Having Kids

[CharlesF]

I guess this is a question that I need to answer myself, but I would like to get other's opinions.

 

I am 38 and never married just because I worked on my carreer for so long. I met this woman who is 42 and I am ok with the age difference. We hit it off and we are both attarcted to each other. She is hesitant to get into a relationship because I will not be able to have kids of my own. I don't really think this is a big deal since I am almost too old to meet someone younger and have kids. I would be nearly 60 before they left the house. Also, I'm not sure I want to go through the infant stage.

 

I would appreciate anyones inpt on this situation.

[shikashika]

I guess this is a question that I need to answer myself, but I would like to get other's opinions.

 

I am 38 and never married just because I worked on my carreer for so long. I met this woman who is 42 and I am ok with the age difference. We hit it off and we are both attarcted to each other. She is hesitant to get into a relationship because I will not be able to have kids of my own. I don't really think this is a big deal since I am almost too old to meet someone younger and have kids. I would be nearly 60 before they left the house. Also, I'm not sure I want to go through the infant stage.

 

I would appreciate anyones inpt on this situation.

 

hmnn... 3 of my aunts had kids over the age of 40... they are all normal and healthy

 

I really don;t see what the issue is with having kids at home when you are 60... If you keep in shape, eat well and exercise you can do all the things you can do at 30. My parents are in thier 60s... they do triathlons, pole vault and track and are in better shape than almost all of my friends who are in thier 20s and 30s.... no excuses for being 'old' at 60.

 

If you want to have kids and she doesn't... then I think that is a relationship you will have to reconsider... you don't want to have to throw it back on her later.

 

I really don't know why you think 38 is getting too old to have kids?

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone!

 

hm... my dad had me when he was 48.

 

why don't you want to have kids? do you just not want any? it's ok to not want kids, if that is your preference.

[yeawutever]

You don't have to have kids if you don't want any. Never do whant doesn't come of out you.

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

If you just don't want kids and she really wants some, and soon, then you guys might need to find different people with the same goals or one or the other might end up resenting the other.

[Dako]

If you don't want kids, it's a non-issue.

I'm 54 and don't regret being childfree.

BTW, you aren't "almost too old" to do whatever you like.

[need2bme]

If it is an issue of she does and you don't; that will be an problem.

 

I met a girl who is not quite your age and she wants 2 kids with the right guy. I am a little older than her, so I would also be about 60, when they grew up, should I choose to have kids.

 

My point is that she would like to have 2, I MIGHT want 1, so all would have to agree before getting REALLY serious...

[brando]

Charles,

you aren't too old to meet a woman and to have kids. You are only 38, and you have plenty of life ahead of you.

 

This woman, are you settling on her? If a woman told me what i will regret, i wouldn't want to be with her anyway. She has a bigger problem with this than you do.

 

You need to ask yourself what it is you truly want. THen you make your decision regardless of what others think. Chances are this relationship with this woman would be difficult. If she is already thinking you will rergret being with her because she can't have children, I don't think she will ever forget this thought, and it will follow you and your relationship with her causing much unnecessary pain and trouble.

 

best of luck..

[CharlesF]

I should clarify my post. She has one child and probably doesn't want more kids. I have never had a child, so she is worried that if we get together I will never have childern of my own and that will affect my life. I am not asking what to do, but am more interested in what life may be like with our without having kids of your own.

[annie24]

oh, I guess it is a personal decision. My aunt and uncle never had kids (I think one of them was not able to, but I never pried). They were able to take lavish vacations every year to exotic countries. But I think my aunt would have liked to have kids. She was a doctor and chose pediatrics as her specialty.

 

so... I think it really depends on you. there are pros and cons, I guess. I wouldn't assume that your current gf wouldn't want anymore kids, just because she already has one. Talk to her about it.

[Dako]

For what it's worth:

 

I had a vasectomy in my early 20s.

To be honest, I'm getting to where my only real family of consequence is my elderly mother, and when she's gone, there's no close family.

Children may have given me a sense of belonging or purpose.

For me it's too late to ponder.

 

I hope you come to terms with it.

[annie24]

For what it's worth:

 

I had a vasectomy in my early 20s.

To be honest, I'm getting to where my only real family of consequence is my elderly mother, and when she's gone, there's no close family.

Children may have given me a sense of belonging or purpose.

For me it's too late to ponder.

 

I hope you come to terms with it.

 

hm. I never thought of things that way.

 

do you have nieces or nephews you are close to?

[Dako]

I have a niece I was sort of a surrogate father to when she was small.

She lives elsewhere and has busy life with her kids, and is a bit embarrassed by me.

 

It's not all that grim. Holidays are simpler!

[iamteddybearfeelmecuddle]

Personally I don't want kids and although I respect other men and women's decisions to have them, I also am sick and tired of society (especially the media) trying to push a false image that I, as a child-free adult, especially a child-free woman, obviously 'long' for a child. I don't. If I'd wanted them, I would and could easily have had them by now. I have other female friends that feel the same as me as well.

 

What makes me the most sick is that some of my friends and aquaintences try to tell me to have children as if they imagine my life isn't as complete as theirs without kids. In some cases their motives are pretty transparent: misery loves company.

[Dako]

I've never really felt pressured to have kids at all. Maybe it's more of a women's issue.

 

When I got fixed, I told my mother and she said, "I sure understand not wanting kids, we never wanted you."

She's a comedian.