i love him!

[confused1607307483]

Hi Again. I would like to first say thanks to those who've already helped and shared wisdom. I'm just so distraught and heart-broken. It was a month yesterday since we broke up and I've only heard his voice 2x and seen one message from him since then. We used to see each other on a daily basis and I'm going crazy. I thought and still do think he's my soulmate but that for some reason he (22 years old) is getting cold feet and needing space which is why he's insisted that being single makes him happier and free-er. But I know that he still loves me, or at least that's what i thought. He did say half way through the month that he still loves me and will never stop.

 

I've maintained NC since the last phone convo when he said "For now" we should stay the same - single. Even when he messaged me, i didn't reply. Today I took him off my friend's list - as a way of distancing myself emotionally cuz i would always find myself looking @ his profile, etc. But I crave him and long for him...

 

Does anyone have any positive stories of getting together? or advice? i could really use it right now.

 

Thanks

[friscodj]

Hey confused,

 

I'm sorry to hear of your situation. I can definitely relate and I have some thoughts.

 

You are feeling a potpourri of emotions right now, maybe more like storm at times. There is love in there but there are also feelings of attachment, lonliness, grief, maybe some separation anxiety as well. Part of this is evidenced when you say you crave and long for him and these feelings are amplified given the fact you no longer see each other daily, i.e., changing a routine like this. These feelings are normal to experience after a break up and will shake out in time.

 

But just because you feel like this does not mean you belong together. I've broken up from relationships where we had no business being together and felt these things too. A time later, maybe a year or more, I've looked back and have seen this, and before this, I said some of the exact things you have said here.

 

I've also learned to take things that have been said amidst such emotions with a grain of salt. Don't hang every hope and dream you have on his words. His expression of undying love to you is probably heartfelt, yet, if he loved you that much wouldn't he be with you and try to work his issues out with you? He can make space and still be in the relationship, but he is not. You can "be together" and see each other less. Remember that. He is feeling the same emotions I bet but the difference here, the key difference, is that amidst the knowledge of your intentions and his own grief, he is choosing to remain single. Essentially, he loves his freedom more than being with you.

 

But what can you do? Give it time, as much as your emotional and mental sanity can handle. You are doing good by taking steps to make distance like taking him off your friend's list. When you are doing this, try to look past your feelings at the situation for what it is. See the situation and not just your pain and distance. Think as well as feel.

[ZoeMatthews]

Dear Confused...

Well, I have been there and I can assure you its going to get better. You are doing the right thing by slowly removing him from your life.

 

He is very young (22 you said) and probably wants his freedom and probably feels like he does not want to be tied down. He also probably wants to date some more.

 

[but I crave him and long for him...

 

This will pass...

 

[He did say half way through the month that he still loves me and will never stop.

 

He just said this to make you feel better.

 

[Does anyone have any positive stories of getting together? or advice? i could really use it right now.

 

Well, I have told my story many times, but one more time won't hurt.

 

My boyfriend broke up with me Oct/2005 citing the excuse that he wanted some space...I was heartbroken and I made all the stupid mistakes all broken hearted fools make. I called him, I wanted to be with him, etc. Finally, he he told me off and was very cruel to me. I stopped calling him...

 

The last week of Nov./2005 I called him because I needed financial help, I had just been laid off. He helped me out and he started talking to me, we even started a physical relationship again.

 

Jan/2006 he asked me to move in with him, which I did.

 

Sept/2006, I found out that during the time that he had wanted "his space" and had told me off because I wasn't giving him any, he went out with another woman. I think they started this relationship before he broke up with me in Oct/2005. I know they were still together part of Dec/2005 because I found a xmas gift for her from my boyfriend's cousin. So from what I can gather, he cheated on me from Sept./2005 to Dec.2005.

 

I broke into his email and I confirmed my suspicions...I have been heartbroken that he cheated on me.

 

When confronted, he denied everything...I could not bring myself to tell him that he was a cheater and that i had read the emails.

 

Anyway, from the time we got back together to now..(I am still trying to leave him, but at the moment its complicated) I have met some wonderful available guys that I could have dated if I had not gotten back together with him! I kick myself many times a day now for being weak and going back with him...

I don't cheat, so I will not even show slightest interest in anybody while I am still with him...

 

I am sooo sorry for going off topic...but my POINT IS THIS:

 

He is not the only man in the world! I can assure you of this;...you had a life before him and you will HAVE a life after him...Give yourself time to heal... Meditate, exercise, go for a walk, etc...keep yourself busy...

 

If I had not been so blinded by my love for my boyfriend, I know for a fact that I would not be so stressed and angry now for what he did to me.

 

Anyway, good luck

 

Love

 

Z.