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Where is my long-distance relationship heading to?

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Hey, ladies! I am one of the sad girls in Europe tonight...and to be honest is not the first time I am from this reason.. Hence the "blooded_rose" nickname, and the green-eye monster look attached to my bitterness. I'll share it with you and hope we can advice each other what is better or what is worse to do, like only girls can do. I didn't know where to put my post at first, but after analyzing my situation, I thought "age gap" is more suitable.

I fell very much in love with this man, lets call him George, and I am confused about me, about him, and about us. We have been dating long distance, this is the second year, and used to meet about once in 3 months, also phoning and chatting a lot. I moved to his country now, to study, and I thought things will change, my decision to come here was quite a lot influenced by having him here. We're still meeting once a month though(I couldn't study in his city), and he does all the things I'd usually see as signs for "he's not into me" sort of thing.

Last time we meet was after 5 weeks of not seeing each other, and ...he didn't wait for me at the train station... he spent half of the weekend either at work or doing outdoor things with friends (whilst recommending me to go for a walk or for shopping). We don't talk too much, but I thought this was just an inter-cultural thing and that I might be exaggerating..... We're both logging on a website where his status is being "single (I didn't state anything) and looking for friends, random play or a relationship".

All these hurt me immensely, not to mention his teasing about my too round bottom or bad hair dye, he doesn't make plans for the future anymore and in the past days he started to almost ignore me online (just going offline without saying good bye, or just no replies and no excuses..). He hasn't said I love you in ages, and sometimes he makes bad jokes about threesomes or good looking waitresses.... Sex life is good... I try, he doesn't, we cuddle and he probably thinks that would give me a bloody orgasm or something!

My dilemma is : has he gone in the "steady dating" mode (we have been dating for almost 2 years now after all) and takes me for granted or is he not all that interested in me anymore? And if he isn't into me anymore, how do you reckon I should make him talk about it? When we're online, we're both busy and he avoids talking about serious things as we might misunderstand each other... can't do it over the phone because of the same missunderstanding-threat... But when we meet, we simply don't have time to talk.... and I'm curageous about pretty much anything else EXCEPT bringing it up. I'd gladly say "I love you", I'd gladly say "Make room for me in your life", I'd also gladly say "Lets just chat till we drop", but I'm puzzled ................ I really can't guess how he'd react... Next time we'll be it'll be for an evening and one night, and then at least one more month before meeting up again..... He's also going through a rough time, volunteerily quiting work and trying to find something to do... I'd love to get the chance to be supportive but we haev little contact and I'd really LOVE some initiative from him in that sense. . . . His friends know about me, but I can't guess what they opinate about our (relationship?) thing.

I'm afraid he might have put me into the "we don't stand a chance, don't want to break her heart telling her" category, he used to do marvellous things for me in the past, drove all accross the continent and used to send me cute parcels and little notes signed "with love". I miss that... George.

Do you reckon this last George will ever come back, or do you think he won't and I'm simply blind?




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Love has to go both ways, he doesn't love you back = end of relationship.

How can I know that he doesn't love me though, and that he doesn't just have a bad time? One thing is clear, no matter the assumptions I'd make, he's not all that decided and hasn't reached any firm conclusions about our relationship. My plan in the short run is not initiate talks or contact him, but what makes me very sad to think about is that he might just see it obvious that things aren't going anywhere ...it makes me feel deluded. There are men out there who are still contacting me, stating very clearly they're interested, and when I fall in love with this one guy...........................I get transformed into this massive question mark. I reckon he expects initiative from my part, and if I'm wrong about this one as well, then most probably I'll reply to my own post one of these days saying we broke up.

Thanks for the reply, but even if he didn't love me back, just because we're in a LDR he wouldn't just break up anyway. It's so easy to just let it be, although one of the two might feel really lonely in the togetherness..

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  • 2 weeks later...

Just wanted to give a bit of an update of what happened in my case for those who are interested to see how these things can evolve.

Things are getting pretty rosy, he's being sweet again, more and more and although he's going through a job-changing thing kind of phase he still phones and considers meeting up more often.

I'll give it a breathe and remember myself of how bad I might seem in my bad days....

Love is being there for him.....some men needs lots of time, but since he felt like he was losing me and he's actually putting a great amount of interest in it now, I don't worry anymore. We're secure now. Until the storm will brush our little love-boat. From where I see it now, it won't!






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  • 3 weeks later...

Blooded Rose,


I understand completely how you feel. I posted a thread recently called "long way to nowhere," and I feel that our concerns are very similar.

I have been in a LDR relationship for 3 years now, and we are both from different countries. It doesn't take a long flight to visit each other so we visit about once a month if we can.

Recently I have found that my relationship was breaking-down much like yours was. Our communication has gone from great to fairly terrible.

It started with a change in focus that I was not really a part of, and his desire to spend time with other friends not just me. In some ways I understand where he's coming from, but I think after a while couples do take each other for granted. I think he does love you still, and that's what makes it frustrating. No one wants to be neglected and taken for granted by someone they love. I was given some very good advice on this matter, they told me that I should "try [harder] to voice [my] concerns to him." It's true, and I think that's what we need to do more often. I find I have a hard time talking to him in person about "us" as a couple because I want the time we have together to go smoothly, and I don't want him to take what I say the wrong way. I have since written him emails that touch on my concerns for the relationship and they have been well received. He even brings up those topics in our conversations now.

I think all we need to do is take away their comfort zone and put them slightly off balance for a short time to wake them up a bit and realize that they have a good thing going on that they don't want to lose.



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Love between two people goes both ways and based on what you have said about his actions, he's just simply telling you he is not into you the way he was anymore. Maybe the distance you guys had was a thrill for him so he was more attentive and now that you are in his territory he no longer feels the rush.


All the things he is doing, the "single" status on the website, him commenting about other women and poking fun at you are all disrespectful and hurtful things to do to someone. If you love someone you would not be doing these things and he is definitely making a bold statement to you that he is just .. once again... not interested anymore.


Avoiding what is bothering you will not get the problems you are having solved. You say when you are together you can say anything to him but not have the talk on what is going on with YOUR relationship. If you don't take responsibility to find out exactly what is going on, you will be the only one hurting in this relationship. You have to talk to him and bring it up otherwise he will just behave the way he has been and I doubt he will stop.

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