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Is this a strength, or a weakness?

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First off, I love this site. Absolutely great people make a website like this a pleasure to be a part of.


Okay, I am a quiet guy. Extremely quiet. Sorta like Silent Bob from the Kevin Smith movies. I say very little, and everything I do say is carefully thought out. Now to some people I seem like I'm cold and distant, but I see everything going on around me and I empathize with people. I'm the guy everyone either calls "thoughtful and deep" by people who know me or "creepy and too quiet" by people who don't. I have very few real friends, and they always look to me for advice and a shoulder to lean on. I've asked my friends to write down what they think of me. One of my friends who is a girl wrote "The warmest, nicest, guy I've

ever met who would do anything to make his friends happy. Although... he seems profoundly lonely and tends to forget about what he needs." Also It's hard for me to meet girls because I just can't seem to get my mouth open. All the "what ifs" just kill me. So, what do you think?

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It is definitely a strength that you are able to be so warm and caring towards other people. Please keep on doing that.


On the other hand, I would say that it is a weakness, that you stick to that role so much of the time. I think one of the most important thing to achieve from a personal development point of view, is being able to perform various roles flexible as you need them. Like being caring, fun, serious, assertive or whatever, as you need it.


When we stay fixed inroles, it often because we have learned to gain someting from tg'hem (like avoiding ridicule in the family), or because of plain lack of self-acceptance (I prefer the word acceptance to esteem).


Try to start working on accepting the whole of you, and to accept yourself as a person who is allowed to pursue your own needs and happiness.


Noone is any more or any less than you are.

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I'm quiet, but at one point a friend told me I was selfish for not opening up. After arguing a bit I came to understand I really wasn't revealing myself to people, and merely living as an observer.


Years later I can bore people at will.

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  • 2 weeks later...

You sound extremely attractive!! Actually you sound alot like me. Of course, I'm also attractive... but anyways...


Do you think of yourself as an attractive person? What do you think your shyness makes you? I know alot of girls that use the word "mysterious" to describe such people and line up to go out with them.

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Oh, come now. A self-confident quiet guy can get girls. I've seen it done many times. Heck, my dad isn't terribly attractive and says an average of 10 words a week and dated plenty of girls before meeting and marrying my mom. It's all in how you perceive yourself. If you think of yourself as an attractive person, you will become more attractive.


If you're one of those guys that's SO quiet that you won't even talk to someone that approaches you, then there might be a problem, but you certainly don't have to be the life of the party to get a date.

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Good to see you Kev.


Being quiet is a problem for a couple of different reasons. First, logistically it's harder to meet women as they won't start up conversations with you. Yes it does happen sometimes, but it's rare and to be considered as gravy. It's up to the guy to open his mouth and say something.


Second, the way women develop attraction is different than guys. They need to get to know you on a personal basis and the only way to do this is to communicate with them. Although your nonverbal communication and the way you say/do things is way more important than what you say, you can't just stand there and make hand gestures. You have to get into a verbal conversation with her to get her attracted in you. If she is physically attracted right off the bat, this will wear off quick unless you're able to do this.


I don't doubt that you father is a reserved man and has attracted women. He most likely can still do it this very day, but the way your father did things as a single man and now as a father and husband are very different things. Like back in the day, he would probably have no problem just starting a conversation with a girl, even if he didn't use that many words to get his point accross. Just because he's not a flamboyant guy doesn't mean he lacks the ability to talk to and attract girls. You just haven't seen him do it (aside from your mother, he already has her).


It's all in how you perceive yourself. If you think of yourself as an attractive person, you will become more attractive.

This is untrue. I've always known I'm attractive, probably around 8.5/10 or so, but haven't always had success. I know plenty of guys who know they're attractive model types. They really do know that they're good looking, but this is independent of their ability to communicate with a girl. How you perceive yourself is only as important as how it changes the way you interact with girls, but it's not necessary. The important thing is literally how well you communicate with girls.

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Actually, I agree to pianoguy to a certain degree about how one perceives himself/herself. If you feel attractive you will become more attractive given that you put yourself out there and make an effort to find a good mate. Just thinking and knowing you're attractive will not help whatsoever.


I can say I'm so beautiful and know it, but if Im not putting myself out there no one will notice it.


If I feel ugly and unattractive, yes, I will not find a mate because people can feel that you have no confidence and yes, they will find you "ugly". Affirmations can be very strong.

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