you can probably finish the sentence yourself.

 

Perhaps you should ignore the fact that it's been so long and treat it the way you would a recent breakup. There are plenty of threads on here that give ideas for how to stay busy and start to enjoy life again after a breakup. Have you looked at those?

[ironpumper]

SPARKLES!!!!! (gulp)

 

Well-I'm trying. My gym is at the mall she works at. It's outside the mall though, and I don't go over where her store is. I've thought about cancelling my membership but I have friends there, and the gym works perfectly for me. Like I say, I think I'm doing better, thanks to y'all. I'll STAY AWAY SuperDave-No masking tape needed ( I hope). laboheme, you're right about the ego thing, she loves it when I pay attention to her. IF I talk to someone else in the store, she HAS to come over and interrupt or join in.

 

Anyway, I'll heed y'alls advice, she knows where I am, she can come find ME for once...I'm gonna go pump some iron.....

[SuperDave71]

I SAID DUCT TAPE...NOT masking TAPE!!!!

 

 

ha ha ha ha...you know....THE STRONG STUFF!!!

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71