HELP 3 years and three months

[sadmike]

my gf (18)and i(19) were dating for 3 years and three months and everything seemed great like all couple we had ups and downs but overall we really were best friends and loved each other . over the summer we lived together and everything was great at the end of the summer we each went back to our parents house because the summer house was only for the summer. in sept things started changing like instead of seeing each other and talking regularly we only talked maybe 10 mins a week. this really bothered me so when i brought it up she told me everything would change. but nothing did so i was angry and when we would see each other i would be angry for the first 30mins or so than just being with her would put me in a better mood. things started to get better. than all of the sudden she tells me that she wants to go away for college to a school about 9 hours away. i got mad about this, not because i didnt want her to go to college but for the fact that we had plans to get married in about 16months and she was going to stay local (we have about 4 GREAt schools around here) so we could get a place together and i make enough to support us and the main reason it got me mad was that ever since i was a kid i wanted to join the marines during the time i was going to enlist she and i talked about it and came to the agreement that i wouldnt go in the marines and she wouldnt go far away for college. so we talked about it and she said ok ill stay local and she didnt seem upset about it at all. a few days pass and we are on the phone and see says "do you think we have been talking enough lately" (because of the previous problem) and said "yea hun everythings great" and then she said to me "good cuz i really want you to be happy" at that moment my heart melted and i was thought to my self " i have the best gf in the world". than the next day i was at work and she called my cell and said when are you going to be home so i said in a few mins in punching out now why what is wrong and she said........we need to talk and then told me she wants to break up because i have been in a bad mood lately and she feels like i am trying to hold her back, i tried to explain that i didnt want to hold her back at all that i love her and i want her to be happy. so she dumps me but says that she still loves me and hopes we have a future together. so about two weeks pass and we have talked a few times then yesterday she came over to my house to see me (and get some of her stuff back) and things werent like they used to be but they seemed like she was starting to want me back so i was happy. than we were sitting watching tv and her phone was on the couch and i said "what time is it" and reached for her phone and she lunged at it so i couldnt get, that made me very suspicious but i didnt say anything. a few hours later she fell asleep watching tv and i take her phone (i know i shouldnt have done this but i had to know) and checked in text messages and there were over 20 to the same guy and from reading them i could tell something happened because the said things like "i dont want to be just another ho" and stuff like that so i wake her up and i ask her has she done anything with any guys since we broke up she said "well im not gonna lie there is a guy i like" so i said the guys name that all the messages were to and she said yea so i said did you do anything with him and she said "i kissed him...well we made out" and i got mad (but didnt show it) and told her that we had an agreement not to do anything with anyone else until we knew whether or not we really wanted to be together . and then she got mad at me and was like " (sarcasim)i love it(sarcasim) i cant even have a relationship outside of you with out you getting mad" and i said ofcourse im gonna get mad if you screw around with some guy while you tell me that you still love me and want a future with me. and then i said "if we get back together i dont think it is smart for you to still hang out with him" and she says" i am still gonna hang out with him because he is my friend and besides he dosent want a relationship and neither do i after he saw what you did to me" that when i found out that she was confiding with and telling everyone about our break up waaaay before i even knew we had a problem. so we talked for a few more minutes than i go out to her car with her and we are sitting there and i said " i dont think we will ever be togother again but no matter what happens no that i loved you from the very beginning and that even though we cant be anymore i will always love you for the 3 years that we were together, and no matter what you do in life all ways respect yourself and do what you have to do to make yourself happy" than she said something similar i leaned over and gave her one last kiss and got out of the car an suddenly i was overcome with emotion (saddness and anger) and as i passed my own car hit it with my hand (not hard but hard enought to dent it but im 6'2 250. i know that was DUMB ) and as soon as i did that i thought "man that was stupid" so i turned around to say im sorry for doing that and she is crying still and drives off. maybe she thought i was going nuts but when i turned around i wasnt screaming or running towards her car i wasnt even going to walk over there i was going to apologize from where i was but i didnt get the chance. i know i was way out of line doing that and it was a stupid thing to do. so i go in the house and few minutes later she calls me and asks me a dumb question (we went out to luch that day and she didnt eat all hers so we got it wrapped to go) "is the food in my car?" i said yes and then i said " im sorry that you had to see that, that was a foolish thing for me to do i lost my temper for a second and i know that is no excuse but i wanted to say im sorry and that when i turned around it was to apologize not to hurt you or anything like that and like i said a earlier i really do want you to be happy" and i said all this very calmly and she starts screaming at me "you want me to be happy but you get so mad that hit your car and put dent in it your a f-ing psycho!" so again i told her i lost my patience and i was sorry and that it was a split second thing and that i know it was dumb and i really am sorry (on a side note: i am not a violent person i have never hit a person or even been in a fight and in the 3 years we were dating i can honestly say that i never hit her, screamed at her or tried to play head games) she calmed down and said that she couldnt talk to me right then and that she will call in a few days.

 

after she left i started thinking about it and if she does want to get back together in dont think i could take her back, after she broke up with me with out even letting me say what i had to say than right after (literally) we break up she goes and makes out with another guy. and by the way she was talking to me it was like.. i want to go out and do whatever i want with whoever i want and maybe in a month or a year or three years we'll get back together maybe. and i told her yesterday i cant play second place or back up.

by the way we started dating when we were young and we were each others first everything so to know she made out with another guy hurts, now when i think about her its like she tainted.

but know i am crushed because my heart would do anything to get her back but my brain says kick her to the curb. and i wish nothing happened with the other guy because now all i do is think about what they are doing now and if they slept together and i try not to but it still happens and i am misreable. and what makes it worse is that i only have a few friends and one is married and the other just bought a house so he works all the time to pay for it so i dont really have anybody here for me or a social web to go out and meet new people or new girls and i am hurting so bad with nobody to talk to

my head is all screwed up and i dont know what to do... ](*,)

 

any advice would be greatly appreciated

[kellbell]

Hey Sadmike,

 

Welcome to eNotAlone. Can you please break up your post into paragraphs? it is impossible to read like that, all in one paragraph, plus you will get more responses if you break it up a bit. Thank you.

[candy604]

sorry to hear what has happened to you mike. But your only 19, have so much to look forward in life, don't think about marriage right now. Get your career of the ground ( go to the marines if that is what ur dream is to do). Just don't do anything stupid while u've broken up ( i.e, sleep around or drink/drugs). Rather just think it as a time for you and for you to be independent and see what else is out there. Build up ur hobbies, call up old friends or make new friends. Just be the best! You said this is ur first gf, it'll be hard to let go but we all hafta go through it sometime.

 

Your ex-gf doesn't sound mature, she needs some growing up to do and you don't deserve to be treated unfairly when u haven't done anything to deserve her treatment.

[jessicake]

your girlfriend is only 19 and i think most girls who are at that age are not looking for commitment. they want to know whats out there before settling down. she seems quite insecure and tends to victimise herself, thus she still has quite a bit of growing up..

 

she says" i am still gonna hang out with him because he is my friend and besides he dosent want a relationship and neither do i after he saw what you did to me"

 

what did you do to her?

 

force yourself to go out and make new friends. go join the marines, do whatever makes you happy because in the first time in 3 years, you can do what you want rather than worry about your girlfriend all the time. not that its a burden, but think of this time as freedom. go to college, further your career. Make goals.

 

good luck