Had enough

[lilac_indi]

I havent been here in a while and to be honest its done me some good. I am getting my life back into order and things seem to be looking up for me.

 

I have decided to get independent - finally. I am going to move out after graduation next July which gives me plenty of time to plan things out and make it fool proof so my family will not try to restrain me in any way. I am going to do this with or without their blessing - enough is enough.

 

I figure if I do it after graduation I will not have any long term commitments which means I can leave Glasgow which is my aim. If I leave now then that means my education will get disrupted and I cannot risk that with my exams around the corner. I am going to claim back my year's wages that my parents took off me, just over £4000 in fact since that account is still in my name and that should be enough to support me for some time.

 

I have been seeing my counsellor at university regularly and he has been brilliant in helping me face my problems and it just feels good to openly talk to someone who I know will not judge me.

 

I called Scottish Womens Aid just over a week ago and I have arranged an appointment with them for this Wednesday coming. Now that I am determined to get my life back, I rarely have suicidal thoughts and I have stopped self harming. Looking back at myself a couple of months ago I had accepted my current situation as my fate and I felt I couldnt fight it. There is a limit to everything and my family are pushing me to the edge.

 

I am doing something now and I couldnt be happier, my family's words dont affect as much because I know now that I am doing something to beat this. Im finally getting out.

[Layword]

I wish you a good life, congradulations on regaining control. Cheers~

[lilac_indi]

Thank you. I am amazed at my current attitude and I honestly hope it will last me.

 

I am doing a bit better health wise as it went down hill 2 months ago. Suffered 2 minor seizures within 4 days a month ago which I have never had in my life but I am also going to get my health sorted this Wednesday. I am up to 92 pound which is a great achievement for me.

 

I hope to God this continues.

[annie24]

good, I am glad that you are making positive changes! I hope you keep on this path.

[lilac_indi]

Thanks Annie24.

 

I have had support from a lot of friends not just from this site but at uni amongst other places who knocked some sense into me and tell me that this is not the life I have to live. I can change it if I really want to.

 

I have realised that no matter what I do now they are not going to change their beliefs or attitudes so it is best to just get out.

 

My exams are in January and I am so dreading them, which means studying through the xmas hols..great but I am a lot happier than I was just over a month ago. I still go through those days where I just sit in my room and cry, it feels great to just let my emotions out without resorting to self harm like I did before.

 

Thanks to everyone who supported me.

[annie24]

well, just take things one day at a time. focus on living one day at a time, living well, studying, not harming yourself.

[lilac_indi]

Thanks Annie,

 

I am trying to eat three meals a day which has helped me to get just over 92 pounds which I am very chuffed about. I am focusing a lot more on my studying while making regular visits to my counsellor which has helped me a lot.

 

Whenever I do feel down I do try and do anything else rather than self harm which is hard but I havent done it since I got back from India. Things have been very heavy this past week, especially regarding my mum who called me a b**** for not drying the dishes and bringing up the whole incident with my ex due to it and there is just a new drama which seems to be happening each day and Im getting tired of being blamed for it. Hence my decision to get out.

[southerngirl]

I am so glad that you are making positive changes for yourself! It really sounds like your going to make it.

 

You cant change your family you are right. But you can change your own life, you are doing the right thing!