whats up with me, i dont know anymore

[NKP]

I dont know whats wrong with me anymore, i just keep putting myself out there to get hurt all the time, and let guys do what they want to me. I act happy around them and like i want sex because they want it, but really i dont, its making my whole life worse, i like guys using me it feels like what i deserve. I maybe like this since what my brother did to me years ago (raped me) and this is the way im coping, i dont, all i know is that i am sick of being like this, i feel like a * * * * I want someone to hold me, and make all my problems go away

[sweetheart21]

I feel so sorry for you. I love reading your posts you always give good advice. I wish I could give you a hug

 

I'm going through something a little similar... I dont have any female friends and I've only just recently realised that I only ever try to make friends with guys because I know that they are not likely to reject me if i'm flirty and bubbly around them. But what ends up happening is that I end up feeling pathetic because I know they dont care about my personality, they only keep talking to me because they are attracted to me. And if they think that they i'm not interested in them 'in that way' then they stop talking to me. Which then makes me do 'more then friends' stuff with them so they wont stop talking to me.

 

Someone I know told me that they think its because I dont think I am worthy of having friends because I have grown up with everyone saying that i'm not good enough (I grew up with an alcoholic, physically abusive father)

 

They said that I have to realise that what happened to me wasnt my fault and that I am a good person.

Maybe thats what you need to do too?

 

I know this doesnt really answer your post but maybe just knowing your not the only one will make you feel a bit better