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"girly" stuff??


mermaid44
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Do guys mind when girls talk about emotional situations? Do they think about them too, but just don't talk about them as much simply cause they're guys? I hope so. I don't wanna feel like I'm boring him when I talk about problems dealing with our mutual friends/feelings/relationships,etc..you know, all that "girly" stuff that guys don't (stereotypically) wanna talk about. But is this stereotype entirely true? How are guy's minds different in that regard? I'd like to think that when he's listening to me, that he's comprehending and maybe agreeing and not just putting up with hearing me out. Because alot of the time his responses are just um hms and things like that, when I get on those kinds of subjects. Basically unreadable for the most part. So, what do you think about this in general?

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You'll probably want several guys' opinions on this, but if you don't mind me quickly putting in an observation...I've noticed no matter the gender of the two people in a conversation, if one person is mostly saying "um hm" that's usually an indication the other person is doing a lot more talking than they are listening. So...maybe provide more openings for your boyfriend to interject?

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My boyfriend and I have had specific conversations about this. He enjoys talking about emotional situations - if he knows the people involved. If he does not he will be ok with it but it is not enjoyable/meaningful for him. I save that kind of talk for other friends and it's totally fine with me because he and I talk all the time - the whole range from trivial and silly to intense and important.

 

I will add that when I have met men who loved all girl talk I typically was not attracted to them romantically.

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Stereotypically? Talk about clothing, shopping, hair, nails, and relationship issues in depth that are not related to specific people. Or, it is related to specific people but it goes off to a complex level of detail and analysis. Also, excessive cutesie talk about children.

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I read something in the paper in the last week or so that said some scientist had found in her research that testosterone actually limits the emotional processes/brain pathways in men. That women have 'an 8 lane information superhighway' for processing emotions but men have a 'country lane'. However, she also found that the testosterone in men means that they have at least twice as much brain space dedicated to sex than women do.

 

I always struggle with this stuff, the conflict between (a) buying in to mars and venus stuff and taking it too far, and (b) naively assuming men and women are the same. And of course there is huge variation within the genders, so how much are we suffering from selection bias when we choose to debate these things? It helps when there is 'science' but I am always a little dubious about some of the science people parade as fact, as well as the creative use of statistics.

 

For me, my husband is awesome, and is willing and able to talk about all sorts of things, just as much as my female friends. Maybe he's just being generous with me, but he does seem capable. However, when it gets personal, when the emotions are his, it's quite different. It's like he doesn't quite have the same language at his disposal that I do. I told him about the research above and he agreed with it. We also had an interesting conversation about what that 'twice as much brain space for thinking about sex' actually means.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I love listening.

I love comforting people, being an outlet when people need to say something but are too afraid to.

I've kind of made myself known as a quiet kinda guy, I never spread rumors or tell people other peoples secrets, so I'm trusted. I respect that and I respect what people, including girls, have to say.

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I'm pretty much uninterested in my gf's complaining about work and the vaguerys of her friend's social problems. they do indeed bore me terribly, and she's not one to take advice so there's nothing i can activly do.

 

but listening to her makes *her* feel better, and since I care about her, spending an hour being a friendly and comforting ear now and then is the absolute least i can do.

 

she's also learned that I really don't care about color combinations, house decorating, or television shows and restricts those to her friends. but when something is troubling her and there's nothing i can physically do to help, being the guy she pours out her heart to is not something i'd ever have a problem with. and if it makes her happy, a little mild tedium is a microscopic price to pay. and anyway, i like the sound of her voice.

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